So like, there's these three kids, right? That are ninjas? You know, masters of the invisible art and all that stuff. Except Matt's a hardcore junky, Princess is a jailbait nymphomaniac and Edward worships demons. But none of that is important now. What is important is that they're sitting around talking over breakfast.

Matt: "Casual greeting to Princess."

Princess: "Reciprocates the greeting with one of her own."

Matt: "Inquires about her recent whereabouts?"

Princess: "Informs him in detail of a just finished sexual escapade with their geriatric Head Master."

Matt: "Expresses disgust!"

Princess: "Laughs and dismisses his revulsion."

   Then Edward stalks in, breathing all hard like he's been working on something or another really hard. He's got a lot of blood on his arms and face. Gross! That guy is totally a freak. Wonder what he's been doing?

Princess: "Cheerfully welcomes Edward to join their conversation."

Edward: "Accepts."

Princess: "Points out the blood and asks who or what it belonged to."

Edward: "Quickly describes the six goats he sacrificed during the night."

Princess: "Makes a joke about what lunch will likely consist of that day."

Edward: "Without laughing, confirms her suspicions."

Matt: "Wonders out loud what goat meat tastes like?"

Princess: "While licking Edward's fingers, makes a distasteful reference to the slogan of a popular restaurant!"

Matt: "Vomits."

Edward: "Corrects Princess by stating that goat meat has a flavor much closer to that of human flesh."

Matt: "Vomits! Vomits! Vomits!"

   Man, this is some pretty fucked up shit going on here. Ooh, here comes Head Master Wang! Bet he's gonna kick some punk teenage ass. Aww yeah.

Wang: "Takes one look at the spew-soaked scene and strikes Matt in the face with his ninja stick. Then hits him again. Then again."

Matt: "Wails in pain!"

Wang: "Chides Matt on a proper ninja's ability to control his own stomach, hits him one last time and then leaves."

Matt: "Is unconscious."

Princess: "Attempts to revive Matt."

Matt: "Is still unconscious."

Princess: "Abandons the effort and wipes up Matt's puke with his own long, scraggly hair."

   That bitch!

Edward: "Without excusing himself, goes to his room and shuts the door."

   He's so creepy. I don't like that guy. But look! Here comes the music teacher, Master Penis. Yo, he's my homeboy. Word up and stuff. And he's got Bitchface the parrot with him.

Penis: "Approaches the group, insults everyone, propositions Princess to have sex for money."

Princess: "Interprets this as harmless flirtation and giggles."

Matt: "Tries to connect with Penis by utilizing urban colloquialisms."

Penis: "Angrily rebuffs this outpouring of friendliness! Likens Matt's ethnicity to baked goods."

Bitchface: "Expletive."

Matt: "Apologizes for being white."

Penis: "Performs an impromptu lyrical rhyme about the superiority of the black race, the exaggerated size of his genitals, and the volume of cash in his bank account."

Bitchface: "Beatboxes."

Penis: "Continues to rap about women as non-intelligent sex objects, the amount of chrome on his luxury car, and a list of people he has killed or attempted to."

Bitchface: "Beatboxes and dances. Expletive!"

Penis: "Wishes them all a peaceful day before adjourning to his classroom to smoke crack."

Bitchface: "Expletive. Expletive expletive! Flies after Penis to join the crack smoking."

Matt: "Comments on his desire to wash the vomit from his hair."

Princess: "Suggests going out back to the pool."

Matt: "Enthusiastically agrees!"

   Y'know, most normal people would take a bath in this situation rather than go jump in a pool full of walrus turds. These are not normal people. So they go out back to the pool. Whatever.

Princess and M: "Greet Wally, the resident walrus. They jump in the pool."

Wally: "Contented walrus sound."

Princess: "Starts up a conversation with Wally while Matt rinses his hair."

Wally: "Walrus sound."

Princess: "Brings the dialogue to the events of Wally's weekend."

Wally: "Walrus sound. Excited walrus sound! Walrus sounds. Inquisitive walrus sound?"

Princess: "Nods in agreement."

Wally: "Walrus sound. Exasperated walrus sound! Series of walrus sounds that may or may not contain fragments of actual words. Belches."

   Hey, I think I see Master Baytor heading this way! And he's naked! Sleepwalking and naked, wearing nothing but high heels and a pink beehive wig. Whoa! Dude's got a huge cock on him. Her. It. Anyways, the thing is huge!

Baytor: "Climbs up to the platform on the side of the pool and begins urinating near where Matt is bathing."

Matt: "Screams! Pleads loudly with Baytor to stop peeing in his bath water."

Princess: "Interrupts Matt to silence him. Reminds him that a sleepwalker should not be awoken."

Baytor: "Continues with what is turning out to be one very long piss."

Matt: "Whimpers."

Baytor: "Finishes up. Shakes off the drops, and one hits Matt square on the lower lip."

Matt: "Sputters and spits it away!"

Baytor: "Does a sexy little stripper dance before wandering away."

Princess: "Laughs at Matt's misfortune."

Wally: "Walrus laughs at Matt, too."

   Heh heh. Dude got pee right in his mouth.

Matt: "Sulks."