Welcome to the October 1999 archive of Stream - you can click the planet to the left to get back to Jimbo's World if you're lost.

STREAM OF ^urine
CONSCIOUSNESS

On the other hand, I must love you, because I'm making it more difficult on myself than it absolutely has to be by trying, once again, to make the page look identical (well, as close as it can - there are some things that simply can't be done in Netscape) under both browsers.  I'm not going to try to fix all the old entries... but from here on out, you should start seeing almost exactly the same Jimbo's World as the Internet Explorer folks do.  Except, of course, for some of the crispy little effects like the mouseover underlines on links.  Oh well.  Don't think that I'm going to quit playing with my l1nkb4r just because you can't.

Meet Mahir.  Mahir is from Turkey.  If you're female, Mahir likes you.  Mahir likes you a lot.  Of course, to be perfectly honest... Mahir is from Turkey, so the odds are pretty good that even if you're not female he likes you a lot.

Either way, Mahir would like to kiss you.  What, you don't believe me?  Well then, just go visit the brother and see for yourself!  He plays a mean accordion, too, and his English is just delightful.

Of course, when I say "visit the brother", all I really mean is go check out his page... but then, if you were interested in something a little more personal, I'm sure you could convince him to work something out.

Like first-class air fare to Turkey.

I KISS YOU!

Er, well, that is, um... you have got to check this out unless you can't deal roleplaying a guy who:

• (very) rarely wears pants
• keeps condiments in his underwear
• scored with his sister back in the '70s
• has a girlfriend with a line outside her house
• is related to the Gorton's Fisherman (remember him?)
• isn't above scoring with his sister again
• gets kicked in the sack a lot
• idolizes Webster
• eats things he finds in the catfood

1. Once again, I have assisted Mankind in demonstrating its collective superiority over inanimate objects.  Drum brakes, old and crusty though you may be, you are my bitch.
2. The issue referenced below has been resolved without undue bloodshed or loss of life on either side.
3. This was the first day of fall weather here, and the cold felt like a betrayal.
4. I finally got off my ass and finished an entry for Jen's site.
5. I did not, however, get off my ass and do the updates I've promised here.
6. Have I mentioned that I'm the Sofa King yet?  OK, just wanted to make sure.

Goodnight, folks.

Her>  I may have to boycott your page.

Me>  Oh, c'mon - what's invoking such dire wrath - the implied misogyny,
Me>  the implied appreciation of fellatio, or just the pun?
Me>
Me>  I wouldn't think ANY of the three would exactly be a surprise... after
Me>  all, I'm:
Me>
Me>     1. male
Me>     2. heterosexual
Me>     3. a smartass
Me>
Me>  All of which you've known for quite some time. =)

Her>  Implied?  Nah..the "implication" that the only thing women are good
Her>  for is fellatio, but even THAT isn't enough.

First of all, I'm gonna have to get grammatical on your ass: that is your inference, not my implication.

And now, allow me to briefly discuss how I feel about the fact that this person inferred that I think women are only good for sex:

what a crock of shit.  

I don't think anyone who even slightly knows me genuinely believes for a second that I feel that way.  For crying out loud, look at the personal sites in my linkbar - it's overwhelmingly populated with females, most of whom don't even publish pictures of themselves.   What, am I hoping one of them will give me a blowjob?  I don't fucking think so.  Am I hallucinating, or isn't it my site that had a rant on the front page about assholes that treat women poorly, and how close I came to taking on a table full of such in a bar on a friend's behalf?  I guess I must have hoped she'd blow me in exchange for standing up for her.  My, what a shallow asshole I am!

I'm going to refrain from detailing personal reasons this person has for knowing that I don't feel that way - and there have been several, over the more than five years we've known each other - and just say this:

if you still don't know me any better than that...
you probably never will.

Oh well.  Dammit, I want my search engine ranking back!

And speaking of the 3r33t L1nkb4r... dammit, I think I'm going to have to do something different with it.  Too many of you fucking people insist on longass page names that don't fit there very well.   Graphical buttons are probably going to be my only possible choice that'll give me any consistency in layout... but I can't do those vertically without making the whole page one big table, like r33t or the Stile Project... and dammit, I *hate* having to wait for an entire page to load before I can see anything, so I refuse to do that.  REFUSE, do you hear? (bla bla words tech byte HTML layout oh, was Jimbo talking?  Yeah, I know.  Bite me.)

Maybe a big collection of link buttons down at the very bottom of the page?   Either that, or below the current t00lb4r, in between it and Stream.   I dunno.

Incidentally... is it just me, or does the E/N section of the L1nkb4r look like some homeboy from an old hardboiled detective flick wearing a fedora now?

Ah, well.  The good news is, all is (finally) well again, and we're back on track once more.  I'm still finishing up the last touches to the repair job... so if you still see any peeling plaster, uncaulked seams, or even broken links after Tuesday morning, please let me know and I'll fix 'em post haste.  I may not get any new content up this morning due to the lateness of the hour and my feverish repair attempts, but never fear, there's some good stuff on the way - including a short-but-sweet new entry to the Ask Professor Stoner column, and a story of the lovely (and delinquent!) C00kie Cr00k, who appears to have a vendetta going against the local bagboys.  (Hey - if you're gonna pick on somebody, pick on somebody too poor to afford a lawyer, right?)

G'night, folks... and welcome back to Jimbo's World.

