Welcome to the Nov 15-30 1999 archive of Stream - you can click the planet to the left to get back to Jimbo's World if you're lost.

Go visit, or something.

The following is an exact recount of an interview a female reporter conducted with Lieutenant General Reinwald of the US Army on National Public Radio, immediately before a scheduled visit from a local Boy Scout troop to his installation:

FEMALE_INTERVIEWER:	"So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?"
LTG REINWALD:	"We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting."
FEMALE_INTERVIEWER:	"Shooting!  That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?"
LTG REINWALD:	"I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range."
FEMALE_INTERVIEWER:	"Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?"
LTG REINWALD:	"I don't see how - we will be teaching them proper rifle range discipline before they are even allowed to touch a firearm."
FEMALE_INTERVIEWER:	"But you're equipping them to become violent killers."
LTG REINWALD:	"Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you aren't one, are you?"

At this point, the radio went silent and the interview ended.

Unfortunately, there is no Lieutenant General Reinwald of the US Army, and there apparently hasn't been one as far back as the Vietnam era.  (Not to mention the fact that in the modern military, an officer who got the last word in a public interview that way would have gotten the final word on his own career at the same time.)

But even though it's bullshit, it's still got value as a sort of parable on gun control... and it's also a hell of an entertaining story.

Man, some people are fucking weird about getting their groove on.  First, we got used to Bondage & Discipline stuff all over the place... OK, no big deal there.  Then we got used to people sticking weird things in places you wouldn't normally expect them to.  Again, you get used to seeing it after awhile. But lately, shit is just getting bizarre. You know, back when r33t introduced us to ep-sample.avi the first time - when it was just a link - that was, by far, the crazy-gnappiest-nastiest shit I had ever seen.  I mean, you go thinking you're pretty damn cosmopolitan about repulsive shit on the web, and then... Japanese scat porn rears its ugly head.  Whoa, Nellie!

But it almost seems like I got something started a little while back, when I reposted ep-sample for the (dubious) benefit of you folks who didn't catch it before it disappeared from that college server r33t originally linked to.  Within a couple of hours after my repost, r33t also reposted it again... and a day or two after that, Stile got in the game with some Japanese vomit porn.  Not to be outdone, r33t went and found more Japanese vomit porn... and now you just can't help but wonder where will it all end?

Of course, the other question on all of our minds right now is what the hell is wrong with those little Nipponese bastards?  And as for that question, ladies and gentlemen of the audience, I believe I have the answer.  After much debate and a consultation with a high-powered team of sociopsychological experts, an inescapable conclusion about the Japanese arose:

They just ain't   gettin' enuff of   that oldskool   Ghetto Booty.

Ick.

Professor Stoner concludes, "This is not MERELY EVIDENCE. It is PROOF of the Bible's inspiration by God - PROOF DEFINITE that the universe is not large enough to hold the evidence."

Umm - I can tell you for a fact that the real Professor Stoner has never said, and will never say, any such fucking thing.  Bah - libel, I tell you!  Lies, all of it, lies... go check out the evil, evil misinformation at http://www.av1611.org/amazing.html.   Tell the heathens that they're right about one thing, judgment will come... and when it does,

it will find them sorely lacking.

Fire and brimstone turn me on... don'tcha just love that sulfury smell?

Justin: "You should hook up with him sometime when you're in town again."
Dave: "Yeah, but doesn't he work really weird hours now?"
Justin: "Yeah, they have him working shifts like 10PM to 8AM now.  It is kinda hard to work around those hours."
Me: "What's he doing these days, anyway?"
Justin: "Well, he's the night duty officer at..." (I begin thinking, ooo, this sounds bad) "... the city hall."
Justin (seeing my reaction): "Yeah, he's, um, not quite the fuzz... more like, I don't know, a cotton ball or something."
Me: "He's almost a rent-a-cop, then...?"
Justin: "Yeah.  He's more of a customer service cop."

Heh.  What a suck, eh?

oranges.mpg - this is speshul.  It's Theatre for the Jaded, and there's a standard naked-hoochy-genitalia warning involved - but oh, dear.  You'd really think that this chick could have found something better to do in her spare time... anyway, don't worry, this one's not in a class with ep-sample.avi or anything.  (Then again, nothing is in a class with ep-sample.avi!)

Twiztid - Die muthafucka die! - This is a tasty treat brought to you indirectly by way of a brother named PinheadX.  I gotta be honest with you - even though I like stuff like Insane Clown Posse, I really wasn't expecting too much from this one.  I figured it would be over-angsty, nerve-janglingly screaming metal-rap noise.  But much like Social Distortion, I was wrong.  I listened to this critter for the first time this morning while I was getting ready for work, and I wound up so busy groovin' that I almost didn't make it out the door in time.  Chekkitout!

Mos Def - New World Water - Ah, Mos Def.  I bought their album, Black On Both Sides (which is actually shiny silver on one side and yellow on the other) late last week, and I just can't quit listening to it... if you like hip-hop, you owe it to yourself to give this one a shot.

