Elizabeth lays in bed, her eyes closed, smiling. Music plays from her stereo, filling the room. It's weird how musical tastes change when you get older. I never would have listened to anything this quiet when I was a kid. It's soft, but it has power; a different kind of power, a strength I wouldn't have been able to appreciate before... She gets out of bed and starts to dance around the room as she picks out some clothes to wear. This is going to be a good day. Nothing will bring me down today. She gets dressed and stands in front of her stereo, her eyes closed as she waits for the song to end. Once a song starts she has to let it finish. Music has to be shown a certain level of respect. As soon as it ends she turns off the power and goes downstairs, finding her mother at the kitchen table reading the paper over a cup of coffee. "Hi," Elizabeth says, kissing her on the cheek. "Morning," Angela answers, watching her daughter bounce over to the fridge. "There's some more coffee if you need it." "Bleah." Elizabeth takes a carton of orange juice from the fridge and drinks what's left, then goes to make some toast. "Hey," she asks, "can I borrow a few bucks?" "You mean can you have a few bucks?" "Yes." "You know," says Angela, "nothing's stopping you from getting a job." "Yeah, that's funny." "I'm serious." "And I'm seriously not gonna get one." Elizabeth puts her arms around her. "I only need ten bucks." "And what's this money for?" "There's a book I wanna buy, but I don't have enough." "Well," Angela says, rolling her eyes slightly, "at least you're not buying cigarettes. My purse is in the living room." "Thanks!" Elizabeth hugs her for a moment, then goes to get the purse. "You know," she says from the next room, "you should really get a wallet. Purses are dumb." "Uh huh," Angela says, taking a sip of coffee as she returns to her paper. Walking across the park on her way to the school, Elizabeth looks up into the sky and spins around a few times. It's a beautiful day. This is better than rain. This is the best. Steven stands under a tree and watches her walking toward the school. She's smiling, she seems happy... Does that mean it's a good idea to talk to her, or that she'll just get more angry if I do? He rubs his arm as his eyes follow her across the grass. She notices him and waves. "Hey, Steven," she calls, and continues walking. He watches her for another moment before walking after her. She's inside the school before he catches up to her. "I figured you'd show up," she says without turning around, but still sounds in a good mood. "Well, I've got two cats," he says, "and I was just thinking how the one who gets petted the most is the one who comes right over to me." That was weird; he hadn't planned on saying that. "Is that what you want?" she asks, stopping as she grins at him. "You want me to pet you?" He frowns a little and feels himself start to blush. "Tell you what," she says. "If Liam's not here I'll scratch your head for awhile. But if he is you scoot. Got it?" "Well... okay." He follows her down the hall as she pokes her head into her homeroom class. "Hm," she says, glancing around. "It actually looks like he's AWOL." She lingers for another moment, then turns to him. "Alright, kitty. Let's go play." "You're not gonna use cat analogies all morning, are you?" he asks as they walk down the hall. "No." She stops walking as she peers at him. "You're more of the dog type. Do you want a doggy treat?" She searches her pockets and raises an eyebrow. "Don't seem to have one... Here, you can fetch this." She takes a pen from her pocket and tosses it down the hallway, where it hits a row of lockers and slides across the floor. "Well," she says when he fails to move, pointing down the hallway with a smile. "Go get it." He squints at her. "I'm not gonna get your pen." Her face turns concerned as she looks him directly in the eyes. "But I really need it." He sighs, then starts to walk down the hall. She smiles and laughs as he reaches down to pick it up, then claps as he returns it to her. "Very good! Come over here." She pats him on the head and starts to scratch him under the jaw before he pulls away. "Jesus, will you stop that?" She watches him as he sulks. "If you don't like it maybe you should stop playing the role all the time." "I'm not playing a role! This is just who I am!" He seems genuinely angry, so she waits a moment before saying, "Liam wouldn't have gone to get the pen." "But I'm not Liam. You like being around him, you talk about him, you'd probably go pick up his pen if he threw it." She raises an eyebrow at this, but doesn't interrupt. "I have to go along with your little games or you'll get bored of me and tell me to get lost." "You've got that wrong," she says with a grin. "I play the games because I'm already bored of you." He turns away, and she laughs. "You're so emotional, Steven. It's not particularly