Every once in awhile I get in an argument with someone
and it always takes a lot out of me
I'm not good at arguing
because I always find myself pinpointing
the true nature of the conflict
down to some fundamental difference in thinking
that seems so ridiculously far from the issue at hand
that there's no way for me to explain it to the other person
(as they don't care to even discuss it in the first place
or to discuss anything important, for that matter
they call me close-minded
but they're the one's who have stopped looking
they've given up the idea of comparing notes
they must think that they know everything there is to know
because they never make an effort to look
they never take a single step toward trying to decipher
the purpose of their lives
which makes our conversations very one-sided
I trying to find common points to build from
while they want only to get back to their channel surfing
dazed gazing
garbage reading
alcohol sipping
daily chore of existence
with no vision, concept or desire
of a different life
a more conscious manner of dealing with reality
wow, that just slipped in there
sorry)
basically, the root of it all
comes down to a respect for humankind
a respect for people and what we can accomplish with our lives
if you can't envision that possibility in your own life
how can you possibly see it in someone else's?
it's almost a curse for me
I can look at anyone, no matter how lazy, annoying, mean or stupid
and imagine them as a person I could respect
I can see the steps they could take to get there
or the steps for them to gain some sort of redemption
at the very least.
people have different ideas
of what actions they deem worthy of respect
but many simply have no idea at all
they don't understand how anyone
could ever be deserving of their respect
because they can't conceive
of ever having any respect for themselves
we're all people
we aren't perfect in our actions
we all have bad thoughts
we all make mistakes
and some people can never see past that
they can never see past the errors
to the positive application
of the wisdom gained from those errors.
there are people who, under normal circumstances
will never make the same mistake twice
not because they are inherently any different from anyone else
not because they have some sort of super-human power
but because they pay attention
they learn from their mistakes
they come to conclusions
about how humans should interact with one another
and stick by them
unless they find a flaw in their thinking
in which case they proceed to right themselves
to re-adjust their course
they fight for their ideas, because they understand them.
almost any random person will tell you that it's wrong to cheat
to lie
to steal
to solve disputes with violence
but how many people really follow those rules?
and why do so many of them need a fucking bible
to justify these decisions?
their notions about how to treat and be treated by others
never really sink in
because those ideas are never really theirs
they've always belonged to someone else
who just passed them along
without any real explanation as to why they should be followed
many of my ideas are similar to those of organized religion
rules on how to live peacefully with other human beings
but mine have a solid grounding
because, although I may have heard them first
from various other sources
I in the end learned them for myself
I removed myself from everything I had ever been taught
I removed myself from everything anyone had ever told me
I lined up all the ideas anyone had ever told me
and I let them in, one at a time
I testing each idea against what I had learned about the world
I accepted
I rejected
until I was left with a system of beliefs
that is in no way based on belief
but on thought, and choice
this wasn't a simple afternoon project
it's an entire way of living
a way of integrating information into the hierarchy of my thoughts
giving me a larger base, a stronger foundation
the sureness to be able to accept and reject
I've fallen into a lot of pits
but I always endeavor never to make the same mistake twice
meanwhile, people tell me that I'm too intolerant
too sarcastic toward insincerity
too unwilling to give some slack to mediocre hacks.
as I was saying, I get in my share of arguments
and, more than once, after a particularly unsatisfactory conclusion
I'll end up writing about it
explaining both sides
reasoning out why I think the other person took the stance they did
trying my best to demonstrate some level of empathy
without coming off as too unaccepting or intolerant
but it's difficult
because in most cases, I truly do have a head start
of several years, despite my age
over the person I'm arguing with
I'm in a constant process of self-evaluation
I refuse to let questions slide without a satisfactory answer
and I constantly re-evaluate my old answers
while most of the people I know have yet to start this process
they've come to some cursory conclusions
about the nature of human life on earth
and have settled with that
I can't talk with them for five minutes
before I bump into glaring contradictions
evasion of facts
the disowning of sentences they had uttered mere minutes before
they can never keep it all together
the world can be a big place
humankind is an extremely large puzzle
and without a constant effort to keep it all in check
it will spiral out of control in no time
and then all you're left with are the questions:
"who am I to know?"
"who's to say what's right or wrong?"
"who has the authority to make an absolute decision?"
and when they're referring to me, all those I's turn into you's:
"who are you to know?"
"who are you to decide?"
if they really had a solid opinion, they'd talk with me
until they were hoarse, if they had too
because they'd want to test their ideas
and possibly spread them, from one understanding mind to another
rather than evade my questions in frustrated anger
though, like I said
I'm not very good at arguing yet
I don't have the skills to draw people out of their cocoons
before everything blows up in my face
so, reading back
over any of the written accounts of debates I occasionally make
it amazes me that the issues at hand, which seem so trivial
could have escalated into such a major conflict
over a few ignored facts.
what total fucking cowards
they never stand up and face life
though really, what's the sense of mentioning it?
will this help them to take any kind of action in their lives?
probably not.
I don't think I've been able to properly represent the course I've taken
which has led me to the conclusion
that people cannot be fundamentally improved
that they can already accomplish anything
which also makes them incredibly tiresome
when their only goal is to accomplish nothing
and in their darkest moments
when the world breaks them down
and they can't think of a good reason to get back up
they don't even care
they get comfortable with it
because it's not their fault
it's because humanity is inherently flawed
it's because it'll all go awry in the end
it's because we'll end up destroying the planet and each other anyway
it's inevitable
because we're human
I used to write shit like that, when I was 15
but then I grew out of it
how can someone be thirty and still think that life is unfair
and ultimately undesirable?
why didn't they ever figure out that it's not?
they've had plenty of time
why didn't they use it?
they have to learn it for themselves
there's really not a whole lot I can directly do
but maybe, at the very least
they'll think of this book once in awhile
and give something a second thought
or maybe they'll take notice of the fact
that I'll never stop making things
I'll never stop learning new skills.
I may never have a lot of fans
but I'll have some books
I'll have comics
I'll have music
I'll have anything that I might ever care to produce
and a shitty job on the side to pay for it all
but I'll never stop
and maybe that very example
of a person taking action
of a person producing things
not baseball caps and bathroom plungers
but works of the mind
will be enough to inspire someone
to seek out these ideas for themselves
to realize the true power and possibility behind their birthright
as a human being on the planet earth
it's a clever marketing plan, as well
because if someone taught me something that important
I'd buy every piece of shit they ever made
but that's how it works for me:
if someone teaches me something about myself
or even if someone isn't trying to get across any message in particular
but manages to demonstrate
that they are fully devoted
to whatever medium they've chosen
showing that they are constantly improving and growing
I'll stick with them through a pile of mistakes
I'll weather long periods of stagnation
because I know that I've seen their potential, once
and I want to be around when it finally resurfaces
I'll let go eventually
but it takes some time
I'm loyal to those who deserve it.

