Around the back of the church lies an old wooden hatch that leads to the cellar where Matt resides.  Muffled strains of a Jimmy Page guitar solo can be heard from behind it.  Princess approaches the hatch and pops it open just as Robert Plant cuts loose with one of his infamous pants-too-tight squeals.

Robert Plant: "WoooooooooMuhHunnnnnnn!"

Princess: "Matt?  You down there?"

Matt: "Yo!"

Princess: "Can I come down?"

Matt: "Anytime, babe."

   Princess descends the creaky stairs into the musty darkness.

Robert Plant: <impersonating a car alarm> "Aaaaaaiiiiieeeeeiiiiiieeeeeiiiiii!"

Princess: <with her fingers in her ears> "Oh my god Matt, turn that shit off!"

Matt: <turning it down, but not off> "Shit?  Shit?!  This is Led Zeppelin!  The greatest band in the history of... history!  Show some respect, dude."

Princess: "Ooh, sor-ree.  Didn't mean to disparage Lord of the Perm and his musical trio.  Anyway, where have you been lately?  I feel like I haven't seen you for weeks."

Matt: "Because you haven't.  It's been nearly a month since the last update."

Princess: "Hey, don't do that!"

Matt: "What?"

Princess: "Break the fourth wall."

Matt: "What the fuck is breaking the fourth wall?"

Princess: "It's when one of the characters in a story betrays the integrity of the fiction by referring his surroundings as a story rather than reality.  The term alludes to film studios where the fourth wall of a room is removed so the cameras can see in.  The fourth wall is an invisible barrier between the actors and the audience.  Breaking it destroys the illusion that the drama is truly occurring."

Matt: "Oh.  But didn't you do it in episode two when you spoke directly to the narrator?"

Princess: "Sure, but when I do it, it's funny.  The technique can be exploited for comic or surreal purposes, but doing so successfully is difficult.  More difficult than a dumb stoner like you should attempt."

Matt: "Ouch."

Princess: "So don't do it again."

Matt: "Okay."

   She begins poking around the beakers and test tubes of Matt's makeshift drug lab.

Princess: "Cook up anything good lately?"

Matt: "Nah.  I tried to make LSD last week, but all it did was fuck up my hearing and give me the squirts.  There's plenty left if you ever need a strong laxative."

Princess: "Laxative, eh?  Kinky."

Matt: "Sicko."

   A glowing green scorpion scuttles along one of the pipes near the ceiling.  Princess leisurely flings a ninja star at it, slicing it in half.

Princess: "Scorpion season already?"

Matt: "Yeah.  Little bastards are everywhere."

Princess: "You ought to try taking out your trash once in a while.  I can see at least four old pizzas under your couch."

Matt: "Can we not talk about my bad habits for once?"

Princess: "Suit yourself.  So."

Matt: "So."

Princess: "Well then."

Matt: "Yup."

Princess: "How about that weather?  Crazy stuff, huh?"

Matt: "Dude, this episode is boring!"

Princess: "Aargh!  You did it again!"

Matt: "What do you expect?  Nobody wants to read about a couple of people sitting around talking."

Princess: "Unless they're reading Smile."

Matt: "Whatever.  Like anybody reads that."

Princess: "I happen to like Smile.  Keith McNally is my God.  My lusty strapping young Canadian freshmaker God!"

Matt: "Keith is gay."

Princess: "You can't prove that."

Matt: "I have pictures."

Princess: "Well, at least he updates every week.  Unlike some serial fics."

Matt: "Why do you think we're an episodic fiction then, and not a serial?  Better to only post a story when it's good than to drop a huge turd on the unsuspecting public every week."

Princess: "And this episode is just soooo damn entertaining."

Matt: "Point taken - this episode fucking sucks.  How can we spice it up?"

Princess: "We could get naked."

   They get naked.

Matt: "Now what?"

Princess: "I could blow you."

Matt: "Okay!"

   She blows him.

Princess: "How 'bout a little help with the narration here?  'She blows him.'  That isn't very exciting.  Try it again."

   Princess struts sexily across the room, her tender young skin set aglow by the black light of Matt's psychedelic love lounge.  In the background Robert Plant croons about 'squeezing his lemon'.  Matt strikes a classic Playgirl pose on his bed as an invitation.  She approaches, takes his engorged man meat between her fingertips and gently fondles the tip.  He slips his hands around her neck and draws her down to his throbbing wang.  Taking a deep breath, she slips his love muscle between her gleaming lips and begins to bob.  Over and over and over again she thrusts the full, hot length down her throat.  Matt throws his head back in ecstasy.  She feels his whole body start to quiver and pulls back to allow him to blast his baby sauce all over her perky breasts and face.  Boo-yah!

Princess: "On second thought, writing about sex is a waste.  Toilet humor and ninja jokes are where the real money is."

Matt: "Is it an episode yet?"

Princess: "Let's see.  We've had our opening and our climax; all we need now is a conclusion."

Matt: "A conclusion?  I conclude the author needs to put more effort into this mess or just dump it altogether."

Princess: "Sounds like a plan."