"I can't get the top off this." Liam gives his orange juice bottle one last heroic twist, then slumps his shoulders.

"Here, you're doing it wrong." Elizabeth takes the bottle and grips it firmly, then slowly begins to turn. "You have to keep at it with moderate pressure, and it'll open." She stands still, straining against the bottle, and nothing happens.

"I don't think it's working," Liam says.

"Hold on. Give it time." She stands for another moment, starting to grimace slightly, until the cap slowly begins to turn, then twists off with a loud pop. "Jesus. But see, all you need are pressure and time." She takes a drink, then hands him the bottle. They continue walking down the street, and she turns to him. "Thank you."

He looks at her questioningly. "For what?"

"I felt myself... slipping today. I was starting to just feel bad about stuff, which leads to complaining about stuff, which leads to feeling miserable, and if I was by myself I know it would've gotten worse. Well, I wouldn't have started talking to myself, but... just take my word for it. You helped me out."

He smiles to himself as they walk down the street in silence. They pass a video store and she says, "Hey, let's stop in here."

"Something you want to see?" he asks, following her inside and nodding to the clerk.

"Nothing specific, just thought I'd see what they had since we're right here." She browses the shelves and asks, "Did you ever see The Beach?"

"The DiCaprio movie? Not likely."

"Yeah, that's what I thought too, but it's actually pretty good. It just got misrepresented by the ads and the Titanic association. It's by the same guys who did Trainspotting. That's reason enough to get it alone."

"Fight Club had that same problem," he says. "Bad ads. They had these fucked up trailers on the website where Edward Norton talked about how being god's worst enemy would be better than being nothing, and there were little cartoon sound effects and shit; if they'd put those on tv things would have turned out better. People might not have understood them, but at least they'd have a better idea of what the movie was actually about."

"Yeah, exactly. The ads only show a tiny piece of the picture, and usually the wrong piece. There's this one part in this where they leave the island to pick up supplies," she says, pointing at the box of The Beach, "And there are all these people everywhere, and it just creeps Leo out to be around them. They could have shown just that one scene and it'd make the perfect advertisement. You know, despite his sappy reputation, he's really a pretty good actor. Just a victim of insane super-stardom. And he doesn't look half bad without a shirt on, either. Did you ever see Titanic?" she asks, turning to Liam.

"Nah. I always sorta meant to, just 'cause Weird Al said it was his favorite movie that year, but I could never quite bring myself to."

"Me either."

"You wanna see Leo do some real kick ass acting," he says, moving down the aisle, "Get this. What's Eating Gilbert Grape. It's the first time I ever saw him, and he plays the best retarded kid you'll ever see. I was impressed." He browses over the back of the box and says, "I should really watch this again sometime, I remember really liking it. I'm not exactly sure why, most of the characters were pretty depressing, and the whole thing's set in this really brain-numbing little town, but it was just sorta cool how Gilbert put up with it all, just waiting for his chance to finally get the hell out of there. And you wanna talk good-looking, this is the peak of Johnny Depp hotness. Man did he look good." He puts the box back and glances around the store as Elizabeth raises an eyebrow at him. "Hey look," he says. "Porn."

"We're not getting porno."

"Yeah, I know. It's just kinda weird how we could rent a normal movie, or for 30 cents more we could get girls sucking cock. Doesn't that seem weird to you? I mean, shouldn't that be worth more than 30 cents?" She doesn't answer, and he says, "Ah, porno's boring anyway. No thought, no innovation. It's the laziest industry on earth, it only makes money 'cause people want it so bad. If I was in the biz I'd be the David Fincher of porno. Everything would be meticulously planned, miles of film, it would be... a masturbatory experience."

"Keep that dream alive, Liam." She looks over a few more movies then says, "I guess we can't really rent anything anyway, we're going out with Hillary tonight."

"How long's that going to take? We could probably watch a movie too."

"Maybe. I'd rather not have it in the back of my mind the whole time, though."

"Hey, that's the other thing with porno; it sucks so bad that you can just fast-forward through most of it and-"

"We're not getting porno."

"Okay, okay. Let's get out of here, then. I'm feeling cruelly tempted."

"Besides, you're not old enough to rent porno."

He shrugs. "Never stopped me before."

Her eyes narrow as his gaze wanders back toward the adult section, so she takes him by the arm and leads him from the store.