this isn't a veiled attempt to get people to stick by me
even if I start to suck, by the way
I wouldn't blame anyone for dropping me if I ever turn lazy
but in the end, I don't think it will be an issue
I may end up having relatively few fans
but they'll be some damn die-hard fans
the only kind worth having
presumptuous of me, huh?
but it's not.
my mom was telling me once that writing isn't practical
and proceeded to rattle of a few career choices
that are in higher demand
I tried to explain to her that there is no higher demand right now
than for sanity
for people who are willing to apply the practice of reason
to the problems of the world
because that's the only way they'll ever be solved.
it's like a breath of fresh air to me
when I find someone who makes sense
a person who shares an understanding of the world
which is similar to mine
they remind me that I'm not just a lone crusader
alone on the plains
I know that if I keep my eyes open, I'll find others
and with enough work, I'll meet them
and as way of introduction, I'll give them this book.
if those people didn't exist, I'd still write
but it's a relief to know that they do.
the reason my mom doesn't understand this
is because she's never looked too hard
for any kind of sanity in this world
she's never been desperate
for a reasonable human mind to resonate with
either that, or she has looked, found nothing of real note
and simply stopped searching
I can't say for sure
but the world is entering an odd age
the first of its kind
because we now have the ability to see into the future
two hundred years ago, no one had any conception
of what we call "science fiction"
two hundred years ago, no one could conceive
of humankind being able to blow itself up
but we can conceive of it all, now.
the gates are open.
for the people of ancient times, the world changed slowly
so slowly that within the span of the average human lifetime
nothing much really happened
it must have been like living inside of a Marvel comic
small details may change,
but the fundamental situation is always the same
they had no notion of the world becoming any different
they decided that what they saw was all there was
and dealt with the world as such
whereas now, the rate of change is enormous
I read that the base of human knowledge now doubles
approximately every ten years
80% of all the scientists who have ever lived
are alive right now
our ability to alter the physical nature of our reality
is growing at a gigantic rate
while our minds are not keeping up
we still carry a pile of customs and assumptions
from hundreds of years ago
it's an exhilarating time to be alive
but also a dangerous one
because to lose control of our technology now would be disastrous.