becoming." "But that's just the thing, I don't know how else to act. Just tell me what you want and I'll do it." "...What I want?" "Yes! Just tell me how you want me to be! Just..." He drops his eyes and puts his hands in his pockets, resigned. She watches him, fascinated. God, just look at him. He's digging himself in deeper with every sentence but he hardly knows enough to stop. Amazing. She glances both ways down the hallway, then steps closer to him. He looks up in confusion as she slides her hands around his waist. She watches his eyes for a moment, then slowly, very gently kisses him on the lips. They hold it for a moment before she pulls back, her hands still around him. "Don't you see how wrong this is?" she whispers. "How this could never work?" Still completely shocked, he manages to mumble "...No." She grins and takes his arm. "Okay," she says, tugging him slightly. "C'mon." Liam arrives at school and goes to his homeroom class. He glances around before sitting at his desk; no Elizabeth. The bell rings and he goes to his first class. Elizabeth's desk, next to his, is still empty. Hm. This certainly does suck. "So what it is you don't like about yourself?" Elizabeth sits across from Steven at a work table in a seldom used hallway that runs behind the library. With classes started there's no one else around. "You know what you were saying about high school movies, about the different groups? Well somehow I ended up in the geek group. And that's my whole problem." "That's ridiculous," she says. "Those are just stereotypes from stupid movies." "No they're not. It's in the way I look, the way I dress, the way I walk, talk, I catch my reflection and I even see it in the way I stand..." "I'm pretty sure you can change how you dress. And probably the rest of that stuff too." "Maybe, to an extent, but if you go too far people see through it. You can only go so far up the social ladder without seeming like an imposter. But you can always go down. The only place different social types can genuinely get along with each other is in heaven." "Heathers!" She beams as he looks up at her. "That was a Heathers quote!" "Yeah, I rented it after you mentioned it last time. I got 10 Things I Hate About You too. You were right, it was kinda cool." "Wasn't it? I was sure I'd watch it again and not like it, but it's fucking great." "But those movies aren't a joke," he says. "That's how things really are. If you don't have the right look you can only go so far. I mean, take Liam; he looks great." She runs her tongue across her bottom lip and says, "He sure does..." "See, that's what I'm saying! No one would do that for me!" Scrutinizing him slightly, she says, "Are you insinuating that I only go out with Liam because he's cute?" "Well, I'm sure it helps." She glances out of one of the windows. "Well, yeah, somewhat..." "So what am I supposed to do?" he asks, looking back at her. "Get facial reconstructive surgery so I look like Heath Ledger?" "Would you?" She grins, but he remains silent. "Look," she says, "you think everybody doesn't think that sometimes? When I look at myself I sorta wish my nose was shaped different, or that my eyes were green, or a whole lot of other little things. But it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with how I look." "But it's different for you; you're beautiful." She moves her hand in the motion of a puppet talking as she glances away from him. "I'm being serious!" "Steven." She looks at him, smiling. "There's nothing wrong with how you look. What if no one ever told you you were a geek? What if you didn't even know the word? What if no one treated you like that? Would you still feel like one?" "...Well, no. Of course not." "Then it's not a part of you, it's not intrinsic. It's just a label someone else put on you. You can't just accept it. Forget those people. If you can tell yourself that what they say is not how you are, that's all that matters." "Yeah, that might work, until the next time someone pushes me in the hallway. It's pretty hard to keep up the charade after that." She feels a touch of annoyance starting to reach her, but holds her tongue. She leans back in her chair, glancing up at the ceiling, and starts to sing to herself. I'm ugly, with a capital U And I don't need a mirror to see that it's true 'Cause I'm ugly, with a capital U And I need nobody to tell me the truth... She's silent for a moment, then says, "That's one way you're different from Liam. For some reason I always feel embarrassed singing around him. But around you it doesn't matter what I do." "Is that really a positive thing? Maybe it's just more proof that I don't really matter." She shrugs and closes her eyes, waiting a moment while she concentrates on the feeling of the sun from the window falling across her face. "Okay," she says finally, leaning forward and looking straight at him. "So your self-esteem