In the hallway Hillary stands in front of Evan, her hands held demurely in front of her skirt. "So why'd you pull me from class?"

"I wanted to talk to you."

She grins. "Did you miss me?"

Not even bothering to roll his eyes, he says, "Please."

She touches a finger to his chest and says, "Come on, you could have waited until after class, but you came to get me right away."

Shrugging, he says, "I just wanted to get out of class."

She slides her arms very slowly around him. "Evan, don't lie. I know you like me. You don't have to put up this big charade." He pulls away very slightly, but she keeps her arms around him, preventing him from escape. "I don't think you hate girls as much as you say. You have to like them at least a little..."

"And why is that?" he asks, looking away from her.

"Well, we're still people," she says quietly. "We have arms and legs and bodies that are mostly like yours... surely you must see girls who are more boy-like who you don't mind..."

"It takes more than that."

"Hm. Then close your eyes," she says. "Go on. Now imagine that I'm a boy. Imagine that I'm the most beautiful boy in the world." She kisses him gently on the lips, and his eyes remain closed. She moves her lips to his cheek, kissing him again, then moves to his ear and whispers, "Put your arms around me."

For a moment he doesn't respond, and she doesn't think he's going to move; finally she feels his hands on her waist and smiles. "There, see?" she says. "That isn't so bad, is it?"

"I don't know," he says, opening his eyes. "It's like hugging my grandmother."

She sighs, abruptly feeling much less attractive. She considers pulling away from him, but lingers for a moment. Her hand moves slowly down his body, resting between his legs...

He pushes her suddenly, with more force than he'd intended. She hits the wall hard and slides halfway to the floor, clutching her chest in surprise. Between the actual impact and the sudden shock the wind is knocked completely out of her, and it's a moment before she raises her head to him, her teeth clenched. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Wrong with me? What's wrong with you?" He tries to keep a straight face as he watches her angry expression, but can't help a small grin. After a few seconds it turns into a smile, and he turns away slightly as he starts to laugh.

She sits on the floor, looking up at him. He'd just pushed her into a wall and now he's laughing at her. What's wrong with him? And what's the matter with her that he hates her so much? She's nothing but nice to him, she's done nothing to deserve this...

He turns back and sees tears beginning to form in her eyes. "Oh, come on," he says, glancing away reproachfully. "No boy would ever do this."

"Is that what you want?" she asks, getting to her feet. "You want me to act like a boy?" She raises her fists and says, "Then c'mon. Put 'em up."

"You're being ridiculous," he says, avoiding eye contact until her fist connects with the side of his mouth. He stumbles back, his hand on his jaw. "What the hell are you-" and another blow hits him hard in the nose, sending him to the floor. "What the fuck?" he yells, holding his face.

"This is what you want, right? Some testosterone, you want me to be manly? Well how's this for manly?" She kicks him in the side as he holds up his arms in defense.

"What the hell are you doing?" he demands, fending her off. "Are you insane?"

A door opens down the hall and a teacher pokes his head out. "What's going on down there?" he calls.

"Shit..." Evan gets to his feet and takes Hillary by the arm, leading her away. She starts to resist until she catches a glimpse of his face, set into a hard frown, then follows him the rest of the way without argument.

Once they're outside he lets her go and stalks off into the woods. "Hey!" she says. "Where are you going?" She follows him down a small path and out into the park. He walks to the edge of a small pond and stops, turning on her. "What are you following me for? You just finished kicking me in the ribs a minute ago!"

"Because you pushed me into a wall!" She raises her hands and takes a deep breath, looking away from him. "You just don't have to be such an... asshole all the time!" She walks to the edge of the water, sitting down with her back to him.

He watches her critically for a moment, then goes to sit near her. They stare in silence out at the water, he probing the soreness of his nose.

"So what did you call me out here for anyway?" she asks.

He's silent for a few seconds before saying, "It doesn't matter."

She looks at him. "I think you could just be a little more... I don't know, tractable! Am I really so bad?"

"And let you slither all over me," he says matter-of-factly. "I can't see getting that lenient."

"But don't you see how fucking retarded that is? Look at me! I'm an attractive girl! I'm cute, I'm sexy, any other guy would gladly accept any advances I gave them."

"So go get 'em, cowboy. Or is this one of those only interested in the one guy who isn't interested in you things? Because that's fucking retarded, as you so eloquently put it."

