Welcome to the 28 Dec - 11 Feb archive of Stream - you can click the planet to the left to get back to Jimbo's World if you're lost.

   STREAM OF urine
   This is the part of the site where I don't have to screw about with formatting, or layouts, or anything else.  I just bang on the keyboard like a diseased monkey, and *poof* - instant content!  Guess what part of the site's most likely to get updated on a regular basis?  Right.   
11 February 2000
17:48 Ohmyfuckingghod... not just an update... the update!
I guess it's about time I make some time to give you guys the update I've been promising you for a month now, huh?

There are a few reasons it's taken me so long to get around to this.  First and foremost is the simple fact that, I don't seem to have any fucking time anymore.  Seriously.  Just ask Kelly - she's one of my bestest friends in the whole fuckin' world, and even she has hardly heard from me at all in the past month.  (I'm sorry, Kell, and I still lubv you.)  This is about 10% due to the fact that I seem to have acquired a social life somewhat in spite of myself, and about 90% due to the fact that I need a snow shovel just to get out of my office at night... I'm tellin' ya, man, if work doesn't start to ease the fuck up off of me soon, I'm going postal on somebody's ass.

But that doesn't really explain why I started not updating... just why it took me so long to get around to finally talking about it at all.  To make a long story (temporarily) short, updating wasn't any fun anymore.  In fact, it was getting to be something I really fucking hated.  But you all know I'm more than a little long-winded, so let's lengthen that short story a bit lot:

I didn't really figure out why I hated working on my page until, by chance, I wound up talking to Delusion - formerly Comrade Delusion, of the late r33t.org - after the recent DoS attacks that forced r33t to find a new server.  I never knew this - and, most likely, you didn't either - but Delusion had actually left r33t quite a while prior to that.  Why?  The scat porn and racism just got to be too much.  In his words:

As far as the leaving of the ship, that had more than anything to do with the fact that I was no longer happy enough with what was there to actually tell my friends about it.

That got me thinking.

I never did get to the point where I didn't want friends to know about my page.  I took - and take - a lot of pride in it, and there's still nothing here that I wouldn't want anyone to know about... well, nothing aside from my dismal failure to update the motherfucker of late, anyway.  But there has been a shock pr0n battle going on for the last few months.  r33t and Stile and I were all finding one repulsive thing after another... and you know, I've always looked for shocking stuff, because I like to be shocked - but I never dug as hard for skank as I did for a few months there.  And I found out something:

The online world is a lot more, well, sordid than it used to be.

It used to be damned near impossible to find anything that could actually disgust me... I've got a pretty damn broad tolerance.   Plenty of stuff I would never ever want to do or be involved in, sure, but actual physical disgust?  Nah.  The (very!) rare case where I did find something that actually disgusted me was even good, because that automatically made it shocking - and I like to be shocked.  But these days, it ain't like that anymore... there's plenty of really and truly repulsive stuff out there, in as much quantity as you'd like.

I should fucking well know, because my hard drive was slowly turning into a cesspool.

Which leads me back to my original point... while I never got to where I didn't want friends to know about Jimbo's World, I very definitely did get to the point where I was ashamed of my own hard drive.  In the frantic battle to find more and more shocking stuff - with the bar on "shocking" raised to maximum, thanks to all the Nipponese shit porn and puke porn - I was spending hours choking more and more scat through a pitiful dial-up connection every night.  Suddenly, all too many hours of my day were taken up by painfully downloading megabytes and megabytes of nasty shit that wasn't even shocking any more - looking at all of it - and then trying to figure out some way that I could fit it into the page.  You often don't find a use for something immediately when you download it, but you might want it later... so of course even if you can't find a way to use it right then, you save it.

And suddenly, my hard drive had so much footage of people rubbing shit on each other, puking in each other's mouths, and more... I realized that not only did I hate what I was doing, but that if a friend - even a close friend who understood my love of being shocked - were to sit at my computer and wade through all the crap in my download directories... they'd probably think I was into that shit.   I mean, sure, ep-sample is shocking as hell.  The first couple of puke pr0n avi's are shocking, too.

But when you've got an hour or so of that kind of footage saved on your own hard drive, how can you pretend that it's still shocking?

Well, now we've established that I couldn't stand what I was doing with the page.  But... even though I wrote this page for a long time before I started posting shock pr0n, somehow, I could barely even remember what the hell I used to post before I started with the pr0n.  What the hell happened?

