"So why do you hate school so much?"

Elizabeth's glance moves slowly to the side, where Steven sits, watching her expectantly. "Are you saying that you like it?"

"No, but come on. It's not like things couldn't be worse."

"Yeah, that's what everybody says, when they don't have the backbone to change anything. It's the universal cop-out: People all around the world are doing worse than us, so we'd better just shut our mouths and not try to fix anything." She turns fully toward him and looks him in the eye, ignoring the throb of a slight headache. "All this place ever taught you was that you're a human being and you're scum, that you ruin everything and were only put here to destroy. Maybe you haven't realized it, but that's the message around here. They didn't teach you how to think, they only taught you that you're better off not thinking. But you just go along with it, and then you pay money to keep going, and you perpetuate the system–" She coughs suddenly, then pauses for a moment to recollect herself. "And you'll tell your kids to go to college and get some boring job, living in this little pathway of life that somebody built for you, without ever checking to see what's on the outside. Go to school, get an education – I'll be so fucking glad when those two things stop being talked about like they're the same thing."

His brow furrows. "Isn't that a little cynical? It's not like this institution was put here just to break people down. There's no way that everything here can be negative."

Her gaze moves up to the ceiling. "Yeah, there were probably some good intentions, at some point. But they're all gone now." She smirks. "As it stands, we'd practically be better off going to church. At least it's only an hour a week."

"What's wrong with church?"

Her eyes widen as she looks at him, and for a moment she doesn't say anything. "Jesus... were you specifically put on the planet to annoy me? What are you gonna tell me next, that communism would work if only people weren't so damned greedy?"

He thinks for a moment. "Well, yeah, I–"

"Stop." She raises a hand. "Just... stop. I've been over this too many times with too many people, and it's always the same." She puts a hand on her forehead. "I'm really not feeling up to it today."

He watches her for a moment, then shrugs a little. "Okay," he mutters as he turns back to his schoolwork.

She sits quietly for a while, staring vaguely at her textbook while thoughts work their way around her slightly throbbing head. Eventually she can't keep them contained any longer and hears herself start speaking.

"You know, I used to respect socialists for one thing. I was always proud of the way that most of them rejected religion. That was all I respected them for, but at least it was something." She glances at him briefly, just to make sure he's listening. "Then I realized they were just trying to swallow the bigger fish. They had to get rid of religion, because the two are linked at the throat. The doctrine of self-sacrifice and subordination to something "bigger than oneself" are identical. For the glory of heaven, for the glory of the people, because god told me to, because the state told me to. It's all the same. The individual's not important, so we can screw with you however we want, because it's all for the "greater good". What pisses me off most about it is that it's not even complicated. The individual is the basic unit, that's all that's important. But it's never power to each person, it's always power to the people." She sneers a little. "The people are idiots who I don't want anything to do with. If they can't represent themselves as individuals then I don't care what they think. Communal brains don't count. Every new head just adds to the mediocrity."

He sighs a little as he puts down his pen. "Can't we ever talk about anything pleasant?"

She grins and looks over at him. "You and me? 'Fraid not. So go ahead."

"Go ahead and what?"

"Showboat for me. Hit me with some counter-opinions. Make yourself heard, assert your view of life." She gestures toward her chest. "Lay it on me."

He's silent for a moment, and she gets a mental image of him trying to kickstart his brain. Finally, he shrugs. "What can I say?" he tells her sheepishly. "Nothing's on my mind."

"Yeah, well, whatever." She looks around, making sure that the teacher isn't in the room. "I'm not feeling too well, so I'm gonna get out of here. Here's my part of the assignment." She hands him a piece of paper. "Feel free to finish it up."

She stands up and her headache gets immediately worse. Fighting back the sudden wave of pressure in her forehead, she quickly leaves the classroom. Outside she leans against a locker to regain her balance and give the pain a chance to subside. She closes her eyes. Looks like it's time to go home.


"I never understood why depressed people think of suicide. When I'm depressed, all I can think of is how much I don't want to die, how much I want to live, how much I love it here. In stories about immortal people, the ennui of eternal life always strikes them after a few hundred years, but for me I know it wouldn't. I'd do anything for a longer life. As long as there was a planet with people on it, I'd be happy to watch them forever. It would be the greatest thing, to be able to watch them progress, to see what they make, to see where they go. You know what I mean?"