She sighs. "I just think that if you gave me a chance you'd like me. You can't just reject someone because of their gender."

"Maybe I didn't." She turns to him, giving him her full attention. "Maybe I just don't like you in general."

"Jesus... you're so full of shit. You say you don't like me but you pull me out of class, you spend more time with me at school than anybody else. So what am I supposed to think? Is it so wrong that I like you? Does that really turn you off so much?"

"And why do you like me?" he asks. "Because of how I look?"

"Well, it certainly isn't 'cause of your cheery attitude."

"So you'd hang around with me even though you don't like me; just because of my looks. That's pathetic."

Her eyes widen. "What? How can you say that? Of all the fucking people..."

She frowns and turns away, and he smiles to himself. "You want me to be more like normal guys?" he asks. "You want me to be a little more standard?"

"It wouldn't hurt."

He touches his jaw, pushing on one of his teeth. It's not lose, but it's sore... "Well, let's get started then." He reaches quickly over and grabs her by the wrist, pushing her roughly to the ground with the same motion.

"Hey, what are you-" she says before he clamps a hand over her mouth. He twists her arm behind her back and reaches down to her breast as she tries to push him off with her other arm. He slides his hand under her skirt, hooking his thumb into the waistband of her panties. He starts to pull them down before she manages to get her legs underneath him, pushing him backward as hard as she can.

He hits the water of the pond with a loud splash and she cries, "What the fuck are you doing?" She holds a hand instinctively across her chest and adds, "What the fuck!?"

He laughs. "What, you didn't like it?" He keeps laughing as she searches for a rock to throw at him. "I'm just giving you what you wanted! Aids jokes and date-rape, that's what you asked for!"

He moves further out into the water as she starts to pelt him with the few rocks she manages to find. She watches him swimming away, backpedaling, looking up at the sky, ignoring her. "Fuck you!" she yells, then turns and storms off, back into the woods.


Jeff, Lenny and Carl stand on a street corner near the park, waiting.

"So how much did that stuff cost you?" Carl asks.

"Not too much," Jeff answers, peering into the paper bag he's holding. "I can cover it. You guys can pay next time."

They nod to themselves and stand silently for a moment. "Doesn't this seem weird?" Lenny asks. "I mean, if we're buying drugs for those girls, wouldn't that technically make them whores?"

"No man," Jeff says, "We're not buying them drugs in exchange for sex. We're just doing it to show our appreciation for the sex they give us. It's totally different. Besides, it's just weed; I don't think that even counts."

Lenny thinks. "Yeah, maybe... still, standing here with a bunch of weed so we can fuck some underage girls, that's got problems written all over it."

"Don't worry," Jeff answers, tapping his foot. "Everything'll be fine."

"Just think of it as pimp-training," Carl says. "Some day we can all move to New York and start ourselves a stable."

Lenny grins and says, "Yeah, proper." He continues smiling as Jeff's gaze moves slowly down the street, noticing a police car turning the corner.

"Holy shit!" he says, bolting. "It's the po'!"

Lenny and Carl freeze for a second, confused, then follow him. He runs around the corner and down the street, hiding between the concrete supports of a small overpass. Lenny and Carl arrive just behind him, stopping to catch their breath. "Jesus," Carl says. "What the fuck was that?"

"I dunno, I'm sorry, I... I just panicked. I mean, we've got a bag full of marijuana to give to a bunch of fourteen year olds here! Fuck... I'm sorry."

"We better wait for a few minutes before we go back to the meeting place – I don't think we looked suspicious before, but we sure as hell must now," Carl says.

Jeff grits his teeth angrily. "I know, damn, I'm just... nervous."

"I'll say," Lenny tells him. "You called the fucking police the po'". They look at each other for a moment, and the three of them start to chuckle.

"Alright fuck. Gotta be smooth." Jeff jumps up and down a few times. "Gotta be smooth for the ladies. Damn, make sure you guys don't tell anybody about this. Fuck."


Walking down the street, Liam and Elizabeth pass a line of kindergarten children being led by two women. The women hold a rope with several knots in it, and the children all hang on. They make their way toward the park as Liam and Elizabeth walk past, Liam smiling at them.

"The ants go marching one by one, hurrah..." Elizabeth sings lightly once the kids are a short distance away.

"Come on, give 'em a break. They're just kids."