Originally, this page was all about a certain style.   The name "Jimbo's World" was there for a reason... whether it was on the news page, or in the Ask Professor Stoner column, the real raison d'etre of this whole motherfucker was to, with every post, display a little piece of the world as seen through my eyes... not just to "find neet stuff and post it", but to create a cohesive overall melange with a certain sense of unity - fractured unity, maybe, but unity nonetheless.  I don't think I ever really lost that style... but it definitely did start becoming something I "had to do" to fit the shocking stuff in, rather than the reason I did the page to start with.

A couple of months ago, I reposted the infamous ep-sample.avi because people kept asking me about it... and within a day or two, r33t and Stile had both posted/reposted it too, and started looking for more footage of disgusting Nipponese types.  Maybe I've got delusions of grandeur, but it always seemed to me like I touched off a fucking three-way scat war between r33t and Stile and myself.  No big deal for Stile, really... he's always focussed pretty much exclusively on nastified shit.

But it wasn't very good for me, and it was - eventually - fucking awful for r33t.  Because the same thing happened to them that had happened to me - they lost their original focus.   When I first found r33t.org, I fell in love with the style there.  The themes - slug, monkey, and finally the infamous USSR theme - were just incredible, and there was a sort of bizarrely aloof surrealism to the posts that just kept me captivated.   Now don't get me wrong... my personal tastes are a piss-poor indicator of what will keep the unwashed masses flocking to a site, and it's quite obvious that r33t's traffic never really skyrocketed until after it got to the point where it seemed as though someone was shitting or puking in someone else's mouth in every other post.

But if the authors can't stand the work anymore, does it really matter if there are thousands of enthralled readers?  Yet again, Delusion himself expresses this one very well:

...if, at the end of the day, you'd be ashamed to wear a t-shirt with your site's URL on it in mixed company, who's left to cheer you on?  A bunch of people who get their kicks off of STD pictures, rape video, and beastiality pics?  Not to wax too nostalgic, but I dare say many of the 4,000-per-day readers who graced r33t.org in the weeks before they (temporarily) went down were probably disappointed, bored with, and failed to "get" much of the older written material:  when your audience expects shock tactics, subtlety is the last thing they're interested in.

By now, I guess most of you are thinking "OK, OK, OK... I get it, already.  But now what?"  Well, "now what" for me is that I quit spending several hours a night looking for incredibly shocking stuff.   Oh, don't get me wrong - if something shocks me and makes me laugh, it's fucking well going to find it's way on here... but the odds of me finding something that Stile or the Penismightier boys haven't already found are going to be rather low, if I'm not scouring the newsgroups (and weeding through all the sordid-and-repulsive-but-no-longer-really-shocking filth that they have to offer) on a daily basis.

That also means that the odds of me updating daily or several-times-daily on a regular basis anymore are probably pretty damned slim.   Unfortunately, it takes a hell of a lot more time to find - or make - something worthwhile than it does to just resort to downloading everything on alt.binaries.pr0n.disgusting and then post whatever little gem brought the biggest chunks of bile out of the back of your throat.

But that's just the way it is, folks... I came really close to just closing the fucking doors on this site forever, and if I couldn't do something different, I still would.    To be perfectly honest with you, I probably would have shut it down sometime in mid-January, if it wasn't for the fact that looking at my own layout gives me w00d. =)

Anyway, thanks for stickin' with me this long... I love you guys.


24 January 2000
19:03 Not really an update
Sorry for all the lack of updating.  It's to the point where I can't even credibly get all angsty and act like my in-your-face-ness-about-not-updating constitutes a sort of faux update in itself... I have some stuff I need to explain to you guys, and I just haven't been able to make myself sit down and do it.  To make a long story (temporarily) short... my content is going to undergo a definite change, and I almost certainly won't be updating daily like I was for a few months there anymore.  I will explain more completely soon... and I'm sorry I've kept you waiting for so long.

It'll all make more sense once I finally get around to "posting for real" again, I promise.

Anyway, did you know tomorrow's my birthday?  Yup.   Yours truly will be 28... eek. =\

Oh yeah, and the linkbar is all updatified... and you'll notice that now I've finally given you the credit you so desperately longed for, Mr. Joshua. wink.gif (135 bytes)


16 January 2000
22:56 Relocations and restorations
   Woop!  Woop! R33T.ORG IS BACK, BAYBEE!   Hells yeah!  Unfortunately, there's nothing new there yet, but at least it's back.  All except the Phorum, which is temporarily unavailable.