Have you ever noticed
how almost every science fiction movie or tv show begins with
"in the __th century, x number of years after the Great War"
the Great War, every time
World War III
people fuck up and nuke themselves
yet somehow survive
getting all the stupid aggression out of their system in the process
which leads to the peaceful and harmonious exploration of outer space
(leaving no conflict within the species
but only with alien races, who are all pathetically conformist
to violence, dishonesty, or logic {lots of thinking there})
while the good and noble humans
occasionally lament the burnt out husk
that the original planet earth has become.
well, I've got news for you folks:
it doesn't have to happen.
if we have the foresight to predict a "Great War"
then we have the foresight to prevent it
we've finally reached the first great goalpost in human evolution
beginning somewhere around the industrial revolution
and if you doubt the importance
of our minds keeping up with our achievements
consider this:
in the span of your single lifetime
humankind will have created and learned more
than we, as a whole, have learned
in the millions of years that came before us
and technology is also growing exponentially.
until just recently, we weren't all that dangerous
millions could fight and die in all manner of wars
(and did)
but in the end, we were never in any lasting trouble
a lot of people ended up leading miserable lives
sorry existences which they had very little control over
but that's all over now
because the world is now small
change is more possible now than ever before
the dictators of the world are becoming more and more covert
but they can now be taken down without a speck of violence
all you have to do is expose them.
if there was ever a time in history
in which people could band together
to protect themselves and each other
from the people who would oppress them
it's right now
we're all together on this tiny little planet
you can reach out and touch anybody
[$$$is that endorsement I smell?$$$]
you can have a working conception of the entire planet
without ever leaving your country
all of the information is here
all of the big mysteries have been dispelled
all that's left is to make people realize
that they are still in danger
more in danger, in fact, then they ever have been
but also that they can fight it.
we just need to breed a few more idealists.
we're rapidly reaching a point where the entire planet will be led
by a few big companies who can afford a lot of advertising
I have absolutely nothing against business or advertising
in fact, I'd like to find the people responsible
for all the recent bans on cigarette advertisements
and give them a good, solid slap
because the ads don't matter
they're only there to inform you that a product exists
and how they could ever cause you to want a product
is a totally mystery to me
it's absolutely stupid; it just doesn't make any sense
will banning cigarette ads keep kids from smoking?
maybe if most parents weren't such a bunch of hypocritical fucks
they'd be able to teach their kids about smoking
and help prevent it, through education
and the schools… don't even get me started on them...
but competent upbringing would be asking too much
allowing a kid to rely on their own brain would be asking too much
I think smoking is completely ridiculously
but I never have and never will place any blame on advertisers
maybe in the old days, when all the facts were not available
but not now
now, they're just selling a product
it's the people buying them who are responsible for cigarette sales.
everybody knows cigarettes can hurt you
lots of people smoke them anyway
just keep this sentence in mind at all times:

advertisers cannot brainwash you

give yourself a bit of credit
which might result in you giving everyone else a little more credit
the number one rule which has to be learned by people
is that each decision you make is your own
and ultimately cannot be attributed to anyone or anything else
I really feel embarrassed and resentful having to state these things
imagine if aliens
were to zip past the planet
pick up a copy of this book
and read the line:

each decision you make is your own

I mean, shit. what kind of stupid race has to be told that?
then they'd pick up some Shakespeare
and marvel at the incredible weight our society has attributed
to a writer who was never all that talented
and was never all that insightful
and who let all his good characters die in the end.
then they'd probably nuke this entire backward planet.

