Welcome to the Stream archives - you can click the planet to the left to get back to Jimbo's World if you're lost.

This, on the other hand, should appeal to a broader audience... namely, the sort of audience that likes sick jokes involving hookers, viagra, and the occasional sheep.  (Could it be that there's some sort of correspondence with my sort of audience, here...?  No, of course not. )

See you guys later on in the week, eh?

If the damn thing dies a third time, I'll just pull the link and say to hell with it.

Anyway, enough.  If you've got the bandwidth - or the time - then clickity click click to download about 27MB of hilarity.

(I'll mirror the file from here soon... but for right now my copy of the mpg is at home and I'm at work, so hot-linking is the order of the day.)

And now there's a new one.  I don't know who the hell sings it or what the hell the name of it is, but it came on the radio twice tonight.  A touching little tale of leaving one's significant other at home to go find somebody with lots of money to fuck for the evening.  Lovely!

What the hell is going on with black women these days?  Bad enough to present yourself as a brainless bimbo bent on nothing but looking fuckable ::cough:: Mariah Carey ::cough::, but a whore?   This is cool?  This is what young black women all over the country want to identify with?

Looking for a man with money is dubious enough... but we all have to admit that financial stability, to one degree or another, is certainly a valid and necessary criteria for a mate.  But for a cheap fuck?  Christ, you could at least be looking for someone to fuck just because they turn you on... but do you really need them to have "pockets full-grown" or "dem Platinum visas" just to fuck them once as soon as you meet them?

That... is simply... pathetic.

If anybody knows what the name of that second song is and/or who the sorry whore that sings it is, sign the guestbook - it's fixed now.

I decided to play around with some of the scads of Elian images out there.  Crudely done, I know... but at least it entertained me.

Of course, as those of us who are In The Know are well aware, PeeT is one of the few humans on the planet who is - on a regular basis - significantly less motivated than I am.  So it's not like he's going to show me how un-gay his own ideas could be or anything.

Consider that a slight twist on the Tom Sawyer gambit. =)

Also notable is the ever-popular "grannies fuckin"... which should, really, in all fairness, have led those people to penismightier, unchallenged #1 page for nasty naked grannies.

But none of the above is really all that surprising.   What amazes me is just how many fucking hits I've been getting since I put up that tarted-up picture of Josh, for people searching for "cosmopolitan makeover warez" or "cosmo virtual makeover download" or similar.  Who the hell would have thought it?!  Are we headed into a Generation Y of w4r3z ch1x, who all put up s00p3r-l337 pages of broken links to Cosmo Virtual Makeover and Disney adventure games, all of which spawn new browser windows of Top 100 Rainbow Brite pages and gaymale pr0n sites?

Or will the browser spawns all be to chickmail...?  Will gurlpages be the host of choice for this new generation of warez d00dettes, finally edging out Angelfire as the hack/crack/exploit freeserver of choice?

We live in scary times, my friends.

In closing, all I have to say is this: mouseover if you love bukkake!   Thank you, and good day..

mouseover here if your boss is watching.

I really, really need to get off of my ass and build a separate section for Theatre For The Jaded... particularly since so many people are coming here via banner clicks looking for Muppet Porn now.  I've actually been meaning to do that forever, but that's been one of those things I just never got around to, 'cause it really deserves its own layout, and...

You know.  Procrastination 0wnz me, I am its bitch.

So this is your chance - if you're feeling more motivated than I am, make a phat layout for a Theatre For The Jaded page.  Well-done movie-screen-curtain elements would be a huge plus, as would be a really really deep green background - Jade green, of course.  You can either put your work up on a free webpage somewhere (or an area of your own site, if you have one already) and mail me the link, or you can make a ZIP file that unzips into a single folder with the HTML page and all of your 'leet custom graphics.  So c'mon, folks... there's several hundred of you coming here every day from all over the world.  Surely one of you is more motivated than I am?

Mail me or sign the guestbook and let me know where to go check out yer efforts.

Liz Taylor meets the man of her dreams - she knows that she wants to spend the rest of her life with him.  Problem is, he's only eighteen years old... and she's afraid that when he sees her naked, he won't want to be with her anymore.   So she pays a visit to her plastic surgeon.  "Doc," she says, "you've got to help me... I'm afraid he won't want me anymore after he sees me naked.   So you've got to make my vagina look like it's only eighteen again."