She looks around, but Liam's not there. He's gone to the funeral today, she forgot. In fact, she realizes that she's not even talking. Just thinking. She looks around her bedroom, her blankets pulled tightly around her. She looks at her bookshelf, the trees outside her window, her shoes laying beside her bed. When I die, this is all gone. Everything's going to disappear, just like that. I'm the only one who makes anything real, the one who gives everything its weight. What good is a universe with no consciousness to perceive it? What purpose does it serve? I suppose it will all still be here after I die, but how will I know? What if I really am the only one who's real in all of this? And what difference will anything make anyway, if I'm not here to see it?

And I don't even know why I talk to some of these people... politics... it's just an extension of philosophy. You can't talk politics with anybody who isn't aware of their own philosophy. You just waste time attacking the face, instead of addressing the root.

Address, discuss, is that what was going on today?

No, I was just kicking that guy around the playfield for awhile. Kinda funny, kinda useless, kinda headache... people banging their heads together, talking at each other, never listening, never understanding anything. Their hands are duct taped behind their backs, and the joke is that they're not even hitting each other. Their heads miss every time.

She curls up against her blankets and sinks her head further into her pillow. The sun just has to go down, and everything will be fine. She shuts her eyes tightly. It will only be a few more hours, and then she can sleep.


"So how was the funeral?" Elizabeth asks, putting a hand on Liam's shoulder. He's sitting at his desk, waiting for the day's first class to begin, browsing through a book. He puts it down and says, "I don't know, I couldn't go inside. I went for a walk instead."

"Probably a good call." She takes her seat next to him.

He notices a scratchy hoarseness in her voice and looks over at her. Her face is pale and her slightly squinting eyes look dark, almost bruised. "Holy shit, you look terrible!"

She laughs a little, then brings her hand to her mouth and coughs. "Thanks for the report. Don't worry, I'll be alright."

"What happened?"

"I dunno, I just got sick. It hit pretty fast, too."

"Shouldn't you be at home? You've actually got a legitimate excuse for once."

She waves a hand dismissively. "No way. The worst thing you can do when you're sick is give in to it. You have to pretend it's not there, and it'll be gone in no time. Trust me."

He eyes her warily. "Okay. You really do look bad, though."

"Yes, we've established that. I said don't worry. Tomorrow I'll be as good as new."

He shrugs. "Well, you don't necessarily have to recuperate in class; we could skip out and get something to eat."

She wrinkles her face and puts her hands on her stomach. "No thanks. I tried to eat some cereal at home and almost threw up. Besides, I don't wanna move around too much. I'll just sit here and self-repair."

"You're one weird kid sometimes. Hey, are you contagious?"

"A guess we'll find out, Liam old buddy," she says, draping an arm around his neck.

"I'm sure if I ignore you I won't get sick."

She grins. "See, that's the spirit!"


The Life and Times of Genghis Khan

by
Liam Scott

History 12                     Ms. Cantrell

     Hey, Ms. Cantrell. I was thinking the other day about some things. You know how people say that we're all equal, that nobody is any better or worse than you, how we're all the same? I was thinking about how these ideas are poison. They just don't make sense. We all deserve the same freedoms, the same rights, but we are not all equal. People aren't interchangeable. I'm not going to stand next to a murderer or a thief and say that they're as good as me. If I'm pitted against someone of lesser ability, I'm not gonna lie and say that they can do the job just as well as I can. If there's something that I've really wanted in life and that I've worked years to achieve, I'm not going to step down so that someone slower than me can get to it first. As long as the things I do aren't detrimental to anyone else, I think I should be left alone to do them. And if the only "detriment" is that I attain my goal faster than someone else, then so be it. There should be honor in dealing with my fellow people, not just a bunch of complaining coercion. By forcing everyone onto one level, no equality is gained, it's just the more able people who've become the scape-goats. And it's dangerous, because if the able stop playing along, all of this will disappear. I've always wondered where these people think our technology comes from, these champions of redistribution and public welfare. Just some magic trick, or a happy coincidence of nature that we have buildings and electricity and cars and plastic? If no one individual is important, I wonder how many of the masses, happily grouped together, it would take to equal one Pasteur? One Da Vinci? One... well, one anybody. It doesn't matter how many mediocre brains one were to group together, they can never add up to more than the sum of their parts. Putting them together doesn't make them smarter; hell, I think it makes them more dumb. They'd still have to wait for the right person to be born, the right singular intelligence, then back off long enough to let the guy (or girl) invent something. Of course, once he did they'd be right in there, claiming it for themselves and swearing that any one of them could have done it. Sure, a lot of times something is discovered by several people, building on each other's ideas, but it's always one at a time, in a string or back and forth. Each step is resolved by an individual, by one mind, and those people are not interchangeable at all.

