|Welcome to the Dec 1-27 1999 archive of Stream - you can click the planet to the left to get back to Jimbo's World if you're lost.|
|This is the part of the site where I don't have to screw about with formatting, or layouts, or anything else. I just bang on the keyboard like a diseased monkey, and *poof* - instant content! Guess what part of the site's most likely to get updated on a regular basis? Right.|
|27 December 1999|
|18:43||Those damnable Chinese are at it again|
|I got a fortune cookie today at lunch with two
fortunes in it... here they are, presented in order of appearance within the cookie:
This kind of thing never happens when you go to McDonald's. >=\
|26 December 1999|
|22:05||Keep that Y2K bug out of your bedroom with...|
|01:07||Theatre for the Jaded: this is not a normal yoga exercise|
|23 December 1999|
|23:56||I know I haven't been updating, and of course I have a whiny-ass excuse...|
|But do you really want to hear
it? No, I didn't think you did. Fuck you anyway - I still
don't feel like updating.
But hey, what the fuck,
|19 December 1999|
|16:32||If you're reading this...|
|Then you're reading it on the new, First
Amendment approved jimbosworld.org server. WOOHOO!
Lemme know if you find anything broken; trying to move the entire site from one
server to another is a real pain in the ass.
|18 December 1999|
|16:43||Which competitor would you like to exterminate today?|
|17 December 1999|
|15 December 1999|
|19:50||íLos bandidos del refrigerador, se guardan!|
|Sadly, there seem to be some burrito-stealin'
motherfuckers at work. That's why I posted this sign on the fridge:
You can pick up a simply incredible amount of surprisingly useful information in six years of Naval service.
|18:28||Stay away from the seafood|
|Hmmm. It seems as though there may be
something very "speshur" about the Jade dishes in Chinese
restaurants. Examine closely:
Coincidence? I think not. Ordering the Jade dishes is like playing with a magic eight ball. Specifically, it's like playing with a magic eight ball containing an angry chinese dwarf floating in tequila, scribbling shit on the little cube just to fuck with your head.
One of these days, I'm gonna make that little bastard pay.
|14 December 1999|
|01:27||In defense of "Geoshitties"|
|You know, everybody - and I do mean everybody
- bags on Geocities. And there was a time when they richly deserved it - fucking awful
connectivity, shitty-ass watermark thingies that did some jive-ass jitterbug scroll up and
down to stay in the lower right-hand corner of the page all getting in the way and shit...
eh, it was almost worse than Crosswinds, and let me tell you, Crosswinds sucks
Instead of splashing a bigass banner across the top and/or bottom of the page - or, worse yet, inserting a big ass-nasty pop-up ad that gets in the way and usurps the focus from the current browser - Geocities' new system opens up a small, well-behaved little square in the upper-right-hand corner of the page that stays where it is, doesn't steal the focus from the page you're browsing... and it even minimizes itself all on its own if you haven't done anything with it in fifteen seconds!
I'm not real damn fond of advertising at all; but let's face it - "free" shit is only "free" to you because the provider can find a way to make money off of someone else... which makes the presence of advertising on free webspace pretty much an inevitability.
I never ever thought I'd say this, but... given all of the above, if you find yourself in need of some free webspace (and you aren't an unethical little bastard who'd rather just defeat the pop-up ads on one of the other services), I'd definitely recommend that you go check out www.geocities.com.
Somebody shoot me... please?
|00:57||Theatre for the Jaded: An Audio Presentation|
|I laughed until I fucking cried
the first time I listened to this
MP3 clip promoting Zamfir, Master of the Pan Flute's new-skool efforts.
(note for the IQ deficient: this clip is under a "Theatre for the Jaded" header for a reason.)
|00:20||Let me clear something up for you fine folks|
|13 December 1999|
|00:03||Go go hooker skates!|
|Rude, crude, and immature|
|Remember a while back when I posted a link to
an archived copy of that oldskool favorite, Mirksy's Worst Of The Web?