THIS IS NOT THE STANDARD, MILDLY DISGUSTING FARE.

This little ditty is so repulsive, it made me physically nauseous - it required an act of physical willpower to watch the whole thing.   This is the most disgusting thing that you will (NOT, if you have any sense at all) ever see in your life.  I DON'T recommend you download this thing, and you may very well vomit if you do.  (Just ask the c00kie cr00k - projectile vomiting after watching roughly half of this AVI is what earned her the nickname.)

Well, I think I've made myself clear.  So without further ado, I give you... ep-sample.avi.

DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU.

The Stile Project is now sportin' a fly Jimbo-designed guestbook - awww, yeah, baby.  Go sign it - Stile's always fiending for guestbook entries almost as bad as he is for web-cam-chickies - and that's really saying something because, I gotta tell ya, my boy Stile's got an addiction.

Besides... there's a really unpleasant fate awaiting people who don't sign it.  (You'll see what I mean if you'll just go visit the motherfucker, ok?)

Well, I spent all night haxx0ring the guestbook.  In addition to matching the new look for the main page, it's got automagical smiley parsing now - if you don't know what the fuck that means, it means that from now on, if you type in =), you're gonna get a in your guestbook entry.  If you feel like using smileys, it understands all of the following:    =)   :)   :-)    ;)   ;-)   =D   :D   :-D    =(   :(   :-(

The preview function also works much better now, for those of you who use HTML in your entries.  The only thing I didn't do to that mofo was add the Karma Points back in... that's still hanging around for a later date.  Like, say, next weekend... 'cause dammit, I miss the little bastards.

G'night folks - it's late now; I'm going to bed.

At any rate, it's done - I may play with the guestbook some more this weekend and round out its Nyetscape-ability, but as for the page itself... welcome to Jimbo's World version 3.0!  Hope ya like it - and, of course, comments, criticism, and unmuted adulation are always welcome in the guestbook.

Oh, yeah, speaking of the guestbook - if you want a forum, speak up now.  I'm almost convinced people will use it, but I'd still like a little more feedback before I take the plunge.

And now, without further ado, I present to you Theatre for the Jaded's first clip... and boy, does it ever hurt.

THAT KID'S GOT IT GOIN' ON.

Bwahahahaha...  Badassmofo has a larger version of the pic, if for some reason you can't quite make out what's happening here.  (Jesus, get some glasses, eh?)

You know, a lot of guys would say that kid's a pimp because he's only 13 or so and he's got his hands in some girl's pants in the middle of a crowded Junior High dance.  But I think those guys are missing the point...  I'd say the kid's a pimp because he's only 13 or so and he's already learned how to pay enough attention to what a woman wants that his lady love doesn't care - or even, probably, remember - that they're in the middle of a crowded Junior High dance.

Damn.

I know there's no way in hell I'm gonna hit the 'net when I get home, so I'm going to go ahead and provide you with a bit of entertainment before I pack it in and leave the office:

Dear Rick

        My name is W****** B C****** IV  .
I really do not now what to say to you .  Sandy is my girlfriend soon to be more, I hope .  You may know her as Blackrose S M C .  I do not now what your relationship with her is .  That is none of my business right know ,I hope it stays that way ,if you catch my drift . She and I are having a rough time right now, so   please under stand my concern . I strongly objected to any ad on the internet she might wright, definitely the one I have read.
        Please do not take this the wrong way. Once again I only wish to state my concern.I LOVE her very much and would hate to see some one come between she and I.I would also hate to be the person that comes between us. I under stand that you are going threw a hard time in your life right know . So I hope you can understand my stand point . If you wish to only be pen pals that would be more than fine with me,   as long as that was all there was to it. I hope you can understand.

Deeply Concerned,
           The Lone Rider

All aliases and incredibly profound errors have been preserved, but this guy's real name has been obfuscated in order to allow me to pretend I'm not falling off of my Quasi-Buddhist High Horse.  I don't have any fucking clue who "Rick" is, who "The Lone Rider" is, or who "Blackrose S M C" is... but I gotta admit, now that he's gone and dumped his little manifesto in my mailbox, my curiosity is piqued.

I don't know exactly what the prize is yet... but I am here and now offering some sort of nifty Jimbo's World prize to anybody who scours the singles networks, manages to find a genuine ad placed by the enigmatic Blackrose S M C, and sends me a link to the ad.

Go ahead, you little 'net weasels... make me proud.

If I took the time to put a Forum up, would you use it?  I think it'd be kinda neat to have a community Forum for all of us to use.  And incidentally, I'm talking about something nice, like maybe a UBBS forum - lets you post new topics and threads, register yourself as a user with profiles... you know, the whole nine.  Not just a cheapo freeby "forum" hosted someplace else, with banners and all that crap.  I'd like to do that, but the thought of putting one up and watching it languish in agony just makes me cringe... so if you would like to see a forum here, let me know and we'll see if Santa doesn't have one in his stocking this year.

  Validate this site's existence.  Affirm your own.
         Glorify mine.  Sign the guestbook.