     So I was thinking, if people really wanted to change the world, if they really wanted to make it a better place, they'd just back the fuck off. They'd stand back and let things develop on their own, instead of trying to control everything. They're more than happy to attack the face: feed the starving, clothe the poor, save the environment, save the animals, save the abortions, but hardly anyone is interested in the real issue. Almost none of them want to set the human mind free from other human minds, to let it fly and watch how far it will go. They can't just do their own thing – instead of joining a commune, the entire world's gotta be socialized, they can't just go to church, they've gotta go door to door and "spread the word". If that's what they want to do with themselves, fine, maybe they're happier that way. But why do I have anything to do with it? Why can't we just ignore each other and live our separate lives? Yeah, that's all I was thinking about.

Ms. Cantrell peers over the top of Liam's report. She places her pen absently against her lips as she watches him sitting silently at his desk, working on an assignment, unaware of her attention. She smiles a little, her mouth hidden behind his paper.

When the lunch bell rings and the students begin gathering their books she says, "Have a good day, kids. And Liam, could I see you for a moment?"

Liam smiles to himself as he puts his books away. He waits for the classroom to clear, then walks to her desk. He's impressed at how well she maintains a straight face, since he can't help grinning a little. He had known, since the first few days of class, that she liked him more than the other students, and he took every opportunity to exploit it. He also thinks, as he stands before her desk, of how surprisingly attractive she is.

"I just finished reading your report on Genghis Khan," she says, placing it on the desk between them. "I was wondering if you could point out to me any mention of Genghis Khan in it whatsoever."

"Right there," he says, pointing at the title and smiling. "Genghis Khan."

"I'm going to have to fail you, you know."

"Well, you see, the thing about that is," he says, sitting on the edge of her desk, "I don't think you do. Nobody's gonna read this except you and me, and you know I could write about Genghis Khan until my eyeballs fell out, if I wanted to. But I didn't want to; I wanted to write about this. Showing initiative, basically."

She leans back in her chair. "You know, this was supposed to be ten pages. Yours is only a page and a half."

"Okay, I'll give you that. I actually wrote the whole thing last night at 2am, so I didn't really have any time to be fancy."

She's quiet for a moment, then smiles. "Do you do this with all your teachers, or just me?"

"Everybody. I passed in a really good math assignment last week about how I could jump really far as a kid. I got an A." He grins. "Nah, it's just you. But only because you'll always let me get away with it."

"You're that sure, huh? Well, watch this." She takes her red pen and scribbles something on the paper, then hands it to him. "Only a C minus." She grins.

He laughs and reads her comment: "A little bit off topic."

"I might have given you a C, but it's hardly appropriate to use the word "fuck" in a school assignment."

He feels a touch of excitement at hearing her use that word, and hopes that it isn't outwardly visible. "Did I?" He looks the paper over. "Whoops."

The classroom's PA system suddenly springs to life, and a staticky voice asks, "Ms. Cantrell?"

"Yes?"

"Is there a Liam Scott there with you?"

"Yes, he's here."

"Could you please send him down to the office?"

"Certainly." She looks at Liam. "In trouble again?"

He considers for a moment. "I don't think so. I've been good lately."

"Well, you'd better get going. I'll see you tomorrow."

He smiles and nods to her as he leaves the classroom. "Later, Ms. C."

She sighs a little and looks over at the stack of reports on her desk, each one recounting in encyclopedic detail the life of a historical figure. She was going to spend the lunch period grading them, but instead she stands up; today, she's going to spend her break outside.


When Liam arrives at the office he finds Elizabeth sitting in one of the waiting room chairs, looking even worse than before. He feels suddenly worried.

"What's going on?" he asks.

"I have to go home..." Elizabeth mutters.

One of the school secretaries turns toward him. "This girl is seriously sick and we can't contact her mother. She said you knew the way to her house. Could you please walk her home? She collapsed in class today and I don't know if she could make it on her own."

"Should we call a doctor?"