Well, imagine my surprise when, a couple of days ago, I got an email from the guys
over at Kill Ugly TV... heh heh heh, I remember
when they made Mirsky's for their article describing "vagina" as "a
condition that we have discovered fully half of the world's population is afflicted
with." (Can you say "misogynistic"? I knew you could.)
Stile definitely wasn't kidding when he described the Kill Ugly TV guys as "more immature than I am"... and while their Ask Dr. Bastard column might have the same basic format as the Ask Professor Stoner column, I gotta tell ya, Dr. Bastard is definitely a bit more rude to the clientele.
Speaking of which, why the hell haven't you people been asking Professor Stoner any questions? Go on, go on, make with the clicking, I know you people have questions that need answering.
|09 December 1999|
|08:06||I'm back, I'm bad, and I'm nationwide|
|Woohoo! Everything didn't go quite
as planned with the move to the newer server at my host, but it's all good now. Most
of the broken content is fixed, and the rest of it (like Josh's favorite Gummi Worm pix) will get
replaced later on tonight.
Didja miss me?
|08 December 1999|
|OK, folks... I got in touch with my host this
morning. They were very accommodating, and all is now well. Expect the broken
content to be restored and functional again later on tonight, and we shouldn't have any
more problems like this.
I dunno if you feel better, but I sure do.
|Yes, I'm quite aware
that I have a bunch of broken images on the page. There will be no update tonight -
I have some shit I need to straighten out with my webhost as soon as they're open for
business tomorrow morning. Never fear - I have the entire page archived locally; if
things go badly with my host tomorrow then I will simply put the page somewhere else and
redirect http://jimbosworld.org to go there instead
The worst you might possibly have to put up with would be a redirect page here that automatically sent you to the new page, until I could get the domain name itself to point to the new server. Hopefully, none of that will even be necessary - at this point, to be frank, I am planning on changing servers, but hopefully we can get that accomplished without any of you even noticing.
More news tomorrow - and I'm sorry if this made your day suck a little bit more... but just think how much it made my day suck, eh?
|07 December 1999|
|01:29||A friendly warning|
|There's nothing quite like the feeling of
calling up tech support for a service you're paying good money for
and, upon identifying yourself and your problem, immediately
being asked "so, you don't believe in God?" Um, yeah. I really
felt like dealing with that today. If you're reading this - and you know who you are
- then let me make one thing perfectly clear: fuck with me just a little
bit more, and the next thing you're gonna be asking a customer
is "so, you want fries with that?"
Get it? Got it? Good.
|The obligatory daily skank|
|Self-righteous types are so entertaining sometimes|
|One of my clients is a local video rental
chain. The peeps working there are pretty cool for the most part, so when I have to
go visit one to lay the smack down on an errant old crusty computer, I usually wind up
hanging around and socializing for quite a while after I sign out in the logbook.
Tonight was no exception, and since some people had recently been fired for colorful
reasons, it was a particularly entertaining night to socialize
and swap war stories.
Which is how I came to be loudly stating "oh, great, that will fuck the database" just as a middle-aged, somewhat hefty, primly-dressed pinch-faced woman pokes open the door, dumps a movie in the drop box in the counter, glares at me disapprovingly, and ducks back out the door again to go back to her car, which is still running by the sidewalk.
"Shit," I think, "I had to go enthusiastically yelling 'fuck' right when some church-going customer opens the door. THAT really makes your clients happy with you. Oh well..." But then Brandy goes over to the drop box, pulls the movie our disapproving matron just dropped, and grins from ear-to-ear. "Um, I don't think you have to worry about that after all..." Brandy holds out the movie to me, and the title is "I SWALLOW!"
|03 December 1999|
|20:57||If only *I* was this flexible...!|
Forum work in progress
|02 December 1999|
|23:01||Theatre for the Jaded|
|01 December 1999|
|01:57||NEWS FLASH: New Quarter Homepage Takes No Quarter|
|Damn. Megan delivered an excellent
against cynicism on the web - go check it out. While you're there, I recommend
poking around at all the rest of the goodies she has there... what Megan lacks in flashy
HTML phunk, she more than makes up in thought-provoking intellectual goodness.
You go, girl.
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