Jimbo's World: all your bud are belong to us

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Technology has irritating gaps in it (Jimbo)

mouseover here:
energize (1)
energize (2)

The internet makes it possible to "meet" people all around the world, thus broadening your horizons and the quality of people you "know" immeasurably... but it doesn't do a damned thing to make long-range travel any more practical, inevitably leading to time wasted in futzing around online with really wonderful people who will never, ever genuinely be a part of your life in the way people nearby you could be, if only you weren't spending all your time with the (admittedly wonderful) ones you met on the internet instead.

I want teleportation booths, and I want 'em now.

God damn it. >=[ (Jimbo)

It has just come to my attention that neither of the last posts will work properly in Netscape. Fucking Netscape. DHTML COMPLIANCE, GOD DAMN IT, DHTML COMPLIANCE!

Why is Microsoft apparently the only fucking organization out there willing to write a fully DHTML-compliant browser?!

::Grumbles vehemently::

I'll start looking for new and improved ways to cope with fucking netscape over the next couple of days. Until then, load the page in IE if you want to see the stuff in the last couple of posts.

Welcome back, children (Jimbo)

By now, most of you know that the page took an unofficial hiatus while I took a new job, moved, moved again, experimented with playing with my PenIs, and lots of other fun stuff. Well... lots of you kept writing me and asking me when I'd come back. And to tell you the truth, even though it's a lot of work, I've really missed it.

So HERE YOU GO, FUCKERS! I'm back! Updates will probably be pretty sporadic, at least until I get a posting script designed - which will officially be "one of these days." In the meantime, fuck it, I'm here. Love me.

In the meantime, what would a page reopening be without a randomish update? Let's examine economic life in the war-torn Middle East:

Homemade American Flag:
1/2 gallon gasoline:
Disposable lighter:

$5.00
$0.60
$0.30

(click here)

Hey girlfriend, nice Bush - wanna get drunk? (Jimbo)

Late breaking news - last night, Presidential daughter Jenna Bush got busted for underage drinking in an Austin, TX nightclub. Oddly enough, the Secret Service agents didn't stop the local cops from issuing her a citation - were they in a Democratic political district or something?

Also in the "underage Bush" news - she might not be old enough to have a cold brewski, but the tasty 19-year-old Republicanette is old enough for Hustler magazine to legally offer her $10 million to get naked in its pages. And if you thought that was bold, check this out - while they're waiting, they decided to post a Photoshopped fake of Jenna spread-eagled on an American flag and finger-banging herself as the April centerfold! Dan Savage reported in his Onion column, Savage Love:

Speaking of money, in the April issue of Hustler, publisher Larry Flynt offered $10 million to ... Jenna, to pose nude in his magazine...

"We haven't heard from her... Actually, we're worried we're going to hear from her father. I'm terrified of that guy, to tell you the truth. Larry isn't, but I am," [said Hustler managing editor Allan MacDonell].

Why isn't the offer also being made to Jenna's twin sister, Barbara? "Jenna's the cute one," explained MacDonell, "and we're only interested in the cute ones around here." Harsh! What about poor Barbara's self-esteem? "The Bushes have way too much self-esteem. It seems to outpace their abilities, so if this decreases the self-esteem of one of the Bush clan, that's a good thing."

Cold-fuckin'-blooded. But admit it - you'd like to see a picture of Jenna spread-eagled in Hustler's trademark dental-mirror-spotlight-between-the-labia shot just as much as I would.

MSNBC: President's Daughter Cited For Alcohol
The Onion: Savage Love (April 2001 - they don't archive these, so hurry up)

Formality (Reverend Rob)


	or not

formality - Of or pertaining to customary form or conventionality.

Many of you know that I'm a Discordian, but the principles of Discordia are hard to define. Keith M, fellow poster, has commented that "Discordia is stupid", but I don't think I've adequately explained it, because I barely understood it myself. But the other day, while ~~smoking out~~ thinking to myself, I realized the best way to describe Discordia.

Discordianism is the opposite of formality.

When you think about the things that describe formality, they're things that require a sort of faith in custom. When you invite a man to a "formal event", that means to wear a coat and tie. He's got to have faith that he's not going to be the only one wearing a coat and tie.

