||I know nothing... nothing
love your site, need more bong chicks...
anyways...i just finished building a site for this guy in town. he has a degenerative
spinal disorder and has less than five years to live. pretty shitty when you consider he
lives in a trailer park...
BUT...he also has a whole shitload of high quality pot seeds...northern lights
strain...canada...and he asked me to build him a site to sell said seeds so he can retire
and live out the rest of his days comfortably...
hows about giving him a link or a few plugs now and then to help him out? they seriously
grow into fat bushes... and he only wants 5$ a pop!!!
Got this in my email tonight,
and thought I'd share.
I've never personally grown anything, unless
you count strange penicillin-like cultures in Tupperware in the fridge, so I gots no clue
about any of this stuff.
Make sure you know what side of the law you're
on with regards to anything like this before you do it. I understand the legality of
things like seeds varies considerably from one location to the next, and I don't
really keep track.
||I would go right the fuck
to jail (Jimbo)
I found this image lurking over at Chimptopia tonight, and just had to share.
And I gotta tell ya, folks - I'm not
normally all that excited over "teenie" stuff. I tend to think of the
generic "sexiest age" for a woman physically as being somewhere between 24 and
28. Always have, even when I was a teenager... and generally speaking, I
like 'em curvy, not narrow.
But there's just something about this
particular narrow little underage thing... I would wind up going right the fuck
to jail if she was sitting salaciously in those little teeny shorts all spread out and
making a point of displaying her "Chow Mai Pu Tang" shirt at me.
It's a good thing she's just a "pikchur
on da Innernet" as far as I'm concerned.
||The First Amendment Rules (Baldghoti)
Mad phat pr0pz to Karl
Beidler from the North Thurston School District in Washington State. He was expelled
from school for a semester two years ago--for making a PERSONAL website on his PERSONAL
web account. The website featured photoshopped pictures of his assistant principal having
sexual intercourse wtih Homer Simpson, smoking marijuana, endorsing Viagra, sodomizing a
pig, and other "unsavory and immoral acts".
These kinds of expulsions have occured
in other parts of the country, although no others have as of yet gone to court.
Flash forward to last week. Karl the Digital
Badass won a court case (backed up by the ACLU) and
successfully sued the school board for $10,000 in damages plus $52,000 sent back to the
ACLU in attorney fees.
Karl Beidler, you are a true American hero.
Hopefully, the precedent you set this week will dissuade other high schools from
prosecuting and punishing those who dare to mock those in charge.
||Youth study discovers possible
unusual artistic ability, homosexuality (Jimbo)
to see what's got Junior in such a tizzy.
(original image ganked from www.3BP.com)
(mouseover here to put it
||ALL YOUR NO-FLY ZONE ARE BELONG TO
US !!! (Baldghoti)
mouseover here to start the
I knew it was only a matter of time before the
parodies started rolling in... this one's stolen from memepool.
Mouseover here to start the
||This disturbed me on so
many levels (Jimbo)
I wound up at www.blumpy.org
after reading some threads on the www.uglykittens.com
forum. For those of you who don't know, a "blumpy" is a blowjob given to
somebody who is currently defecating. Funny, "blumpy" doesn't sound
like a Japanese word... but I digress.
It's kind of an interesting site,
consisting mostly of tons and tons of zero-budget original video with all sorts of odd
special effects. Frankly, much like the "blumpy" it's named after, some of
it's really cool... but you gotta go through a lot of shit to get to it. D'oh!
The files are bloody enormous, too...
But I did find one clip there that
managed to disturb the hell out of me - "Jamall's Cyber-Date."
The whole thing is 14.5MB strong, but I managed to squeeze the part that really got my
attention down to a much smaller DivX avi. I also took
the liberty of replacing the audio track - somehow, it just seemed appropriate.