She looks at him oddly for a moment, then smiles. "No, I didn't mean that! They just reminded me of that song. Geez," she says, elbowing him in the ribs. "Give me a little credit."

He smirks and says, "Sorry."

They walk quietly for a moment, and she asks, "Do you ever think about having kids?"

"Not ever."

"I do sometimes, but I really don't think I could pull it off. I just don't have that... maternal inclination. I mean, I'm sure I'd get by, but my daughter would probably hate me."

"And if you had a boy?"

"That might go better. I think I'd still fuck it up, but I could see some mutual respect coming out of it, at least. I'm not sure why, I just don't think I'd be same-gender compatible. Not like my mom."

"She was good?" he asks, glancing in her direction.

"Yeah, she was really good. She was strict about things that were important, but never about things that didn't matter. She never made me go to church, I was never a Girl Guide, after I got old enough she didn't even make me go to school. There was no power trip. On the other hand, she always gave me any money I needed and pretty much bought me whatever I wanted, so the idea of getting a job now is weird... money was just always there, I've never had to earn it. I really don't like the idea of having to work. In a way I just wanna live in my house forever. But that would be too easy, and I know she'd let me do it. So I've gotta force myself to get out of there."

"And you've got a career all picked out, of course."

"Hm, yeah. I dunno, I don't even think I should need to get a job. I know things, I've figured things out, I'm smarter than other people. That should be enough. The world should acknowledge my struggle and let me stop. I know that's ridiculous, but it's always kind of in the back of my head. Working for a living, struggling to keep everything in balance – that's for other people, not me. I really don't like the idea of having to face up to it. I can't get an office job, that would be awful, and I don't want to work for minimum wage, and I don't want to go to college. Hell, I just don't want to work. I wanna sit around and watch movies all day."

"Well, you better get your head on straight soon," he says, looking up at the sky. "The school year's half over."

"Yeah, I know how to tell time. I wish I had rich parents, like really rich, so I could just spend my twenties sitting by the pool on the yacht while servants brought me drinks. And most of my thirties too, what the hell. If I could do it without being a burden I probably would. It'd be nice to have the option, just in case I can't figure out what else to do with myself. As it is I'm sure mom's probably pretty tired of paying my way."

"I might be better off with my deadbeat parents; I can't wait to get out of there. The lull of staying at home isn't a problem."

"So what's up with your parents?" she asks. "You never told me why they're so terrible."

"Ah, they're really not so bad. They're just not good. My mother's a standard working mother, and dad's another absentee and a dickhead to boot. No great conflict, no horrific fights, just wholly unsatisfying. And the moving... man, the moving really drove me nuts."

"So you're all set to jump ship?"

"Pretty much. They're willing to pay for any school I can get in to, so that's a definite possibility. Jet halfway across the country and waste some of dad's money."

She furrows her brow. "You're thinking of moving?"

"Maybe. I mean, it couldn't hurt. You could come with me, it's not like you've got any real reason to hang around here. Good way to make yourself break that parental bond."

"Yeah, maybe... I don't know, I never really thought about leaving before." She looks slowly around. "I've lived here all my life." She takes his hand. "You don't really have to flee the state, you know. You could always come live with me."

"What, the two of us with your mom?"

"Yeah, sure, why not? We could just stay in my room all day, or go downstairs and watch tv. I'm sure mom never really wanted to retire anyway, we'd spend her money in style."

"I'll keep it in mind, but I like my idea better."


Jennifer drives slowly down the street. Her hands are gripped tightly on the wheel, and she still feels vaguely uncomfortable about sitting in this seat. She'd been very careful about cleaning it off, but it had still been covered in puke. She'll have to clean it extremely well when she gets home. And wash these clothes.

She sighs very slowly. She shouldn't have gotten that upset, she should have kept her cool... there was no way that bitch Jessica was going to let this slide, she was going to go mouth off to someone in administration. Fuck... and leaving to go home sick halfway through the day probably wasn't such a good idea either, but she'd managed to find someone to cover for her. Closing her eyes for a moment, she thinks; she'll have to stop bringing the car to school, or to park it somewhere else. Things are getting out of hand, they're not quite in control...

She opens her eyes and sees Liam and Elizabeth walking down the street in the distance. Somehow she can immediately tell that it's them, and as she gets closer she sees that Elizabeth is holding his hand. She toys with the idea of turning the wheel slightly, swerving just enough to clip her – she could hit Elizabeth, probably break her pelvis, and leave Liam completely unharmed. She smiles to herself, then presses gently down on the accelerator and speeds by.