And in completely unrelated news, Is This Thing On? (formerly known as The Caffeine Homepage) has moved away from its old tripod.com location to the new, and hopefully improved, www.jen.writingz.com.   Now, I'm not too sure wtf www.writingz.com is supposed to be... is that Jen's new creation?  Was she sponsored by someone or something still getting its act together?  And why is all of this speculation about Jen posted next to a picture of satan-worshipping r33tness?

Answers to none of these questions are to be posted later.

Oh yeah, and in further unrelated news, I added the 5 Unruly Janitors to the E/N section of the linkbar.  I mean hey, a bunch of guys with names like Optimus Prime and ED209 and theAnVil can't be all bad, right?  Right?   


20:28 Six minutes Doug E Fresh, yer on
I know, I know, I haven't updated in... well... four days.  But man, you just don't fucking know how sick I've been... oh well.  Only two things brought me back from Death's Door: concerned fan-mail, and the Stiley One himself linking me.   Woohoo!  (There may or may not be a third reason for my inspiration to recover my health... but if I told you, I'd have to shoot you.)


I am so fucking tired of spammers
spamdog.gif (26797 bytes)    I have gotten the same goddamned spam from the same motherfucker nine times today.   NINE!  And you know what almost makes it worse?   The site that the little bastard is spamvertising is dead.  Dead!   So even if, for some godforsaken reason I wanted to spend a bunch of my money learning this loser's purported secrets on "how to make millions from the casinos", his spam would be doing him no good.

So why the fuck is he doing it?  Just to irritate me?

Just to add insult to injury, HostPro (his web host), which has recently been bought out by Micron, informed me (when I phoned them long-distance today) that Micron is spammer-friendly, therefore no action could be taken against any spammers hosted by them as of the merger.  So here's a rousing big FUCK YOU to Micron PC, incorporated.  And to think I used to recommend those motherfuckers to people... ::snort::


I certainly hope Granny never sees this...
   Boy, now this is something I never thought I'd see on the web... mouseover here if you want to see the pattern on my grandmother's curtains, and here if you don't wanna see 'em anymore.

No, I'm not kidding.

And no, as far as I know, that's not Granny. wink.gif (135 bytes)


12 January 2000
22:26 I think I gots da Ebonic Plague, yo
Aaaargh... I'm incredibly ill right now.  I hope that "Cold-Eeze" shit with the zinc really does work, because this sucks.

yoda-doobie.jpg (20931 bytes)

My eyes are as fucking glazed over as yon Jedi sensei... and I ain't feelin' the Force or the Herb.  Suck. frown.gif (94 bytes)  Anyway.   Thanks to Josh (of FATM fame) for sending me the pic... and when the hell are you going to unveil your surprise, man?   Go 'head, you can tell your homey Jimbo.  Us psycho Jedi stoners gotta stick together, man.  WeRD. wink.gif (135 bytes)

Btw, PeeT and I saw Next Friday tonight... pretty cool, certainly worth the price of admission, but damn was it ever in need of some Chris Tucker (aka Smokey) goodness to make it complete.  On the other hand, it did have some serious caliente pie action going on that the first movie didn't.  Ay mami!  I'm pretty fond of caliente pie. wink.gif (135 bytes)

Please chalk up any excessive smiley usage to fever, it's not my fault.  Yes, I have a fever, yes, my eyes are glazed, yes, my fucking hair hurts.  I'm going to go collapse now... so go away before I cough on you.


10 January 2000
18:39 Reciprocity
I don't understand women, and they don't understand me.

Seems fair enough, doesn't it?


18:03 DiCaprio / Bukkake / Loathing for Humanity

Not Milk?
Not milk?
(this image shamelessly ganked
from spooky@badassmofo.com)

I know, I know, I haven't updated in forever.   I suck.  I've just been kinda, well, busy, and involved and shit, and hating most of the human race with a renewed passion and intensity, and, well, you don't really want to hear all that anyway, do you?  No, I didn't think you did.  Well, to be honest, I don't have much of an update for you now, either... but I will show you an entertaining pic: it appears that Leonardo DiCaprio secretly indulges in bukkake festivals... and here's the shocking proof.