is tied in to other people. Ultimately I don't think it is, but I understand how it seems that way. Let me ask you something – who do you care more about? Me, or the other kids at this school?" He hesitates; it still seems odd to state these things so directly. "You." "So my opinion holds more weight than theirs?" He nods. "Good. Because I think you look great." She leans across the table and takes his head in her hands. "I think you're handsome. I think you're beautiful." She smiles, and the whole world stops for him. Everything disappears but her. He's totally transfixed, frozen; he knows she's just playing around again, but a sense of happiness fills him as he finds himself holding his breath. From her perspective the feeling is not at all the same, but she can see what's going on in him, and in a way it makes her glad. "How long has it been since someone's done this?" she asks. "How long since someone's really paid attention to you?" They're both quiet for a moment, watching each other, until she finally takes her hands away. "Just remember this," she says. "The next time someone gives you trouble or makes you feel bad, forget about them. Think of yourself. But if you can't do that, then think of me. I don't really like the idea of being used as a crutch, but if it'll help you then go ahead. And let me know who's giving you the trouble so the two of us can bitch-slap them." He watches her for a few seconds before saying, "But what if it's you that's making me feel bad?" She looks at him in disbelief. "You know, that is a powerfully uncool thing to say." She crosses her arms and adds, "If that's how thing end up then you'll just have to live with it." "But why do things go back and forth like this? Why do you like me today but not yesterday? Couldn't you just make a small effort not to randomly hate me half the time?" "For me it's no small effort. No offense," she says, leaning back again. "But today I'm at top capacity. Effortless effort. Don't take it for granted, because it could be gone tomorrow." "So I should just enjoy it while I can, then?" She smiles. "Yes. Mr. Hyde could be back at any moment." The bell rings and Liam heads to Elizabeth's locker; she's there, and he leans against the locker next to hers and asks, "Hey, where've you been?" "I was on Mars." He gives her an odd look, she she adds, "I was talking with Steven." In mock exasperation he says, "Why do you do this to me?" "You've got something against Mr. Parker?" "I don't even know the kid, but I hardly think he's worth leaving me sitting in class all by myself." "Aw, did Liam get lonely?" She puts a hand on his chest as she raises herself to kiss him. Steven watches them from down the hallway, not annoyed, but curious. After a moment he shakes it off and walks away in the opposite direction. "Do you feel like going to second period?" Elizabeth asks. Liam answers, "Not really." "Wanna get something to eat?" "Sure." "Okay." She gives him another quick kiss. "I've just gotta go to the bathroom." Jessica walks across the school parking lot, trying not to try too hard to look unsuspicious. She glances around to make sure the lot is empty, then sidles up beside Ms. Cantrell's car. She kneels down as she slides her bookbag off her shoulders, glancing up at the sky. You certainly are doing your job today, Mr. Sun she thinks with a grin as she opens her bookbag and takes out a plain plastic bag with something round and flat inside. Standing up, she removes the plastic to reveal another bag. The driver's side window of Ms. Cantrell's car is rolled slightly down, and Jessica very carefully opens the second bag and begins to slowly slide the mostly brown, hardened disk of Lindsey's frozen vomit through the opening in the window. It lands with a thud in the front seat, and she spends a moment surveying its sickly uneven surface with a grin, small pieces of ice already starting to fall from it. She balls up the plastic bags and looks around for a garbage can, spotting one on the other side of the parking lot. She picks up her bookbag and pauses for a moment, nodding to herself, feeling a distinct sense of pride in her work. Elizabeth steps out of the stall, buttoning her pants, then washes her hands as she gives herself a smile in a the mirror. She leaves the bathroom and is walking down the hallway when a voice calls "Elizabeth!" She turns to see Ms. Cantrell walking quickly toward her. "Hey Jen," she says. "How have you been?" Jennifer asks her with a smile. "Okay, I guess..." "Good! You're doing well in school?" "Not particularly." "That's great. You know, we haven't talked in awhile," Jennifer says. "Well, that's true. So... how are you doing?" "Oh, I'm good." They stand in silence for a moment, then Jennifer asks, "So, how's Liam?" Elizabeth grins. "Ah. I was wondering what you were getting at." Looking confused, Jennifer asks, "What do you mean?" "Liam's