"So, this is the place," Liam says, staring up at the second floor of his house. "It's weird to think of this as my house. It's getting a little more comfortable, but new houses are always vaguely creepy."

Elizabeth stares up at the house with him for a moment, then says, "Well, let's go." She starts toward the front door, and he stares at the house a moment longer before following her.

As they step inside Liam's mother looks up from a bureau covered with envelopes. Her eyes rest curiously on Elizabeth, seemingly paying little attention to her son.

"So," Liam says. "Aren't you going to ask me why I'm not at school?"

She stands up straight and smiles at him. "Aren't you going to ask me why I'm not at work?"

"Slacker-Mom, I'd like you meet Elizabeth. Elizabeth, this is my mom."

"I'm sure he must talk about me all the time," Elizabeth says, looking away with a grin.

Liam's mother furrows her brow. "No, not really..." Liam frowns at her, so she adds, "Well, once or twice."

"So dad's not home?" Liam asks.

"Of course not, and I'm leaving to go back to the office in a minute."

"Shame. Well, let's hit the kitchen," Liam says, walking out of the room.

"Pleasure meeting you," Elizabeth says, shaking Liam's mother's hand. She then follows him into the kitchen as his mother turns back to the envelopes.

"I'm off. See you kids later," she calls on her way out the front door.

"Bye," Liam calls after her, rummaging through a cabinet.

Elizabeth sits on a stool next to the counter in the middle of the room. "She seems pretty nice."

"Yeah, she's alright. So what sounds good? Chocolate chip cookies and ketchup chips? That's what I'm gonna have."

"Uh, no, I'm really not that hungry. Just some orange juice or something."

He goes to the fridge and pours her a glass, then sets it on the counter. She takes a sip as she glances around. "Pretty swank house you got here."

"Mm. You wanna know the weirdest thing? My parents' bathroom has heated floors."

"What do you mean?"

"The bathroom tiles, they're always warm. I'm not sure how it works exactly, but I think it's basically why they bought the house."

"No way. That's bullshit."

"I'm serious. Come on, I'll show you," he says, taking a few cookies.

"Okay." She leaves her drink and follows him upstairs. He leads her through his parents bedroom and while chewing on a cookie says, "Take off your shoes. Your socks too."

She does, then steps slowly through the doorway and onto the white tile floor. "Hey, you're right." She walks around for a moment, smiling. "That's fucked up."

"Amazing what people'll do not to have cold feet when they get out of the shower."

"This is really neat. I wish my bathroom was like this." She slides around for another few seconds, then asks, "So where's your room?"

He smirks a little to himself. "It's really not much to see."

"Show me anyway." She slips her socks and shoes back on and he takes her down the hallway, opening the door to a bare room, furnished with nothing but a bed and a cd player. There's nothing on the walls, not even a carpet on the floor. She's steps hesitantly inside, then looks around. "Wow. Spartan."

"Yeah, I'm not big on acquiring things. I don't actually spend too much time in here – I usually crash on the couch downstairs."

She sits down on his bed and continues looking at the bare walls. "I'm sure there must be some symbolism here. It's way too deliberately empty."

He shrugs, leaning against the doorway. "You know what you were saying about wanting to live on a yacht, parents with tons of money?"

"Right."

"I think it'd be way better to have a girlfriend who was rich. Or boyfriend in your case. Going out with a movie star, somebody famous. That'd be great. I always thought it'd be nice to have a house out in the woods somewhere, hidden, nobody around for miles. A modern house, but out in the middle of nowhere.

"And the other thing that'd be cool about that is that celebrity's can have anybody – one of the things I always liked about the idea of having a movie star girlfriend is that you'd never have to wonder if they just settled on you because they didn't think they could get who they really wanted. That's one of the things I like about you," he says. "You reject the hell out of everyone else."

She smiles. "Keep going..."

He thinks for a moment. "That's pretty much all I like about you."

Her smile drops to a smirk as she stands up and walks to the window. "You should really let some air in here," she says, lifting it open.

He looks at the room with minor disdain. "Now that you've seen the house, let's get out of here."

"Okay. Where to?"

"I don't know." He glances around one last time and says, "Let's go to your house."

