Wtf?

This kind of thing never happens when you go to McDonald's.  >=\

But hey, what the fuck, merry Christmas.
    

	Go to www.blindwino.com and read stuff.  Seriously... this guy is insanely cool.   I'm not sure how often he updates, but if it's fairly regularly, he's definitely going to get a spot in the linkbar.  (Thanks to Jason of shitnews for the tip... he's had me in the Site of the Week spot for about three weeks now, and I'm just now getting around to returning the linkage.  Am I a fucking bastard, or what?)
	Then go check out this Onion-style article from the Spark... this is so mind-numbingly cool, you can actually feel the drool escaping the corner of your retarded, lopsided grin just before it starts dripping off of your chin. I considered blind linking a bukkake festival from the phrase "dripping off of your chin"... but, what the hell, it's almost Christmas.   Be thankful for my merciful holiday spirit.
	Comic store geeks are often kinda amusing when they're at the top of their form.  Of course, it's a damn shame that they so rarely have the requisite social skills to avoid horrifying everyone around them for that 90% of every waking hour that they aren't at the top of their form...  Ah, well.
	Who doesn't love a nice loony-ass Christian?  When I was 15 years old, my next door neighbor used to provide me with hours and hours of unintentional entertainment.  I'll never forget her telling me how she'd "just been having tea with Jesus yesterday".  Once, I told her that she really should either get a chain for her son's bike, or else let him bring the bike into her walled-in back yard... only to have her explain to me that she preferred him leave his bike unchained and outside the wall - where it wasn't even visible from inside the yard or the house - because "Jesus would watch over it for us." Needless to say, sonny boy was walking everywhere he went within a week or two.  I told her that apparently Hayzoos was indeed watching over her house - and hoping for more valuables.  But I think the point eluded her. This guy is even fucking crazier than she was.

You can pick up a simply incredible amount of surprisingly useful information in six years of Naval service.

12/1/99, Comrade Delusion orders Jade Chicken:
12/15/99, Jimbo orders Jade Scallops:

Coincidence?  I think not.   Ordering the Jade dishes is like playing with a magic eight ball.   Specifically, it's like playing with a magic eight ball containing an angry chinese dwarf floating in tequila, scribbling shit on the little cube just to fuck with your head. 

One of these days, I'm gonna make that little bastard pay.

But have you looked at any Geocities pages lately?  You know, for a free provider, they've actually gotten pretty mackin'.  I haven't had a connectivity problem or a significant bandwidth problem while looking at a Geocities-hosted page in quite some time now... and that pig-nasty javascript watermark has been replaced with what has got to be the best-behaved ad banner I have ever seen on a free page.

Instead of splashing a bigass banner across the top and/or bottom of the page - or, worse yet, inserting a big ass-nasty pop-up ad that gets in the way and usurps the focus from the current browser - Geocities' new system opens up a small, well-behaved little square in the upper-right-hand corner of the page that stays where it is, doesn't steal the focus from the page you're browsing... and it even minimizes itself all on its own if you haven't done anything with it in fifteen seconds!

I'm not real damn fond of advertising at all; but let's face it - "free" shit is only "free" to you because the provider can find a way to make money off of someone else... which makes the presence of advertising on free webspace pretty much an inevitability.

I never ever thought I'd say this, but... given all of the above, if you find yourself in need of some free webspace (and you aren't an unethical little bastard who'd rather just defeat the pop-up ads on one of the other services), I'd definitely recommend that you go check out www.geocities.com.

Somebody shoot me... please?

(note for the IQ deficient: this clip is under a "Theatre for the Jaded" header for a reason.)

Stile definitely wasn't kidding when he described the Kill Ugly TV guys as "more immature than I am"... and while their Ask Dr. Bastard column might have the same basic format as the Ask Professor Stoner column, I gotta tell ya, Dr. Bastard is definitely a bit more rude to the clientele.

Speaking of which, why the hell haven't you people been asking Professor Stoner any questions?   Go on, go on, make with the clicking, I know you people have questions that need answering.

Didja miss me?

I dunno if you feel better, but I sure do.

The worst you might possibly have to put up with would be a redirect page here that automatically sent you to the new page, until I could get the domain name itself to point to the new server.  Hopefully, none of that will even be necessary - at this point, to be frank, I am planning on changing servers, but hopefully we can get that accomplished without any of you even noticing.

More news tomorrow - and I'm sorry if this made your day suck a little bit more... but just think how much it made my day suck, eh?

Get it?   Got it?  Good.

Which is how I came to be loudly stating "oh, great, that will fuck the database" just as a middle-aged, somewhat hefty, primly-dressed pinch-faced woman pokes open the door, dumps a movie in the drop box in the counter, glares at me disapprovingly, and ducks back out the door again to go back to her car, which is still running by the sidewalk.

"Shit," I think, "I had to go enthusiastically yelling 'fuck' right when some church-going customer opens the door.   THAT really makes your clients happy with you.  Oh well..."  But then Brandy goes over to the drop box, pulls the movie our disapproving matron just dropped, and grins from ear-to-ear.  "Um, I don't think you have to worry about that after all..."  Brandy holds out the movie to me, and the title is "I SWALLOW!"

Rule.

Is there really anything to be said other than "ohmygod?"  (No.  There isn't.)  I've been astonished at just how flexible women can be on more than one occasion in the past, but... wow.   As far as I can tell, the original picture (click the gif to see the considerably larger original jpeg) was not faked. Yeow.

Forum work in progress
I'm workin' on it, chilluns... I downloaded the scripts, I'm going to start working on them tonight.  So don't get too frustrated if the updating is a bit on the light side for the next few days... remember, you asked for it.

You go, girl.

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