Click, and be disturbed. (DivX AVI, 1.5MB)
||HOW ARE YOU GENTLEMEN!!! (Jimbo)
undead Jennifer Love Hewitt courtesy of Zahir
If you're as entertained by the bizarrely
fractured plots - and equally bizarre Engrish - often found in oldskool Japanese video
games, you'll definitely want to click here for a twisted video tribute. ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!!! (Shockwave, 1.59MB)
just found out that my pervertkermit GIF was bastardized in the original
TribalWar forum thread that started all this Zero Wing craziness. A winner is
On the other hand, if you're the type who just
can't get enough of that slimy stuff, check out this unintentionally hilarious
"cumpilation" video. I didn't edit it in any way, but I did
decide to rename it Bukkake Moon
Rising. (AVI, 3.5MB, uses DIVX codec)
Maybe it's just my twisted sense of humor, but I laughed my ass off at this
Finally, if you want some killer rap'n'roll
shit, kinda reminiscent of early 311, hook up with Napster and score:
Crazytown - Butterfly
Crazytown - Only
When I'm Drunk
Crazytown - Lollipop
If you're running Napster 2.0b9+ and Internet
Explorer 4+, you can just click the links to open Napster and search for the song.
(Those of you running older - or crustier - apps can just open 'er up and type the search
phrase in yourself.)
||Don't let it bring you down...
it's only castles burning (Jimbo)
I have this burning desire to spew forth
all that's wrong with the world... and I don't even know where to begin.
It's the sacred - yes, I said sacred -
duty of each new generation to shake things up a bit. To step back with a critical
eye, and look at what their parents and grandparents did, and find something fucked up,
in order that it may be fixed. This is not always an easy task - often, the ideas
you're reared on become so deeply ingrained that it's difficult to really understand how
fundamentally bad they may be.
Let's begin with the concepts of
"punishment", and of "prison." Many people have made the observation
that, although in this day and age the rarity of punishment working is extreme,
we as a society nevertheless cling fanatically to the doctrine - somebody does something
wrong, we want to slam their dick in the dirt and grind it. Most of the
folks who realize the inherent ineffectuality of this desire to punish ascribe
the popular insistence on doing it anyway to "basic human nature."
Let's first begin by defining
"wrong", as appropriate in this context. "Wrong" actions are
those actions which deprive people (or corporations, which are "people" in the
eyes of the law) of rights, privileges, or territory to which they are entitled.
While there are actions which are legally criminal and in fact do not deprive
anyone of such a right or privilege, the pretense of that law is that it protects
So. Upon observing basic mammalian
psychology - from weasels to hippopotami to giraffes to chimpanzees - what is the
instinctive reaction of one animal to another animal's encroachment upon rights (food),
privileges (females) or territory (hunting or grazing grounds) which that animal feels it
is entitled to? That reaction is not to punish - it is to defeat.
When an alpha male wolf engages in ritual
combat with a younger male sniffing after a female, he is not punishing the
younger male, he is asserting dominance. By defeating the younger
male in combat, he prevents that younger male from flouting his authority.
He asserts dominance in order to preserve the social order in the pack. Similar
behavior patterns can be found in members of all mammalian species - you have to
remember, to a wild animal, pain is a fact of life. To a creature which is
used to a daily proposition of "find food for myself or die", simple
pain really isn't that much of a negative motivator except as it signifies defeat.
As such, the motive of one wild animal attempting to suppress a behavior in another is not
really to inflict pain per se, but to inflict defeat - to prove that it
can, and will, personally prevent the behavior which it is attempting to suppress
in the other animal. Pain - "punishment" - is only an indicator of damage
- not of defeat.
So this brings us to our modern society.
If we accept that the basic mammalian - and therefore human - instinct is to defeat,
not to punish, then why is the desire to punish so nearly ineradicable in our societies?