I read a quote from some jack-ass university professor
a pathetic "expert on Shakespeare"
who claimed that "Human language, wisdom, insight,
psychoanalytic, cognitive, moral and spiritual achievement
will never go as far as Shakespeare."

Yeah? Well Fuck You.

What the fuck's wrong with that guy?
why doesn't he just kill himself right now
as a tribute to Shakespeare's god-like greatness
and his comparative shittiness?
I gave Shakespeare a try, and I didn't like him
if you enjoy his work, that's fine
it's no business of mine
but with people spouting garbage like that
I admit that I was negatively biased from the start.
all of you "tragic heroes" out there
can suck my fucking balls
your virtues are not your flaws
your untimely fall, regardless of your attempts to do good
is never inevitable!
Shakespeare didn't always know what he was talking about!
accept it, you fuckers!!
it wouldn't bug me so much
if that professor was just some random yahoo
but he's written books!
he's won awards!
his classes are stuffed to overfilling
so that everybody can bask in the unattainable greatness
of a fucking dead man
okay, enough about Shakespeare
because my ultimate revenge is that if Shakespeare were alive today
he'd be a hundred times more likely to get along with me
than with that useless, mindless
praise shilling fucker of a teacher.

chew on that, mr. university guy.

"All Over The Place"

Some days the world seems so easy, its problems small and immediately conquerable, and it surprises me how difficult it is for me to communicate that to people. Our lines of thought may momentarily intersect, but they always veer off before long, leaving us miles apart, any further attempts at real communication failing. If the conversation can last for a few minutes beyond this point I sometimes begin to see connections, common points with which to draw us back together, and sometimes they seem so obvious that I can't figure out why I didn't see them in the first place. Today I'm pretty sure I figured some of it out.

Humans go through a process of automatization (which, according to my spell-checker, is not a real word) when carrying out certain actions that have become commonplace; you only have to drive a car or stack boxes for a certain period of time before the majority of the task moves to a different part of your consciousness, leaving your immediate thoughts free to travel elsewhere. You can switch on a turn signal, peel potatoes, even read a book for pages and pages without being fully aware of what you're doing. It's kind of like what I understand of Zen, only not to such extremes.

I think this principle applies to thoughts as well. I've automatized many of the basic ideas which form the groundwork of my method of understanding things, because after a certain amount of testing and re-testing, I've deemed those ideas as valid enough to be put aside, placed into the vault so that other ideas can be given the benefit of my attention. If I were to constantly and never-endingly re-evaluate every idea I've ever had I'd never be able to do anything. The process of automatizing skills and ideas is necessary and automatic, clearing the path for the acquisition of new skills and ideas.

That's why it sometimes takes time for me to recognize which aspects of what I'm saying are failing to be understood, as it takes time for me to unearth my old discoveries and hold them up to the context of the present conversation. I've had some of these ideas for years without ever having a proper opportunity to discuss them with anyone, so many of the concepts which are fundamentally important to my every action have not been learned by the people I usually talk to.

I worry sometimes that the same thing might occur with this book; am I taking it for granted that most people will already understand more than they do? Will they see why I say that humankind is without flaw, or have I missed the mark and ended up talking over their shoulder? Am I making a mental connection? I'm not totally certain of how to do it. I know that some people will understand me, while I can only assume that others won't. I expect that people will disagree with me on certain points, but the one point I don't want anyone to disagree with, the one idea that I want everyone to understand, is that human beings fundamentally cannot get any better than we are now. We can cure diseases, we can extend life spans, we can do anything, because our minds are equipped with the maximum capacity for personal choice possible. There is no situation in which every human being will react the same way (barring our automatic functions), and there is no idea which will always be accepted by our nature, because we're all free to accept or reject any or all ideas.

It is extremely unlikely, by this very logic, that everyone will agree with the title of my book. Have I given enough proof? Does it sound even reasonably plausible that people have the capacity to be noble, or is all of humankind still flawed and fundamentally pitiful? I know a lot of people will continue to see us that way for their entire lives, but not if I can help it. If I could just get that one idea across, I think everything else would eventually fall into place.