Oh, by the way, word on the street is that r33t will be back soon... thank god.  What would I do without a reliable Russian Communist source for Nipponese scat/vomit/bukkake pr0n?   Oh, and whoever the little bastard is who DoS'ed 'em until they took the site down temporarily: karma is real, and you'll get yours one of these days, motherfucker.

That will be all.

Oh, no, wait... there is one more thing.  If you happen to be the little shit who's been forging other people's names in the guestbook over at The Ominous Main Page, you might just want to go ahead and write Tracie an apology letter before your IP gets traced back and your ISP gets a nasty-gram about your activities... just a suggestion.


02 January 2000
19:53 Hey, a Y2K issue!
Looks like Perl has a couple of minor Y2K issues... I checked out the guestbook and discovered that Perl was trying to tell it that it was the year 100.  Nice... well, it's all fixified now.  I just applied a little Y2KY Jelly, and now it uses all four digits, so all is well.

New Year's resolution:  I will not, in the year 2000, simply knock down every shot of Crown Royal placed in front of me without stopping to think about it.  Wow.  I finished off all but six shots of a full bottle of Crown Royal all by myself... and let me tell you something, the hangover I was sporting yesterday was something out of fucking legend.


Music News in the Year 2000: Trent Reznor becomes newest Back Street Boy
ninfan.jpg (10299 bytes)
Click here for more on this shocking event!


New Year's Eve 1999
13:21 Jimbo's Slice of the Year 1999 (Got Pie?)
I don't normally do this sort of thing - Sharkey and Wrongforum and the gang over at Badassmofo.com do a great job of it.  But dammit, just this once I'm going to have to make an exception - particularly since I emailed Sharkey and gave him a chance at it first, and he instead chose to post some lackluster (probably forbidden) slice named Dominique Swain today.  Anyway, I'd like you to meet Denise van Outen, the incredibly delectable host of a couple of British TV "programmes"... this woman 0wnz me.

And as it turns out, Denise has a weakness for badass Jedi stoners.  Woohoo!



(btw, if you're not familiar with the concept of pie, you can
go visit Sharkey's Pieclopedia and become enlightened.)

limeypie.jpg (23649 bytes)


10:52 Why2K?
Well, I'm going to have a little Y2K crisis of my very own tonight - that is, I'm going to go get completely boofy blitzed at a friend's house.

I just figured I ought to have some "processor problems" in the morning.

Other than that, of course, life will be absolutely peachy, at least in this country.  Although, here's a nifty idea for you: at about 11:45 PM tonight, go find a phone somewhere in the house where nobody ever uses the phone.  Take it off the hook.  When the stroke of midnight hits, arrange to be "in the bathroom" or whatever, but secretly what you're really doing is sneaking out to the circuit breaker... at precisely midnight, throw the main breaker!  POOF, the power is out, and when somebody goes to pick up the phone, it's dead too!  What fun, eh?

(If you're under 18 and live with your parents, by the way, I did not tell you to do that, and I'll call you a fucking liar if you say I did.  Fair warning.)

Remember that Y2KY Jelly pic I posted a few days ago?   Wonder what the hell it was for?  Well, I got a pretty entertaining explanation from The Welsh Tr0ll... in fact, it was entertaining enough that I'm going to dredge the picture up again:

y2kyjelly.jpg (15338 bytes)

Got Year 2000 worries?  Use Y2KY Jelly
and insert four digits instead of just two!


28 December 1999
19:28 Guestbook-spamming ass pirates
Now, I realize that not too long ago I preached about the practice of slamming people who sign guestbooks.  But dammit, I also remember very fucking clearly mentioning that the reason I wasn't down with the attacks against those people I mentioned was because they weren't spamming.  I'm pretty sure I also recall mentioning how much I fucking hate spam, and that if somebody were to spam the guestbook, the gloves would come off.

Well, kiddies, I definitely - definitely - consider full-page content-free HTML advertisements posted in guestbooks to be "spam".  On the first offense.  You would think that a would-be guestbook spammer would, after taking a good look around a site like mine, think "you know... this is maybe not the best place to do something stupid and irritating."

Tom, who named his page after a font, apparently never stopped to think any such thing.

Oh, by the way, Tom... the HTML in your guestbook spams is seriously fucking broken.   But don't worry, I fixed it.  Best of luck to you, and I hope you get lots and lots of referrals.



Click here for 27 December 1999 Stream



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