She grins. "Sure."


"Imagine fires, and gunfire everywhere, explosives going off, smoke in the air, the city leveled, chaos and destruction everywhere. You're covered in blood, you're breathing soot and ash, corpses covering the landscape – it's insanity. But now imagine that it's because you were in a war against the religious, a totally unhinged battle to just fucking destroy them all at any cost. It would still be crazy, but somehow when I think of it I can imagine myself on the battle field, smiling. Like the carnage was somehow justified, like nothing could be too much to get rid of them, that they had to be eradicated. Hot wind of your face, screaming, death... it's almost comforting, sometimes."

Evan and Hillary glance at one another, distinctly uncomfortable. Liam looks away, mildly embarrassed. Elizabeth goes from her speech straight into finishing the last of her meal, failing to acknowledge that she's said anything unusual. The four of them sit at a table on the second floor of a fairly high class restaurant, dimly lit, with soft music playing.

"Well, I guess it's okay to fantasize..." Hillary says. "As long as... fantasy and reality don't intersect..."

Liam coughs quietly. "Excuse me," he says. "I've gotta go to the bathroom."

He begins to walk away as Evan leans forward and says "Me too", then follows him.

Evan walks into the restroom a moment after Liam, joining him at a neighboring urinal. After a moment Evan asks, "Does she do that often?"

Liam raises his eyebrows briefly. "You'd be surprised."

"That must be fun."

Liam smiles to himself. "Sometimes."


At the table, Hillary produces a pack of cigarettes. "I gotta go outside for a sec," she says, standing up. "Wanna come?"

Elizabeth, a little surprised, says, "Okay."

They walk across the room and onto a balcony, Hillary leaning against the railing as she looks out at the city. She draws from her cigarette and exhales slowly, the tip glowing brightly in the darkness.

Hesitating slightly, Elizabeth asks, "So you smoke?"

She glances down at her cigarette, then smirks. "Yeah."

"When did that start?"

"About a year ago."

"Why?"

Hillary turns around, her back against the railing. "Please, don't give me any of that anti-smoking crap. I get enough of it from everybody else."

Elizabeth frowns, but stays quiet, letting a small touch of annoyance pass. "It just seems weird – I mean, how is it that I didn't know that? I can't believe how far we've drifted apart."

Shrugging her shoulders, Hillary says, "I've been around. Me, Lindsey, Jessica... we've been here."

"Yeah, I know. I didn't mean to disappear."

Hillary smiles. "It's alright. I mean, it's not like you were miles away. I'm sure we could have made the effort." She pauses. "But for awhile you were getting kinda weird, you know? We'd say things and you wouldn't answer, you were really distant..." She laughs a little. "It was a pain in the ass, frankly."

"I didn't mean to draw away so much. I was just... going through some things."

Hillary nods. "Midlife crisis doesn't have to wait until you're forty." She takes another drag from her cigarette. "One guy I know told me he was glad his crisis hit when he was 12, but I think he'll be lucky if he only has one."

"Yeah, that's definitely true. The worst part are the jumps, happy one day, angry the next... Well, I guess that's not really true; it would be worse to be angry all the time." Elizabeth sighs. "So I guess I should be glad of the times when I feel okay."

"Maybe you just need a change. Once you get out of school I'm sure it'll be different. You can go wherever you want. Adventure a little."

"But what can I do?" Elizabeth asks with a shrug. "Go move somewhere different? Backpack across Europe? It's what everybody does, before they eventually settle down and live their standard lives. None of them ever really seem to go anywhere."

"Yeah." Hillary turns to look back out at the city, then says, "Hey, what do you say we just throw ourselves into the abyss right now and get it over with?"

Elizabeth smirks, then turns to look at the city with her.


Returning from the bathroom, Liam and Evan find their table empty. "That's weird," Liam says. "Where they go off to?"

"Dunno."

They sit down and Liam picks absently at the bit of food that's left. "Pretty nice restaurant," he says.

"Yeah, Hillary picked it."

"Good food."

They glances around for another minute, but the girls still don't return. Finally Evan says, "I don't know if they're showing up. Maybe they went for a walk."

"Maybe... Elizabeth was talking about doing some catching up with Hillary."

"Why don't I pay for this so we can get out of here? Me and Hillary have a spot to meet at if we get separated, so we can meet up with them later."