It's simple: we've subjugated nearly every possible avenue for the defeat
of those who encroach on our rights, territories, and privileges. We cannot
use force to prevent the theft of our possessions, the trespass on our territory, or the
abuse of our weak - our government has decreed that it and only it is allowed to be
All of this leads, quite rightly, to a sense
of powerlessness - and, frankly, a mild sort of insanity. You cannot protect what
you cannot see - you can only respond to calls alerting you to the fact that the
damage is already done. People, however, desire safety... and knowing damned
well that police can do little to prevent crime - only respond to it -
the only thing left to them is revenge... "punishment."
And so we sentence perpetrators of all sorts
of "crimes" both real and imagined to prisons - prisons designed to
"punish" but not to defeat. And through the mechanism of constant
"punishment" - guards who do their best to curtail university-sponsored
education programs for inmates, prison administrators that "cannot condone
homosexuality" yet foster an
environment of brutal rape, and more - we teach these inmates that they do
exist in a hostile wilderness... and - get this, it's important - we teach them that lawful
society encroaches on their privileges and that pain, no matter how prolonged,
does not truly signify defeat.
Makes you think, doesn't it?
The root cause of this problem is that our
society has ceased to view personal protection from crime as a civic responsibility and
instead has decided to view it as a civil right - something that we had the
"right" to have others provide for us. This will never
work - you cannot protect what you cannot see. Thus, if we do not accept the
responsibility of protecting ourselves, in order to attain safety we must submit ourselves
to the constant scrutiny of people charged with the responsibility of preventing us
from doing anything they consider wrong.
Citizens should be responsible for protecting
themselves - and each other - from crime.
Police should be responsible for investigating possible crimes.
Prison guards should be responsible for protecting prisoners - who have,
by criminal action, lost the right to protect themselves.
If you take the above as truth - and I do - it
becomes very clear that we, as a society, have imprisoned ourselves.
Unfortunately, we have somehow perverted
things so that "prison" is a place where you lock away and forget
criminals. Instead of being imprisoned so that they can be more closely monitored
in order to prevent them from abusing people, society chooses to pretend that
prisoners are "locked away" where they are completely powerless and
no-one has to bother worrying about them abusing anyone. Of course, this is
not actually true - prisoners are still perfectly capable of exploiting, abusing, and
generally hurting each other.
Since our system views prison as
"punishment", however, and views criminals as "removed from the
picture" rather than placed under closer supervision, this very
vulnerability of one inmate to another - and to guards - is not seen as a problem.
And after a few years of the lifetime experience of extreme opportunistic abuse and
exploitation such an institution creates, we let these people back out into
society... which they (correctly) see as just another prison, but one with very few
guards, light surveillance, and powerless inmates. Is it any wonder how
high the rate of criminal recidivism is?
Rather than taking every possible basic human
freedom away from imprisoned criminals, an effort should be made to preserve as
much freedom as possible within the constraints of security. Inmates can be and are
given useful work; they should be paid in "prison money" for that work and
allowed - encouraged - to spend that money on cable TV, nicer bedding, computers,
internet access, et cetera. The only way to truly reform a criminal is to create
for him a life in which hard work and being kind to others is continually repaid, in small
increments, with better living conditions - all "punishing" him for years on end
is going to do is enrage him.
Conjugal visits should not only be allowed,
but encouraged. Prisoners without current wives or girlfriends should be
allowed access to internet "personals" sites to find them. For that
matter, it would be a damned good idea to make prisons co-ed facilities - economies of
scale make penitentiaries which would be too small to be divided into separate halves
impractical to run anyway. Logistics might be damnably difficult to work out for
existing prisons, but newer prisons could be designed from the start as twin facilities
separated by a monolithic wall, each side to have one extremely high-security access
portal to a "commons" area - one which is never left unsupervised.
Prisoners who want romance - or just plain sex - and who had earned the privilege
of access to the commons could be allowed the use of private rooms - with the requirement
that each prisoner sign a logbook before entering, stating their willingness to leave the
supervised area with their partner.
Finally, criminals who have not shown
a marked willingness and ability to live side by side with others peacefully and without
attempting to abuse or exploit them should not be released back into
"unsupervised" society... and neither should they be released into
"unsupervised" society until after securing a tangible and practical
means of support: aka, in most cases, a job. Anyone will steal to feed
themselves or their family.