The coat and tie is an excellent symbol of formality--the priest's robes are another. That's why Discordians occasionally do dress up in coat and tie or robes--to discredit their opponents, generally by acting very informal while dressed formally.

At the top of this post, I defined "formal". Formal and Formula are very similar.

formula - A set form of words in which something is defined, stated, or declared, or which is prescribed by authority or custom to be used on some ceremonial occasion.


lookin' sharp

The word "ceremonial" set off bells and sirens in my head when I read it. Ceremony. Tradition. Formality. Doing things blindly without thinking about one's actions.

That's what the Discordians are trying to fight, by pointing out the absurdities of traditional belief structures. "It is my firm belief that it is a mistake to hold firm beliefs" is Discordian catma--it's like dogma, except we encourage people to think about it before accepting it. Want some further justification for a full-out attack on formality? Here you go:

The formalization of spirituality is called organized religion, which most intelligent humans recognize as a sham. The formalization of education produces our public high school systems, which have a myriad of problems. College is less formal, and you don't see college shootings on the scale of high school shootings. The formalization of social interaction is the cocktail party, where everyone shows up for themselves, not to get to know others. And the formalization of writing is technical writing--the most formal and structured style of writing there is.

Generally speaking, most Americans have recognized that formalized social interaction is silly--that's why we have so many barbeques. But let's look at some other interesting facets of formality.

Formal table manners. Who cares if the fork is on the inner or the outer edge? Or whether you used the proper fork technique to cut your meat?


	fashion victim?

Returning to formal clothing, especially the tie--why would anyone choose to wear something that wraps around the neck like a noose otherwise? Or a dress that doesn't fit? Personally, I think there's nothing sexier than girl who's dressed down--pajamas and a tank top or t-shirt are the epitome of beauty.

Formality is like a death force--it strips our culture of happiness for the panache of "culture". But isn't culture really just a ghost? Who decided that formality was the height of professionalism and glamour?

Grist From The Mill (Jimbo)

The office rumor mill, that is... you could argue for hours over whether the gossip is better in a small business or a big business. Small businesses often get the best selection of "the special people", as they generally haven't even begun perfecting the art of the pre-hire interview, but big business tends to have a much wider pool of employees to draw from in order to find the most fucked-up happenings in somebody's personal life.

Whichever side of that debate you choose to take, however, you can't argue the fact that a business in that special "embryonic" stage struggling to break free of its small-biz roots and emerge into the big business scene gets the best of both worlds. Guess what kind of office I work in?

Last night, one coworker told me that another coworker - we'll call her X - had been confiding that she hadn't been givin' it up for hubby enough. In fact, hubby had gotten desperate enough recently that he informed X in no uncertain terms that if he didn't get it from her he was gonna get it somewhere - after which he immediately proceeded to take all his clothes off and start shakin' it in her face.

Okay... this is mildly entertaining, particularly if you know X, but as office rumor goes it's certainly not a prizewinner. Not until you match it up with the rumor about X that surfaced today:

X confided in another coworker that her dog had been so unbearably horny of late that she jacked it off. She trotted this tale out in the same sort of nonchalant tone that one dairy farmer would use telling another dairy farmer about a problem "seed bull" and the artificial insemination process.

Upon noting the reaction she was getting from her confidante, she immediately began changing the story to highlight "how gross it was" and how she'd "never do that again, yuck"... but it turned out later to be fairly obvious she was initially angling for some sympathy about hubby calling her "one sick bitch" for giving the family pooch a handjob.

I think it's pretty safe to say that, at one time or another, in one relationship or another, we've all encountered the aggravation of not being given enough of that funky stuff. When that happens, you feel wronged, you feel hurt, unloved, unsexy, all that stuff. In short, it's one of the worst feelings out there.

It must feel considerably worse when your S.O. leaves you hangin' but services the dog.

On a completely unrelated note, I was entertained to notice, while hearing today's half of the above story, that all of the salesmen in the office marked themselves off work this Friday. Got a calendar handy? Check Friday's date.

Heh heh heh.