"I don't know, Liz... that's a very, very delicate procedure, and a lot could go wrong."  She's having none of it, and finally convinces him to perform the operation on her, but demands one last thing - "NOBODY can know about this, doc.  No tabloids, no press, don't even tell your wife!  He can't ever find out about this!"  The doctor assures her of confidentiality, and they schedule the procedure.

On the fateful day, Liz comes in and goes under the knife.   Twelve hours later, when she comes to in a recovery room, she sees three huge bouquets of flowers at the foot of her bed, and she's furious!  She rings for the nurse, and demands that the nurse get the doctor immediately.  When the doctor comes in, he asks "what's wrong, Liz?"  She starts screaming "Nobody was supposed to know about this!  NOBODY!  So WHO BROUGHT THESE FLOWERS?"

"Calm down, Liz, calm down!  I've been your doctor for twenty years, now, I consider myself your friend as well.  The first bouquet is from me."

"Well who the hell is the second one from?!"

"Well, Liz, your anesthesiologist for this procedure happened to be a gay man... he's a huge fan of your work.  The second bouquet is from him."

Somewhat mollified, Liz asks "Well, okay.  But who's the third bouquet from?"

"Oh, some guy down in the Burn Unit... he just wanted to thank you for his new ears."

PeeT and I went to see Gladiator last night... pretty coo.  In particular, the opening battle sequence was an incredible spectacle... fire arrows everywhere, leaving little smoke trails through the sky, catapults flinging balls of flaming pitch and setting the woods on fire, ballistae spearing motherfuckers left and right.  Sweet.

But I do have a few caveats about the movie... four, in fact.

But don't get me wrong... I'm not pissed that I saw this in the theater, which is more than I can say for the vast majority of movies.   Hell, I can't even say that for most of the movies that I have seen in the theater. :)  If you're not too critical about stuff like I mentioned above - or even if you are, but you just want one great big ass-kicking sword-swinging epic - go see Gladiator, it's pretty damned impressive in spite of its flaws.

Ranting against strip clubs - my favorite bit is the lamentation that "the First Amendment... deprives the States of any power to pass on the value, the propriety, or the morality of a particular expression."  So who needs the fucking States to tell them what is or is not moral or proper?!

Yet more fundamentalist drivel - for the most part, this is just the typical painfully contrived rehashing of biblical scripture in the inevitably futile attempt to make it more relevant to times 2000 years after its writing than it really is.  But at just one point, the author eloquently brings forth exactly the thing that angers me about even relatively "benevolent" Christianity... the doctrine of Faith vs Works.  To wit: "At it's [sic] heart, the Christian faith is about abandoning your own attempts to save yourself and accepting the finished work of Christ."  Abandon your own attempts to save yourself?  Bloody wonderful.  Karl Marx may have been a lunatic, but he did get one thing right: Religion is the opiate of the masses.

I got my hands on some digital video production software, which I've wasted most of tonight playing with... sick, sick things are in the works, my friends.  But in the meantime, I have a few little tidbits to throw your way and tide you over:

1.	Did you like the page with the chatterbot tossed into IRC channels?  Then you'll love baiting.org, which is nothing but logfiles of people fucking with pedophiles, the religious right, and other loathsome creatures on AIM.  Particularly entertaining are the Sexbot logs, in which someone pretends to be a bot made for cybersex... a bot that invariably runs into errors that cause it to turn into a raging homosexual.  Funny stuff.
2.	Making fun of rednecks is always a blast... check out Great Mobile Homes of Mississippi.  Trans-Camaro-Birds galore!
3.	Tired of dumb hookers?  Wish you could rent an educated woman's genitalia on a short-term basis?  Got $14,000 to spare?  ($7,000 a day with a two-day minimum!)  Heh.  Me either... so why does this chick think a long weekend with her is worth enough money to buy a brand new Z28 outright?  (I'll take the sports car, thanks.)

OK, I'm going back to playing with my new production software now.  There seems to be a pretty steep learning curve to this stuff... but I'm determined.  So be afraid... be very afraid.

On one hand, I was very surprised to see an ad like this in rotation on a site like mine.  But on the other hand, I very strongly endorse the statement in question.  If you've got a kid... be a parent. (Note: I'm not necessarily personally endorsing the site in question or any government "Family Services" program... just the statement their banner makes.)

On a completely different topic, yes, I do have some new goodies for you... but no, you're probably not going to get 'em tonight, because I'm gettin' some tonight.  So there.