What's that tagline? All together now!

Human beings are not flawed.

I occasionally spend some time going through my ingrained notions, digging them up and re-examining their truth against the new things I've learned. It disturbs me greatly when I find a flaw in one of my precepts, because it involves a large amount of mental re-arrangement and the retesting of many, many other ideas which used the flawed idea as their base. It's a trying process, but in the end it always leaves me glad, because I know I've strengthened my ability to truthfully perceive things. That must be what happens with crazy fundamentalists, or people who never quite grow up: They accept a certain set of ideals, which never changes, and spend the rest of their lives dealing with a half-formed version of reality. They never go back and question the reasoning behind why they believe the things they do.

My whole structure is based on reason, the idea that everything can be explained, although technically that's not quite the base concept. I had to go through a bunch of processes to come to that conclusion, but nothing that I can specifically remember. I mostly got it just from the simple act of being consciously alive, where I managed to deduct that facts are what brought us to where we are, and facts are what were needed to build everything we have. Some people don't think that's true – I don't even know what to say to them. Go read another book.

I also go back and re-check ideas that I didn't agree with the first time: I check to see if there's any new evidence that my life is guided by fate, or whether mystical forces may be conspiring against me. Even though I may discard some ideas almost completely, I never discard them fully completely. Every once in awhile, I do go back and check them, but usually not for very long, 'cause they don't stand up any better now than they did then.

The thing that got me thinking about the automatization of ideas is the way that a seemingly simple action or statement in someone can instantly impress me. I see these little things and get drawn in, fascinated, waiting to see what the person will do or say next. I love finding people like that. I track down everything they've ever made, and more often than not I'm right about them. They consistently impress me, and I continue to see those little things, the things which reveal just how many positive ideas they've managed to automatize, because the things they say could never be truthfully expressed if there weren't certain key things they hadn't already learned. I can tell volumes about some people in a few moments, as their actions demonstrate the effort they've put into getting to where they are, or betray the fact that they've exerted almost no effort at all. You can tell if they're empty, or if they're standing on a mountain of information about their place and purpose in the world. Those people are sure of themselves, not through a hard-headed habit of ignoring reality, or an unreasonable, unjustifiable "faith" in themselves, but because they know that they can deal with life. Once you learn how to deal sensibly with reality, it can get fun.

I used to wish that I could fly, or turn invisible, or was the omnipotent god of all I surveyed. But that couldn't reasonably be possible unless it was in my nature to be that way, which would mean that the rest of my species would be that way as well, so it wouldn't be such a big deal. To fly, our bodies would have to be radically different, impeding our ability to interact with the world around us (and we can fly now anyway – hang gliders, planes, wing-suits... take your pick). If everybody could turn invisible, the world would be a disaster; thievery alone would be a scourge of unstoppable proportions. And being a god; well, what's the point? Without a frame of reference, what use is anything that you do? Without the threat of death, there's no reason to live. This reality is the best it can possibly be. People, not just little kids, but people of all ages, dream up these scenarios, imagining them to be superior to this reality, but it's never true. Whether you believe in a god or not, our environment is ludicrously well constructed. Our minds, our bodies, our planet, it's all just perfect. I'd love to see the day when people wake up to that fact, and we can finally get moving toward making it even better, because perfection is a pretty limitless term. No matter how good things are, they can always be better.