Some conservatives will complain that these
"dream prisons" will be hideously expensive to maintain. They might - or
might not - be more expensive than current prisons. But I can tell you one thing:
even putting moral issues aside, they will be cheaper than running the entire
country like one big penitentiary.
And frankly, I'm tired of being a prisoner.
||Those damn cell phones (Baldghoti)
I always knew that having a 'vibrate' function
on those cellular phones was a problem.
It was only a matter of time before one ended up up someone's ass.
Surprisingly, it was intended for enjoyment, and not as punishment for the driving of an
Back when I worked at Radio Schlock, we used to
be REQUIRED to make at least two cellular/PCS sales a week if we wanted to make more than
minimum wage. Even though I worked in Palm Beach County, home of elderly folk who demanded
that we quit selling those "brain
cancer-causing toys of Satan", and Guatemalans who didn't understand the concept
of a legally binding signature on a one-year contract, their eyes gleaming as they gazed
longingly at the "CELL PHONE FOR ONE PENNY!" signs we dutifully hung on the
doors, we still continued to shovel the mobile phones into the community at large.
I still have a PCS phone under my bed. Maybe I'll turn it back on someday but I doubt
it. At least it has a vibrate function.
||Hell hath no fury like a traffic
cop denied (Jimbo)
You know, the dumbest idea Bill Clinton
ever had - and that includes stuffing a cigar in the vagina of an emotionally
unstable 20-something intern in the Oval Office - was that plan of his to "get more
police on the streets." Me personally, I get accosted by cops with attitude a lot
more often than I do by criminals - and his plan hasn't exactly helped the problem any.
I got pulled tonight because I don't have a
tag on my car yet. Considering the fact that I have paid the property taxes
on the vehicle in question, have insurance on it, and have paperwork detailing the reason
there aren't tags yet (a paperwork error made by the seller), you'd think this would be a
pretty friendly sort of stop...
But, since the car looks kinda rough
at first glance - the clearcoat Ford used in 1990 not being one that stands up
well to the test of time - the cop was just positive he had himself a nice fat
bust. Guy in a black leather bomber and a baseball cap, driving a rough-looking
sports car with no tags on it... hoo-wee, we got usselves a good 'un, heah!
Once again, I bring you a story that comes
complete with a translation:
officer. Pulled me for a paperwork check?"
officer. Yup, I know why you pulled me, nope, I don't have anything to worry about,
want the license and bill-of-sale and proof-of-insurance now?
look:: "Give me your license, your bill of sale, and your proof of insurance for this
your clothes, your boots, and your motorcycle. Oh, wait, that's the Terminator...
I'm just a traffic cop. But that doesn't mean I'm gonna act friendly with you,
you go. There're two bills of sale because the seller made a mistake on the
paperwork, the affidavit of correction is in there too."
||Why did I
even bother trying to be friendly? ::sigh:: I'm starting to foresee you shining
that fucking flashlight in my face quite a bit tonight.
At this point, Officer Friendly adjourns to his cruiser for
some serious jerking off with Dispatch over the radio.
did you buy this car?"
that even though I kept you waiting half a fucking hour already while I jerked Dispatch
off, I still haven't managed to figure out what this paperwork really means.
bought it in December - but when I went to get tags for it, I found out the seller
accidentally transferred the title to himself. So I had to get hold of him again and
get the error fixed."
enough, you're pretending that you're a plainclothes detective, you've Taken Me Downtown,
and your fucking flashlight is the overhead light in the interrogation room,
glaring in my eyes while you Grill The Perp. Get a goddamn job, asshole.
wait another half an hour while I go jerk off with Dispatch again. So
fucking sorry I made you shut off your motor and it's cold as hell tonight - my
engine's running, and it's toasty warm in the PigMobile!
