Jimbo's World


Does capitalism always have to be so... gaudy?

Welcome to the 22 Mar - 07 Apr archive of Stream - you can click the planet to the left to get back to Jimbo's World if you're lost.

STREAM OF ^{^{^urine}}
CONSCIOUSNESS

This is the part of the site where I don't have to screw about with formatting, or layouts, or anything else. I just bang on the keyboard like a diseased monkey, and *poof* - instant content! Guess what part of the site's most likely to get updated on a regular basis? Right.

07 April 2000

15:17	Compression artifacts blow chunks
	OK, the consensus seems to be that there were too many compression artifacts in the last one. Fine... how 'bout this one? Again, lemme know what you think.
07:51	Marketing effort?
	Bla-bla.com - the folks I'm moving to for the free hosting deal - offer a banner exchange with other crazed webmasters... which I'm gonna do. Whattaya think, does this banner get the point across? (OLD CRUSTY BANNER) Lemme know what you think.

05 April 2000

20:40

Theatre for the Jaded: An Audio Presentation

Herbert Kornfeld always make that weak bitch Gerald Luckenbill book the fly-ass tix on Delta Airlines when he fly, bitch. Click here to find out why. (mp3, 189K)

01:38

How to let the world know INSTANTLY what a wannabee you are

Just use at least one of these. (Preferably more... lots more. But one will do in a pinch.) POOF, you're an instant loser! Wasn't that easy?

On the other hand, if you're feeling more creative, you could obsess about something to a truly frightening degree...

...or just frighten people away with an incredibly loud background...

... and speaking of obsessions, nothing is as obsessive (or annoying) as a brainless teenage girl!

OK, OK, I think we get the point, right? I hope so, 'cause I don't think I can take any more of this...

00:09

More on those wacky rappers

The infamous debate on Cisco's The Thong Song rages on...

The song actually goes, "dumps like a truck, thighs like what" rather than "dumps like a truck, make the boys say what." And I'm not too sure but I think "dumps like a truck" is referring to her big ass cheeks or something. It doesn't really make sense, but what more can you expect from someone who wrote a song about underwear? -Krista A. Crnobrnja

Hmmm. All I can say about that is, that poor girl has way too many consonants in her last name.

"She got dumps like a truck". A dump truck has the ability to take a load in the rear. :D -BaldGhoti

Well, I think PeeT and I covered that with "optional third entry door"... but okay, point taken.

Finally - and by far most usefully - that wascally PinheadX guy chimes in:

Ok, the Cisco thing. My interpretation would be "dumps" meaning a big ass, like a dumptruck having a "big load in the back". Of course, I don't know WHY on earth you wouldn't associate dump with a huge turd. I guess we have to give the guy some creative license here. I don't think the term will catch on.

This might help in the future, though it didn't this time: http://www.rapdict.org/

Holy shit... a rap dictionary! Where was this when I was 15 and trying desperately to understand all the Compton slang in my favorite NWA albums?

04 April 2000

18:29

You never know what you'll find at alt.binaries.warez

While tooling around lookin' for new and interesting stuff on UseNet today, I found an unreleased beta on alt.binaries.warez... it's the sequel to Cosmopolitan's Virtual Makeover, tentatively titled "Cosmopolitan's Virtual Tart!"

Of course, being the kind of guy I am, I had to download it just to inflict it on some luckless random friend of mine. Josh from WritingZ.com unknowingly elected himself when he made fearful comments on his forum about Rainee's version of Cosmo Makeover - which is why, to the immediate right, you may now bear witness to a truly sad spectacle... the Virtual Tarting of a fellow webmaster.

Sorry 'bout that, JediStonerBro.

Update: at least I didn't do what Rainee did to him...

03 April 2000

02:36

Negro Factor: Cisco > Jimbo

OK, I'm actually mildly ashamed that I couldn't figure out that ODB was claiming to be a pimp of some sort on my own. But then there's "The Thong Song", by Cisco... one of the recurring lines is "she got dumps like a truck, make the boys say what?"

"Dumps like a truck?"

PeeT was one of several folks who let me know that ODB was just claimin' to be a pimp... but PeeT, as it turns out, couldn't really help me on this one. After asking him the question in the car on the way back from some miscreant-ish antics, the conversation went something like this:

Jimbo:		I'm thinking that just about anything that you could describe as "trucklike" is just bad on a girl. I mean, wtf could they be talking about?!
PeeT:		Hmm. I dunno...
Jimbo:		Towing capacity? Bad. Cargo capacity? Very bad.
PeeT:		Fuel consumption? Bad. Exhaust?!
(both):		BAD. Bwahahahaha!
Jimbo:		Ummm... optional electric winch? Bad.
PeeT:		Third entry door option?
Jimbo:		Hey... now that you mention it...
PeeT:		Maybe that's it!
Jimbo:		Yeah, optional third door is definitely an OK feature...
PeeT:		All-terrain tires? Probably, on consideration, bad. "Hey, how'd your knees get so callused, man?"
Jimbo:		Heh heh heh... "crew cab."
(both):		BWAHAHAHA!