good," Elizabeth grins. "He's great. That's what you wanted to know, right?" "Well, it's just that... he never talks to me anymore." Jennifer takes a step closer and lowers her voice slightly. "He seems to think that it's not a good idea to hang around with me, because you'll be jealous. He said he doesn't want to cause a 'rift' between the two of you." "Well," Elizabeth says, looking Jennifer in the eye. "Maybe he's right." Jennifer stares at her for a moment before Elizabeth says, "So I'll talk to you later, Ms. Cantrell," then gives her a small nod and turns to continue walking down the hallway. Waiting for Elizabeth, Liam sees Evan coming down the hall. "Hey," Liam says, "I hear we're involved in some manner of outing tonight." Evan gives him an odd smile and says, "So you're coming?" "Yeah, I guess. I'd rather just hang with Elizabeth, frankly, but she wants to go so she can talk with Hillary or something. I'm hoping I can work it into some kinda threesome." Evan doesn't respond, so Liam says, "Hey, that was a joke. Don't worry, we'd include you too." Evan still doesn't reply, so Liam glances away and says, "So anyway, I'll see you tonight. Maybe we'll have a chance for some male bonding while they talk about shopping or whatever." "Yeah," says Evan, smiling. "See you then." "And what would you like on your sub?" "Just lettuce and pickles, please," Elizabeth says. "Mayo or mustard?" the boy behind the counter asks. "Have you ever tried the honey mustard? It's great." She smiles at him. "No, I haven't." "It's not as good as the kind we had before, but still really decent." "Maybe I'll try some next time," she says. The boy smiles at her for a moment, then turns silently to Liam. "Everything," Liam says, and the boy makes his sub with a blank face. "Are these together?" he asks Elizabeth. "Yeah. He's paying," she says, pointing a finger at Liam. Liam raises an eyebrow as he hands the kid some cash. The kid returns the change solemnly, then says "Have a nice day!" to Elizabeth with a smile. They sit down at a table to eat and Liam says, "Did you see that? I get no respect." "It's not that." She smiles to herself. "The boy obviously fancies me." Unwrapping his sandwich he says, "There's definite power to being a girl." "Yeah, but that kid obviously didn't like you because you're the one sitting here with me. So there's power to being a boy, too. Though only through the girl, of course." "Hatred and adoration at your fingertips," he says, taking a bite of his sandwich. "I'm surprised you don't abuse it more." "Like how?" "Well, like that kid. I'm sure you coulda gotten your sub for free. Besides having me pay for it, I mean." "I dunno," she says, glancing toward the counter, where the boy is sweeping. "They have inventory and accountability for stuff; maybe I don't want to find out how attracted he's not. I mean, what if he wouldn't do it? What if the price of a sandwich from his paycheck was more important than humoring me? Who knows, he might even get fired. I'd be kinda surprised if he did give me a sandwich, actually. And then if he did I'd feel kinda minorly indebted." She turns to Liam. "See, it's not half as fun as it sounds." He shrugs, concentrating mostly on keeping his sandwich in one piece. After they finish eating she says, "I've gotta swing by the bookstore." "Alright." They throw away their garbage and walk the block to the store. Walking down the aisles, running his hand across a row of books, Liam asks, "So what are you here to get?" "They've got a Nathaniel Branden book I don't have. He kinda says the same things a lot of the time, but they're good things. Important things," she says, jabbing a finger lightly at his chest, "which must be learned." "Okay," he answers, holding up his hands briefly in mock defense. "But maybe you should expand your horizons a little. Like... right here!" He dashes down the aisle and picks up a paperback. "Mick Foley's book! I used to have a copy of this." He starts flipping through the pages. "Mick Foley? Who the hell is that?" "He's a wrestler. Here, look; there's a picture of when he lost his ear." "Uh!" She draws back. "I don't want to see that!" "This guy is so great. Seriously, he's the definition of persistence. He worked his ass off to get as far as he got. People are definitely gonna remember him." Off her slightly skeptical look he adds, "Well, people who watch wrestling, anyway. Then there's Jackie Chan. Have you read his book? I wonder if it's around here? I'll buy you a fucking copy if it is." "What is this, Liam's book-club? This will be fine," she says, picking up her book. "You ready?" "Just a sec..." he says, browsing the autobiography section. "They might have it somewhere. I should never have sold all my books before I moved..." She watches him for a moment, then takes her book to the counter and smiles at the clerk, reaching into her pockets for some cash. Jennifer