"I don't think it's that serious, just a bad flu, but if she doesn't get better in a couple of days it might be a good idea. The school nurse seems to think she just needs some rest."

"Okay," he says, sitting down next to Elizabeth. "Thanks." The secretary returns to her work. "So, looks like you'll have to get some rest after all, huh?"

"Why don't you have a car?" she asks as she pulls herself slowly to her feet. "This is ridiculous. I'm sure I could get home by myself." She closes her eyes and puts a hand on her forehead.

"Hey," he says with a grin. "Want me to piggyback you?"

She opens one of her eyes slightly and says, "Shut up." She slowly ambles out of the school, and he goes with her.

They walk silently through the park, she coughing occasionally, until they're about halfway to her house. She stops and puts a hand in front of her mouth, then moves it to her forehead, then slowly sits down in the grass. He kneels beside her.

"Just give me a sec," she says, closing her eyes.

He watches her for a moment, then turns his back to her. "Climb up."

"What?"

He takes her arms and pulls them up around his neck. "It's carrying time."

"I'm not gonna..." she starts to say, but as he stands she tightens her grip on him and lifts her legs so he can hold her. "You're a little heavier than you look," he says as she lays her head against his shoulder. "Am not," she says, her eyes closed. She smiles as they move slowly forward.

They reach the edge of the park and he stops. "Which way is your house again?"

"Right," she says, eyes still closed. "Or we could just stop here and lay in the grass instead."

He decides to keep moving and starts down the street, beginning to remember his surroundings. He turns on to a couple of side streets and eventually stops in front of a house. "This is it, right?"

She peers lazily through one eye and says, "Yeah, this is it. The key's in my left pocket."

He laughs. "Don't you think it's about time you got down?"

"No."

"Put your leg around me, or I can't reach it." She pulls herself against him, freeing his arm, which he slides into her pocket. "Hey, careful there."

Smirking, he pulls out her keys. "Here, take these." He hands them up to her and puts his arm back around her leg, then walks them up to the door. She unlocks it, her other arm still holding on to him, then turns the knob and pushes the door open. They walk inside.

"Well, here we are," he says, stooping down to let her off.

"No, upstairs. I wanna go to bed."

He sighs a little as he stands back up, then starts slowly up the stairs. "You know, if I fall, you'll be hurt a lot worse than me."

"Then don't fall," she says, settling her head back against his shoulder.

He reaches her room and pushes the door open with his foot, then lets her slide off him onto her bed. He takes a moment to pull his shirt back into place, then turns toward her. "There. Do you want me to undress you too?"

"No, this is good." She kicks off her shoes and pulls her blankets over herself, still fully clothed. "Maybe an aspirin. They're in the medicine cabinet, down the hall."

He leaves, then comes back a minute later with two aspirin and a glass of water. She takes them and drinks the entire glass, wincing a little as she swallows.

"Thanks. I guess I probably should have stayed home today." She lays back and looks up at the ceiling. "My head hurts too much to fall asleep now."

"I could read you a story. What have we got here?" he says, walking to her small bookshelf. "The Psychology of Self-Esteem, The Art of Living Consciously... and what are these? Japanese comics?"

"Yeah. They're all drama, like relationship stories and stuff. You can't get comics like that here. They're great."

"You can read japanese?"

"No, I just follow the pictures. It's kinda neat; you can't really tell when it's time to turn the page, since you can't read the words. You can get really lost in them."

He turns around and finds her looking at him, but her arm is across her forehead and she doesn't look comfortable. "Do you want me to go, so you can get some rest?"

"No, not yet. Sit down for a sec."

He looks around. "There aren't any chairs."

"Yeah, I took it downstairs last week... just use the edge of the bed." He looks around once more to make sure there aren't any chairs, then sits at the end of the bed, by her feet. She says, "You know, I think I've been talking to people too much at school."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. People who aren't worth talking to, I mean. I started this little thing, where instead of being patronizing and just nodding, I decided to listen to them, to really listen, and it was craziness. Like staring into the abyss. They didn't even realize what I was giving to them, that I was paying attention, that this mind which has so much potential was listening to whatever they had to say... and they had nothing. Pointless observations, aimless complaints, just... nothing."

"Tell me about it," he replies, getting a little more comfortable. "Except that I never really listened to them a hell of a lot."