"Yeah, I guess." Liam reaches for his wallet. "How much do I-"

"Don't worry," Evan answers. "I've got it."


"So what are Jess and Linds up to these days?"

Hillary whistles slowly. "You know that teacher Ms. Cantrell?"

"So well."

"Well... let's just say she's not gonna be around very long."

Elizabeth raises an eyebrow. "What? Why?"

"I dunno, Jessica doesn't get along with her and somehow it exploded into this whole giant battle. They've been working on it in one capacity or another for a couple of months. I don't know if it'll really work, but they seem to think they've got enough evidence against her that she they can get her fired."

"Evidence of what?"

"Just her negligence as a teacher. It'll definitely get her in trouble, at the least. They didn't ask you to sign the petition?"

"There's a petition? And Lindsey's a part of this?"

"Yup. Though Jess is the one really keeping things going. She's got a million reasons why she doesn't like Cantrell, but I think it really came down to her alluding that she could steal Jessica's boyfriend."

"Only alluding? Lucky for her."

Hillary looks a little surprised. "Those rumors about Liam and Cantrell... they were true?"

"No, no... but they could have been, definitely. If Liam had wanted it, she would have let him. It just started out as a joke, but once I realized how willing she would have been to spread her legs for him I took a distinct disliking to her. But Liam came through," she says, smiling. "He told her himself to back off. I was really proud of that."

"Yeah?"

"Definitely. I mean, let's face it; Cantrell is a hot slut."

Hillary starts to laugh, and Elizabeth's smile widens before breaking into a laugh herself.


Outside Liam and Evan walk slowly down the street. "So where's the meeting place?" Liam asks.

"Just a couple blocks from here. I think splitting up was actually in Hillary's plan all along."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, you know... girls. Who can fathom why they do stuff." They walk in silence for a moment before Evan asks, "So I heard that you just moved here this year?"

"Right. So we're both more or less new to this city, huh?"

Evan nods. "It's my first move, actually."

"Must be kinda rough, leaving everybody you knew. I moved all the time, so I never got too attached to people."

"That right?"

"No, it's a total lie, actually," Liam laughs. "It sucked every time. How about you?"

"It really wasn't bad for me," Evan says. "I wasn't leaving anybody I'd miss. In fact, I'm kind of glad I left; I used to live in this really small town, and it was getting awkward. Everybody knew everyone else a little too well. You get this really uneasy sense of community with these people you don't necessarily even like, just because they happen to live close to you. And people didn't seem to mind it, they got comfortable with it. No matter how long ago something happened, people would never forget it, even if they didn't mention it. It was like the whole town had a disturbing kind of collective memory. So really, I'm glad I left."

TIME TO COP OUT:

Okay, here's the dealio – I've been setting up this dinner date for ages now, and I wanted it to be really cool. However, no matter how casually I sat around trying to come up with ideas, ideas were not forthcoming. That's why you'll notice that Smile Part 25 is by far the longest continuous storyline day in the history of serial fiction, mostly in a vain attempt to avoid this week's part for as long as possible.

As well, I've just been given the opportunity to move to Ottawa, and it's closed my brain like a trap, to say the least. Creativity is not flowing, and in fact may be reversing. It'll be a huge move, and I keep alternating between thinking "Cool, I'm moving to Ottawa!" and "Holy shit! I can't move to fucking Ottawa!"

It's still not conclusively determined that I'm going, but in the likely event that I do I want to get the story to a certain point before leaving, as I'll be without internet access for an indeterminate amount of time. So by the end of May I've gotta bring this story to a good rest point, and that means no more beating my head against the wall about this double-date chapter. I'm just gonna move on and finish it later. How professional of me, huh? But basically Hillary and Elizabeth, Liam and Evan were just gonna talk to each other a bunch, so it's not like you're missing much. I'll fill it out later.

My advice to anyone writing a serial: No blatant foreshadowing. Don't mention anything that's "going to happen for sure"; it's a big pain in the ass, 'cause someday you've gotta actually do it. Learn from my mistake, kids.

So next week we'll jump straight to the day after this particular evening. My friend Chris actually said that I shouldn't have the date happen at all and just have the characters talk about what happened the next day, which woulda been a good idea, but it's a little late for that. A failure all around, and basically, I apologize. But hey, I'm not getting paid for this, so fuck you! ^_^

Keith "Ach, I'm bad at this" McNally


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