leaves the school for lunch hour, glad to escape for awhile. These fucking kids... I don't even know what the hell I'm doing here. Do I really want to spend the rest of my life in high school? Christ... She unlocks the door of her car and starts to sit down when something stops her. She freezes in mid sit, then stands back up and steps away from the car, looking down at her seat. A look of disgust spreads across her face and she cries, "What the fuck!", then slams her fist against the roof. She stops, composes herself, then runs her hand gently across the roof in apology. She carefully closes her car door, draws a deep breath, then clenches her jaw as she storms back toward the school. "So, you think we should head back to school?" Liam asks, sitting on a park bench. Elizabeth sits next to him, staring lazily at the sky. "I dunno," she says. "What time is it?" "Beats me." "Nah, fuck it. I don't wanna." "Good enough." He puts his hands behind his head and stretches his legs. They sit in silence for a couple of minutes before she says, "Good weather." "Yeah; that was the one nice thing about living further north, though – spring was really beautiful. The snow was melting, the air got warmer, it really did feel like being a part of some kind of rebirth. You got this really amazing feeling just walking down the street, knowing that winter was over. But sitting through months of cold really wasn't worth it." He breathes in deeply, then slaps his hands against his chest. "You know, I really think it's funny when anyone claims to do something in the name of the people. This is what the people want. 100 different chocolate bars, predictable radio, movies staring Julia Roberts, Blockbuster Entertainment... This is the stuff right here – the true demands of the people." "Well, here's hoping the dictators never figure it out, or they'll enslave us all. Barring the cynical notion that they already have, of course." "Right." They're quiet for a moment, and she says, "You know what I've been thinking of?" "Lay it on me." "I was thinking how religious fundamentalists don't bug me half as much as the casually religious. I mean, the fundamentalists are nice and crazy, so nobody takes them seriously. If it were just them the major religions would all fall to the wayside in no time, they'd be viewed as cults and no one would pay them any attention. But it's the mainsteam members who really perpetuate the system; they aren't particularly devoted to any of their religion's tenets, they just carry the name around. It's because of them that this stuff doesn't die." She shakes her head. "No, I don't want to talk about this." She closes her eyes. "I told myself this morning I wasn't gonna waste my time with this stuff..." He glances at her. "Hey, don't worry about it. You see bullshit and you neutralize it. I'd say it's a positive thing." "Maybe, sometimes. But I don't know when to stop. Even when I'm just talking to people, I hit the wall of basic civility and just smash right through. A part of me doesn't want to do it, but another part needs to do it, to give a hard smack to these people who are just too stupid to see things my way." She turns to him. "Doesn't that sound bad? I mean, isn't that something I shouldn't be feeling?" He doesn't answer, and she rests her head briefly against the back of the bench. Then she stands up, draws a deep breath and takes a few steps forward before cartwheeling carefully across the grass. She lands on her feet and stands for a moment, then sits down and lays slowly on her back, her eyes closed. He leans back against the bench, watching her from the corner of his eye. "Maybe you just need to relax." "That's what I'm trying to do." She pauses for a moment, then says, "Don't you find it difficult to be happy?" "It can be tough to get there, sure." "No, I mean just to be happy. People who are happy all the time, don't they seem stupid to you? You can't be happy about everything." She pauses for a moment, then says, "I can only be happy around certain people, around people who understand that not everything's alright, but that we can still be happy in the world the way it is. Like you and me, we do what we can to improve things, but we're still glad of how things are, we're still proud of the world we've got. Instead people seem to be happy by avoiding their situation, by not thinking about it, and eventually they get so good at it that they can act like they're happy all the time, this thin veil of phony happiness always covering them. The flakes of the world. And that's how a lot of people want me to act, so I feel like I can't be happy around them because they'll think that's all I'm doing, just pretending to be happy. I have to get away from them." "Yeah, there's a certain annoyingness to them, but they're not half as annoying as the people who complain all the time." She opens an eye to glance at him, and