"I wonder what makes people like that? It always bugged me that I can't seem to affect them at all. Anything I try to tell them is temporary, at best. They don't seem like they could ever change." She looks at him, but he's still glancing idly around the room. "It's so much better when they're like me. It's almost automatic, that connection, and it's a good thing. But still..." She looks up at the ceiling. "I've heard all these ideas about how we were once all one entity, or how we're all one right now, or how one day, "we will all be one". I don't even know what they're talking about. I don't want to be one, I just want to be myself forever... you don't know the things I'd do to live longer, a lot longer, if there was just some way to do it. But I don't want community, I don't want togetherness, I just want me, alone in my head with my thoughts and my ideas. And that's what I've got, because that's what everybody's got. That's the way things really are. We're not together, we're not one, we're all individuals, and that's what we'll always be, no matter what. You can pretend to be a part of something "larger than yourself", but it's just pretend. At the end of the day, you're still alone. My thoughts are mine, my ideas are mine, and nobody can ever get in my head. And that's how I want it to be." She looks down and sees that he's watching her. He's leaning back, his arms on the other side of her legs. "Come over here," she says, motioning to her side.

He looks a little confused and moves gradually up the length of the bed.

"Lie down."

"What?"

"Lie down," she says, pulling him gently. She lays him down beside her, she below the covers and he above, and looks him in the eyes. "We're going to do a mind-meld," she says quietly as she takes his head in her hands. "People can try to come together," she whispers, "they can try to be one, but all they really become is the lowest common denominator. Or at the best, just more mediocre." She brings his head closer to hers and closes her eyes as their foreheads touch together. "There," she says. "Can you feel it?"

He smiles. "Nope."

"Good." She takes her hands away from him, but doesn't move away. They lie together, completely still; the only sound in the room is her breathing.

After a minute he says, "Elizabeth?" but gets no response. He backs away slowly and realizes that she's asleep. He looks down at her for a moment, then puts a hand on her forehead. It's hot. He runs his fingers lightly across the side of her face, then stands up and looks down at her sleeping body, smiling almost unconsciously. It's a distinct act of willpower for him to leave her room.

Downstairs he settles into the couch and turns on the tv. He keeps the volume low and flips idly through channels. He finally stops on an aquatic nature show, which he half watches as his mind drifts slowly, pondering things idly as his body relaxes. Eventually, he also falls asleep.

The sound of a telephone wakes him with a start. He peers around, trying to spot it as it rings again, on the table beside the couch. He hesitates for a moment before picking it up. "Hello, Patton residence."

There's a small pause on the other end, and a woman's voice says, "Who's this?"

"This is Liam, I'm a friend of Elizabeth's. I don't live here. What can I do for you?"

"Oh, Liam, yes, we met once. This is Angela." They're both silent for a moment. "Elizabeth's mother."

"Right! Hi! Would you like me to get her for you? I think she might still be asleep. They sent her home from school."

"I thought they might. If she's asleep don't bother her. It's not important." She pauses for a moment. "So, what exactly are you doing there?"

"What aren't I doing? I've become butler boy for the day." Angela laughs, and he smiles into the phone. Just then, Elizabeth's hoarse voice yells from upstairs, "Liaaam!"

Angela says, "I'd better let you go. It sounds like you're needed."

"Yeah. Talk to you later."

"Bye."

They hang up and he walks back upstairs, into Elizabeth's room. She's sitting up, coughing a little. "What is it?" he asks.

"I wasn't sure if you were still here."

"I was talking to your mother."

"Is she home?"

"No, she called."

"Oh. So, are you hungry at all?"

"A little, yeah."

"If you'd like anything to eat, don't hesitate. And if, uh, you wanted to make me something while you're at it, I wouldn't say no."

He smirks. "What do you want?"

"I don't know. Toast, or maybe soup. Sick food. Toast and soup."

"Coming right up." He glances to the side. "Want me to open the window?"

"Yeah, that'd be great."

He walks over and opens it, thinking of the last time he was here, watching her do this, and now she's watching him. He stands there for a moment, looking out. Today's a little different than that day – he hasn't been hit by that peculiar sense of unreality quite as hard as before. He turns to her and smiles, and she smiles back. He feels himself starting to slip, just sliding a little out of synch, but he catches himself. He likes the feel of this room, he doesn't want to leave it, but he makes himself walk out and go downstairs, then starts looking around the kitchen.

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