At any rate, for those of us who remember, somebody is hosting all of the old Mirsky-style content... and for those of you who don't, even though it's kinda dated now - and almost certainly all the pages it listed are long, long since gone - you should go check out a bastion of the glory days of the web.

And I also found myself wanting to scream BULLSHIT! a lot less than I normally do.  It happened once or twice, but I'm usually a seething mass of discontent violated intellectualism most of the way through even movies I like... god, I hate how stupid Hollywood's target audience generally is.

And now that we've cleared all those things up, I'd like to reiterate that Catherine Zeta Jones owns me.  I would slap the intimidatingly delectable Lucy Lawless in the face, if necessary, in order to secure the affections of CZJ - even if she had on her Xena armor and was threatening me with an aluminum sword and one of those goofy bolo things.  I would also pretend scorn as I dismissed Renee O'Connor, who plays Xena's lovely little blond clearly-submissive buddy Gabrielle, if that was what it took to get me in there like swimwear with CZJ.  Never, never, never have I been quite so astonished at the exotic, animalistic desirability of a woman.  Yow.

Go check it out at Wired if you like... I made a very skeptical reader, but the tag line at the end that said the article had been published in the Journal of Neuroscience made a believer out of me.

Also btw, what exactly is that "nowimin" mp3 you gots up there?  Inquiring minds want to know.   And speaking of MP3's, have any of you people downloaded that ICP vs. Eminem diss I've got linked up there on the t00Lbar, or am I wasting my time uploading the things?  Gimme some feedback if you've downloaded it.  Man, I gotta make that a link to a page with a counter on it instead of a link direct to the MP3...

And maybe even sign the guestbook.   Don't think I won't borrow Jag from Tracie for long enough to take some sort of nasty rodent revenge on you if you don't; she and Jag both owe me one anyway...

And it doesn't exactly help that I always seem to wind up mutually attracted to/with the ones that are the most T-R-O-U-B-L-E.

Just thought I'd mention that.

At any rate, go visit Lisa's Homepage.  And while you're there, tell her that if she doesn't like calling it Lisa's Homepage, then she should call it One.

While you're looking at this screenshot (which is in Internet Explorer 4 at 800x600, resized to half the normal size so your modem won't choke), also notice the inset with the link to Beeyotch highlighted.  I'd like you to notice a couple of things: while all the links are in boldface, the highlighted link - the one that the mouse is "hovering" over - is also in a noticeably brighter color and underlined.  Now, I'll be the first to admit that eye candy isn't everything... but dammit, that mouseover effect is cool enough that I can often be seen just running my mouse over my own linkbar, drooling happily like a 'tard with a new bright red rubber ball.  And you people are missing it.

Folks, I know if you're using Netscape, obviously you've found reasons to like it.  But I just want to make sure you understand something - this is not a situation that "Internet Explorer has different features", or even "Internet Explorer has more features."  HTML has a set of standards that neither Netscape nor Microsoft get to dictate - only follow.  Netscape fails, and fails miserably, to adhere to those standards - or even to continue operating in the face of HTML code that wasn't written specifically to cater to Netscape's failings.

As you know, this site isn't something that makes me any money.  As a matter of fact, I'm geek enough that I'm paying for the privilege of having this thing, in money as well as in my time.  So unlike the big commercial sites, I'm not going to spend a lot of time sweating and trying to find ways to make this site look exactly the same on a browser that just "does its own thing" instead of adhering to HTML standards.

On the other hand, there wouldn't be any point in me doing this if nobody read it - you guys are important to me, and if you choose to use Netscape, I'm not going to argue with your choice.  even though I desperately, desperately want to.  So I will do my best to at least keep the site presentable in Netscape.  Thank you very much for letting me know it was dying, Lisa - and you guys that are using Netscape... if anything particularly goofy is going on, like images appearing in random places (or the whole damn browser crashing around your ears every time you come here) - please let me know, willya?

(Incidentally, if anybody wants to see a neat way to kill Netscape code with a perfectly good table using style sheets, click here and it'll take you to the un-fixed version of my page.  WARNING - if you are using Netscape, IT WILL DIE and maybe send Windows crashing to the ground with it if you click that link!)

     "It isn't only political power that grows out of the barrel of a gun.  So does a whole definition of reality.  A set.  And the action that has to happen on that particular set and on none other."
     "Don't be so bloody patronizing," I objected... "That's just Marx: the ideology of the ruling class becomes the ideology of the whole society."
     "Not the ideology.  The Reality."  He lowered his handkerchief.  "This was a public park until they changed the definition.   Now, the guns have changed the Reality.  It isn't a public park.   There's more than just one kind of magic."
     "Just like the Enclosure Acts," I said hollowly.   "One day the land belonged to the people.  The next day it belonged to the landlords."
     "And like the Narcotics Acts," he added.  "A hundred thousand harmless junkies became criminals overnight, by Act of Congress, in nineteen twenty-seven.  Ten years later, in thirty-seven, all the pot-heads in the country became criminals overnight, by Act of Congress.  And they really were criminals, when the papers were signed.  The guns prove it.  Walk away from those guns, waving a joint, and refuse to halt when they tell you.  Their Imagination will become your Reality in a second."

Every now and then, stop, take a deep breath, and ask yourself - really ask yourself: how much of my Reality is someone else's Imagination?

Wow.

On the other hand, if Lisa were to start referring to my page as "index", I might have to reconsider my position...

  Validate this site's existence.  Affirm your own.
         Glorify mine.  Sign the guestbook.