he says, "I wasn't talking about you, complainy. I mean people who complain about nothing, about little things no one could possibly care about, over and over all day. They're the ones I really wanna bitch-slap. People who act bitter and malicious about everything... I'll take the aimlessly bubbly any day." "Mmm." She spreads her arms to her side and mutters, "Yeah, fuck 'em all. Fuck the world..." He grins. Hillary sneaks up slowly behind Evan, who's leaning against the wall in a school hallway, staring out a window. She darts forward, saying "Hey!" as she tickles him. He jumps and spins around, startled. He looks like he's about to yell at her, but catches himself and quietly says, "Don't do that." She smiles at him. "Have you eaten? Come on, I'll buy you something," she says, taking his hand and leading him toward the cafeteria. "So you did it?" Lindsey asks, sitting next to Jessica at a cafeteria table. "Yup." Jessica smiles to herself, removing a little dirt from her fingernail and examining her hand. "It should be practically bubbling by now." "Man, that's just wrong. She loves the hell out of that car." "Are you saying I shouldn't have done it?" Jessica asks with a raised eyebrow. "No, I'm just saying it's wrong. She's gonna have a conniption." "She won't know it's me. She's got nothing. And if they do barf DNA testing they'll just get you anyway." Lindsey smiles, then turns at the sound of a voice saying, "Hey guys!" Hillary sits down across from them with a tray of food and Evan sits beside her, opening a pack of crackers. Jessica glances at him. "Not eating today, Evan?" "I'd prefer not to get fat," he replies, pointedly returning her gaze. "Okay, listen," Lindsey says, "We're not starting that again. We're just going to sit here and have a nice lunch." Hillary nods and eats a spoonful of soup as the others stay silent. "So how is the beautiful couple?" Jessica eventually asks. "Fantastic," says Evan, staring into the distance as he chews on a cracker. Jessica follows his eyes. "What are you looking at?" "A girl. See that one over there?" he asks, leaning an elbow against the table as he points. "The one with the blue sweater." "Yeah." "Doesn't that seem tragic to you? I mean really, there's nothing she can do about it. She's stuck with that forever." "What? What are you talking about?" "Her face," he says. "Jesus christ!" Jessica slams her hand on the table. "Can't you stop being an asshole for one minute? There's no call for that! Just leave her alone!" A sly grin touches his face as he says, "You're only angry because it's the truth. You prove me right every time." "Well..." She rests her hands deliberately on the table. "Maybe that's how most people treat things, but that's not how things have to be." She draws one hand into a fist. "You don't have to keep harping on about it all the time. You're going to be an old man just like everybody else someday, and then what will you have left?" "I'm pretty sure I won't be an old man," Lindsey says, and Hillary spits out some soup as she tries not to laugh. "Shut up," Jessica tells her, then turns back to Evan. "You expect me to justify myself?" he asks. "Fuck it, just let it go, Jess," Lindsey says. "It's his schtick. Some guys act all macho, some guys dress like they're from the forties, some guys comment endlessly on the hierarchy of beauty. It's obviously his only card, you may as well let him play it." Evan smiles at her. "Thank you." Furrowing her brow slightly, Jessica says to him, "Doesn't it bother you to be so transparent?" He smirks. "No. She may be right," he says, gesturing to Lindsey, "Maybe I've only got one layer, one card to play, but it's the strongest one. So I don't see any need to play anything else." He flashes them a quick smile, then points to Jessica's fries and asks, "Are you going to eat those?" "Knock yourself out," she says, nudging the tray toward him. "You know, I said I'd buy you lunch," Hillary tells him. "I wasn't hungry." He eats a few fries, then turns to Jessica. "So where's your boyfriend?" "Look, will you just not talk to me? Talk to one of them." She nods toward Lindsey and Hillary. "Yeah, talk to me," Hillary says. Evan rolls his eyes slightly and returns to the fries. "We need to talk, Jessica." They all look up to see Ms. Cantrell standing over them, barely containing her anger. Jessica reaches down to her pocket, then without looking up says, "I'm a little busy right now. Maybe later, Jennifer." "Listen, you little bitch..." Jennifer grabs Jessica by the collar and pulls her to her feet. She begins to drag her across the cafeteria and Jessica doesn't resist, following her across the room and down a hallway, out of sight. Most of the people in the cafeteria are watching them, and Lindsey and Hillary exchange shocked looks. Evan glances at them, then eats another fry.

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