If any of you tools have a better idea as to just what the fuck "she got dumps like a truck" means as it pertains to sexy womanflesh, please... lemme know.

(And before anybody says anything, the mental image of a girl that left St. Bernard sized piles of doodie in your lawn has already been brought up and summarily dismissed. )

Two pix too foul not to share

First of all, on the immediate right, we have the "I can't keep to the Jenny Craig diet" support group. (And boy, is that ever a lot of support!) Mouseover here to see it, and here to bring the pretty, pretty blank space back.

And now, if you'll look to your left and mouseover here, you'll see one of my alltime favorite "X-acto knife control advocacy group" posterchildren. Would you believe this guy did this to himself?

Without so much as a local anesthetic?

Deliberately?

Mouseover here when you're ready to pretend you never saw this.

24 March 2000

13:38

It's just the nature of the beast

Miss Piggy is gonna go fucking BALLISTIC when she finds out...

Of course, once I had the pic, I couldn't resist animating it on my lunch hour.

07:23

Question-and-Answer Time: Why Be An E/N Webmaster?

Question:		You come up with an idea for a website, you spend an insane amount of time designing a decent layout, you spend even more time refining the layout, and then you invest a new timeslice of your life on a regular basis - like paying a fucking mortgage - on adding new content and features. What does this enormous and recurring expenditure of your time and effort get you?

Answer:		If you're me, and the site in question is Jimbo's World, it gets you pretty blondes you've never met spontaneously emailing you pictures they took of Kermit the Frog molesting a hapless baby seal on their bedroom floor.

I love being an E/N webmaster.

07:41

Red Meat ownz me

Hee! Hee!

23 March 2000

21:08

Cats all over the world protest most recent update

As if cats doing obscene things with fish weren't already bad enough, now an angered feline has emailed me a special picture of his bird. Oh well, I suppose it could have been worse - thank god he couldn't upload his poopy litter!

blame this on Philbin, if blame you must...

Be sure to take another gander at the captions for the fishy animation in question... everybody's favorite Jen worshipper and mondo sicko hombre, Chuck, sent in some beauties.

08:42

Natural predator, natural prey: an unnatural truce prevails

"If you don't swallow, that water's gonna get mighty fucked up."

Thanks to alert reader, soon-to-be-daddy, and undisputed fruitcake Philbin for inflicting the original version of this animation on me.

I think the best thing about this little ditty is the absolute wealth of possible captions...

"Fish Eats Cat: An Isolated Reversal In The Natural Order Of The Food Chain"
"How Baby Catfish Are Made"
"Hey! That's Not Your Paw!"

Got a better one? Send it in, and if it's more entertainingly retarded than any of mine, I'll post it.

"Hey, at least I'm not licking my asshole again."	-	Chuck
"But what am I gonna do about the fishy odor?"	-	Chuck
"Who's yer daddy... WHO'S YER DADDY?!"	-	Chuck

and my personal favorite so far, also sent in by Chuck:

"If you don't swallow, that water's gonna get mighty fucked up."

22 March 2000

17:21

Hee! Hee!

This owned me today:

My eyes were inexplicably drawn to her, even from across the crowded room. She was real neat. Oh, baby... this was a woman who could use simple tools and make fire, and given the right combination of environmental and biological circumstances, evolve into the species which today we call homo sapiens.

Feel free to go inspect the filthy, filthy crevices of Baldie's Brain (although that was actually Nate the Schmuck, not Baldie himself) for more.

07:43

Negro Factor: Ol' Dirty Bastard > Jimbo

Does anybody out there have any fucking idea what that Ol' Dirty Bastard song they're playing on the radio now is all about? You know, the one where he keeps saying stuff like "if you wanna look good and not be bummy, girl you better gimme dat money!" and the chicks in the chorus sing "hey, hey hey, baby I gotcha money, dontcha worry, hey hey"...

Is he really saying he wants hoochies to give him greenbacks, or is there some kinda ghetto slang I haven't twigged to yet? Somebody, please, email me if you can help - I tried asking the Professor, but every time you ask him anything about rap, he just has some kind of Dr. Dre-related identity crisis and starts saying "Who you think taught you to smoke trees, nigguh?" and waving a Glock around. I find that, really, it's best just to avoid that whole thing.

Email me, dammit!

Webhost Factor: bla-bla.com > skanky old pr0n server

And in completely unrelated news, I'm working out a hosting deal with bla-bla.com, aka Stile's current host. Yes, there will be advertising, but there will also be reliable servers, for the first time in quite a while - and reliable servers not only means less lag and frustration for you guys trying to load the page, but less lag and frustration for me trying to update the page, and that means - yup, you guessed it, more frequent updates. And, of course, the folks that host Jay Stile aren't likely to bitch about my content...

Life is good.

Anyway, I'm expecting the transition to occur sometime next week. As usual for DNS switches, the page may be down for a day or so while the move is underway... but it'll definitely be worth the wait. (Hey Philbin, can I borrow yer ~~pr0np1p3~~ cable modem next week? =)

Click here for 21 Mar 2000 Stream

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