One of my favorite things is to see the look on someone's face as they demonstrate their ability to alter their lives into the shape they desire, striving to make it more perfect, understanding that to master reality requires that one not try to conquer it. Nature, to be commanded, must be obeyed, some guy once said. Human beings are on earth to alter things, to improve the world on which we live until our lives are as good as possible. This doesn't mean having machines do everything for us, because that would presuppose that we're done, that we've come as far as we can go. If we sat around and got babied all the time, some disease would show up and kill our asses in no time. The predominant schools of thought on trees and animals seem to be kill 'em all or don't kill any of them, while I see no problem with cutting down trees or eating animals – if you need them. I could live without eating animals, but I wouldn't tell some hungry guy in Africa not to eat one. Trees and animals are both nice to have around, but they can't take precedence over people, because all of the trees and animals in the world don't mean anything without a person to appreciate them. Imagine this planet if human beings had never exited. To some people that probably seems like the most comforting thought in the world – I used to write shit like that in high school, too. All I can suggest is that you watch a few hours worth of nature shows. Without people, it's just a big circle of life and death that goes nowhere, forever. There's also a notion that nature has a balance, that all species are guaranteed continued life as long as there's no outside interference. There's always outside interference, and it's called other animals. Animals are not one big collective. Some kinds like to eat other kinds, and if they eat them all, then that's it. There's no magical law to stop them.

There's been a lot of ridiculous cruelty by humans toward animals, but what I don't understand is why this is attributed to all humans. Have you ever been cruel to an animal? No? Me either. So why are you damning everybody? What makes me personally unworthy to live on the earth when it was some other guy at Proctor and Gamble who's the evil fuck of an animal tester? The important thing to remember is that humankind isn't really a race, in the way that the term describes animals and insects. Any two human beings are infinitely more different than, say, two monkeys, or two zebras, or two whatever. Don't lump us all together. Always remember that every single other person on the planet could be wrong, except for you. I'm serious. You don't have to follow on the coat-tails of anybody else, and just because someone teaches you something doesn't make them superior to you. Just don't use them as a crutch; build from their ideas and keep going.

People say that everything under the sun has already been done, but that isn't true. Not every thought has been had, and thinking has a long way to go yet, I think. You might come up with an idea that no one else has ever had. That's what keeps us moving, and that's what makes us amazing. We're each our own little species, we can learn from each other and help each other out, but ultimately every person is an island. Other people may make your life far more enjoyable, but if push comes to shove, you really don't need them. You could make it by yourself, if you had to. It's probably preferable that you don't, but life on a deserted island is far preferable to life at the bottom of someone else's heap.

I guess the thing that really bugs me the most
is the lack of curiosity people have
toward the society we live in
the world we inhabit
the very minds we possess
they just assume that someone else has done the math
that someone else is keeping notes
that someone else is running the world
when even the most cursory glance demonstrates
that no one is in the driver's seat
because everybody simply assumes
that someone else has already got it covered.
nobody has got it covered
you have to do it
that's how the world looks to me
because I can't recognize a problem
and shrug my fucking shoulders
like the rest of these reality evading idiots
I'm not a martyr
I'm not a revolutionary
I'm not going above and beyond my call of duty
I'm not doing more than is expected of me
because the only one with any right to expect anything of me
is me
and what I expect is to have as high a level of control as possible
over my surroundings, over my life
and over the events which affect it
it only makes sense
I am not doing more than the average person should
the problem is that the average person is doing less
I'm not a scholar
and I'm not a philosopher
in anything more than the most casual sense of the words
I don't dedicate my time
to searching out obscure tomes of ancient knowledge
I work with what I've got
so how did I come up with so much
when most people come up with so little?
philosophy is the base of all mental change
find the underlying philosophy of a nation
and you can explain the actions of the vast majority of its people
everyone has a personal philosophy
whether they acknowledge it or not
and that's the problem:
how can a philosophy be founded in reason
how can it make any sort of sense
when it isn't even recognized as being real?

actually, my statement of being a casual philosopher
may be wrong
after all, how can you only look for some of the answers?

