Guest Chapters

"Shocking Abuse of Authority" by Wrangle Some alternate dialogue that would occur after part 4. Stolen almost entirely from Clerks, this is Wrangle's first, only and best published work. Copyright 1919. "Suffer No Fools" by Brad O'Donnell (annotation by Brad) The title comes from my dad saying that I "suffer no fools." I assume this is a variation on some wise adage like "suffer the little children to come unto me" or something. The picture is of Holly McNarland, whom I once saw with Keith at a very impressive live concert. For the student lounge, I copied my university's "Blue Room." Elizabeth's speech to Kate is exactly the kind of fruitless dialogue I struck up with more-or-less complete strangers in my first few years of University. The beer-case display isn't made up either. It was built out of the yearly student alcohol expense converted into beer cases. Liz is more acerbic than I was, 'cause a non-hostile acquaintance of mine was manning the actual display, and he was doing it to get in with those excruciatingly horny alcohol-awareness chicks. The details of the concert are all variations on reality, re-juxtaposed and veiled with sex changes. My disdain for most concert-goers knows no bounds. Young Jambo, of course, is one of Keith's many "bands," whose name comes from a Japanese Hentai comic we have never seen.

Special Chapters

"Undead Smile" by Keith (Alternate Reality #1) Every once in awhile I go through a period of being obsessed with zombies; it usually doesn't last, because good zombie movies are hard to find, but it all started with George Romero's Dawn of the Dead. I can't recommend that movie enough. I totally love it, though it wasn't until I saw it twice that it hit me full force. I used to have a little counter at the bottom of the main Smile page, and when it hit 666 I decided to do a Smile zombie chapter the next week. I figured I'd add to it any week that I couldn't think of anything else to do, but when Halloween rolled around and I planned to write a second chapter I realized that I had no idea where to go with it. Having the earth taken over by zombies really requires a lot more forethought than I gave it. Someday, though, I'd love to write a zombie movie, the ultimate zombie movie of all time. It would cost millions, but it would kick ass. I'll have to write it some day, even if it never gets made. But as it stands, I can't see another Smile zombie chapter happening anytime soon. Carl's cry of "Not Lenny!" is a reference to the Simpsons episode where Homer tells Marge that Lenny's in the hospital so he can go bowling. Rereading it just now, it's occurred to me that some parts of this are really badly written. There's a couple of typos too. I'll fix 'em later. Liam yelling at Elizabeth was a joke Mark came up with; since Elizabeth has such a habit of randomly philosophizing all the time, he thought it'd be funny for her to do it in the middle of a zombie crisis. I was actually going to have several "alternate reality" plots where I'd put the characters in different situations as a break from the main story, but I never got around to it. If anybody wants to write one, I'd be more than happy to put it up. In particular, I always wanted one where Liam was a hitman, for some reason... And just in case I never do get around to writing a second zombie chapter, here's the picture of Mark "Wrangle" Harding I was gonna use for it. You can use your brains to help us! Your delicious braaaains...

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