After half an hour of extended relaxation in the nice heated
cruiser, he finally gives up and stalks back up to my door.
playing a game, boy - a very expensive game."
it, I don't think I can make anything stick.
get to the point, piglet? I'm freezing my fucking nuts off, here.
don't know where you work or how much money you make, but I couldn't afford the
three tickets I could write you tonight at $174 a pop."
break you, punk... at least, I could if any of these fucking tickets would stick in court.
And if I thought for a second that any one of them would, I'd write it.
for cutting me a break, officer."
I could afford your stupid fucking tickets, even if you could actually
get 'em to stick in court - but I don't feel like spending six hours in jail tonight for
Pissing Off the Po-lice, so I'm gonna go home and post a bunch of smartass remarks on my
website instead of delivering 'em to your face. Fucking pig.
||Fake nudes (Jimbo)
mouseover here to put 'em
It never ceases to amaze me how worked up
people get over fake nudes.
Britney picture Stile posted is fake, folks - fake fake fake. Those tits are WAY
too big to really be stuffed into that tiny little top - at least if you expect to stuff
Britney in there with them! The original pic the faker worked from is posted to your
right. (And yes, I know Britney's a little demon-whore-child. But did you
really think Disney would let her wear a Saran-Wrap top on stage?!)
But if you want to pretend you're ogling
Britney's tits, far be it from me to stop you - in fact, I'll help! If you're gonna
get worked up over a fake nude, the least I can do is make you a good one.
So mouseover here to check out my
fake Britney pic... just don't get the monitor too sticky, okay?
Update! Why fuck around? Mouseover
and take the whole damn top off.
||Quick Link (Baldghoti)
You know, idiocy deserves company.
I'm not too happy about the new Israeli Prime Minister. For those of you who haven't
been reading the news, Sharon (the new Israeli PM) is a big-time warmongerer, so we have
more violence in the mideast to worry about. Greaaat.
Well, on the upside, American capitalism
is live and well.
||I ate Canada! (Baldghoti)
Whilst shopping at Publix, our friendly local grocer, I
stumbled upon a gem in the candy aisle. Thunderstruck, I realized that now, I had
the power to do something I'd always wanted to do... EAT A SOVEREIGN NATION!
Now, not to point fingers at specific Canadians, but
I've noticed that the average Canadian tends to be rather slim. It didn't
particularly surprise me that Canada was fat free.
Upon first glance, Canada appears to be similar to a tab of
Pepto Bismol. However, I would later realize that it tasted completely and totally
similar to Pepto Bismol.
The back panel caught my eye. One serving -- two
pieces? This is damn clever. You see, with only two pieces, there's less than
half a gram of fat. Less than half a gram of fat, round it to zero grams of fat
average in two tiny "tabs" of Canada. Zero grams divided by the total
number of grams in two tabs equals zero percent fat per serving. Zero percent fat
per serving times number of servings. Zero fat content! Statistics are fun.
Returning to my sweet, luscious Canada, I discovered a disturbingly white-trash air to the
Land of Mapleness. They actually write the name on the country. I think the
main goal of this is to distinguish a tab of Canada from a tab of MDMA.
Now to the actual taste. Some people would expect
Canada to taste like mayonnaise or gravy, but this is the wintergreen flavored
Canada. Or, so says the bag--for when I chewed into sweet, sweet Canada, I tasted a hearty
chug of Pepto Bismol, mixed with subtexts of bubble gum, a bit of wintergreen, and a dash
of cinnamon flavoring. Not particularly bad, but after three or four
"servings" (eight or nine pieces) an unpleasant aftertaste formed in my mouth,
and I tossed back a bit of water.
The worst part of the entire experience was the after-aftertaste. A certain other brand of mints well known for their sexual uses leaves an odd
scratchy feeling in the back of one's throat upon sweet minty overdose, as does Canada.
Simply put, Canada may not be for everyone. But if
socialized medicine Pepto Bismol, you may enjoy Canada.