I've got a certain animosity toward this book
these are all things that I think need to be said
and I want to say them
but it's getting tiresome
I don't mean that there's anything wrong
with being mad at the ridiculous bullshit in this world
but not all the time
all the time just drains me
my righteous rage
turns flat
and goes nowhere
I can't write without complaining anymore
I'm not having a lot of fun with this anymore
but I have to make myself clear
so that we're all on equal ground
because without the fundamentals
without the basic understanding
that nothing is of higher importance than the self
and the hundreds of thousands of millions of little things
that come along with that knowledge
the rest doesn't really mean anything.
y'know, in a different world,
I could have been happy writing nothing but romance comics
I totally dig shojo manga
but they're few and far between on this continent
and none of the ones I've seen are quite good enough
the characters often demonstrate
a very definite lack of understanding
on certain very important points
I could do better
that's what I lie in bed thinking about at night
how I could do better than all this
isolation from impressive minds is what does this to me, I think
in the last ten minutes I've written and erased a pile of stuff
because it was all going the same way
all going the wrong way
and it didn't make me feel good to write it
but it's turning around
I just heard a song on the radio that I really liked
a song which demonstrated that the guy who made it
does have a fundamental understanding
of the importance of the mind
and the importance of making your own decisions
and my knowing that he knows those things
is enough
to let me relax a little bit
and smile
and be happy
while he carries the weight for awhile
"on the radio?" you might be thinking
"how the hell did you hear that on the radio?"
you just gotta listen to the right radio, man
the right radio
there was this hip hop show I used to listen to on CHSR
which is the local university radio station.
none of the stuff the guy played was major label
and it was incredible
you know all that rap and hip hop shit you might have seen
on music video stations?
without a doubt the most brainless and draining music ever
(with the possible exception of popular country music)
but this music is different
a lot of it still sucks
but the good stuff is totally incredible
the show was on for two hours a week
and it's the only radio show I've gone out of my way to listen to
for years
I was lucky to find it
in three months I filled six tapes
with miscellaneous music from the show
I don't even know the names of most of the artists I've recorded
but I do know some
and I'm beginning to recognize some of their voices
and once I get some money together
I'm going to order some of their stuff

I first gained an appreciation for rap style music
through the Beastie Boys
who, for mainstream guys, are really great
but that's all I could find
I kept my ears open
I stayed tuned in whenever a rap tune would come on tv
but it was all shit
totally vapid fucking garbage
and I hated it all
that's why this radio show surprised me so much
I have a habit on turning on CHSR for a few seconds
from time to time, just see what's on.
the night I found the hip-hop show
I was listening to a show run by two girls
who played nothing but hardcore death metal
which I thought was fucking weird, to say the least
I was sitting around, reading or something while it played
the show ended
and the first song of the next show
just totally blew me away
"Twice the First Time" by Saul Williams
it hooked me immediately
I listened further
and over the next few weeks,
this whole new world of music opened up
I went from a baffled boy who couldn't understand
how every single rap artist could possibly suck
to a total hip hop fan
it doesn't matter how bad a name hip-hop has made for itself
because all that stuff you've heard, that's not hip-hop
that's just monkey-see, monkey-do bullshit
it doesn't matter if you hate that stuff
because, even though the indy hip-hop shares the same style
it's completely different
it's the same way that Bill Hicks
uses the same basic timing as other comics
the way that Ayn Rand uses the same basic plot structure
and the same basic notions of what makes a strong character
as a lot of other books I've read
but these people energize their medium
and prove all the others to be nothing more than hangers-on
just monkeys, imitating without understanding
a whole world full of monkeys
joking into a microphone
rapping over some beats
writing stupid books with no point
that's why I can dislike every comedian I've seen, but Bill
and that's why I can dislike almost every hip hop artist I've heard
except for the underground guys, who's names I don't even know
that why I don't read many books
because I've found a few rare products which are better
and now I can't go back
but because these products aren't being marketed
to a bunch of empty-headed everymen
they will most likely never fall in anybody's lap
you have to go to them.
some of the songs I've heard on that show
are better than anything I've heard all year, in any musical style
I told everyone I know about the show, but no one really took notice
I called him up once
to request a song and to tell him how much I liked his show
it's the least I could do
to let him know that he reached somebody
that one more person is listening
that's all the reward he can expect from community radio
that's why I don't listen to regular radio stations
why would I listen to some guy
who gets paid to play whatever the advertisers want
when I could listen to a guy who loves a kind of music so much
that he's been doing a two hour show, every week
for years and for free
for the sole purpose of helping it spread?
that's what life is all about
that's the way it should work.

I started out writing this feeling mad
feeling generally unhappy about things
but I turned it around
into a good vibe
though now I've lost my train of thought
so I'd better end it here
'cause it's a pain in the ass to sort one of these things out
after I let it wander too long.