Welcome to the 25 Jul - 30 Aug archive of Stream - you can click the planet to the left to get back to Jimbo's World if you're lost.

17:38

entry 601 :  30 August 2000 - 02:40:54    name:  Tawny  posting from:  Whoresville, USA    homepage:  Blardeblar  ip:  207.144.214.120    Jimbo, where are the nudie pics of you? That's the only reason I keep hanging around.    Well, Tawny, I'm gonna have to address this concern in the truest spirit of quid pro quo... mouseover here to see a fake nude Tawny sent me, and mouseover here to see a ridiculously fake nude of me.  Lighting and coloration issues aside, the "size" issue alone makes it patently obvious that couldn't possibly be me... my arms are much bigger than that.

mouseover here for 100% genuine blank space.

And as far as this one goes:

entry 600 :  29 August 2000 - 23:42:03

		name:	Jimbo 'Chan'	posting from:	Cali
		homepage:		ip:	4.16.38.243
		When I heard there was a site called Jimbosworld. I was like" What the Fuck u talkin about!" then I had to see this for myself I said and thought shy does this fucker usein my family name for his site. I wonder if u could answer my question! huh?

While I have no fucking clue what your question is, the answer is almost certainly "crack kills."

18:52

If the fact that I've been discussing current news lately really pisses you off, and you just wish I'd forget the news and post more skanky pr0n, then there's probably no point in clicking the link... but if you like understated yet biting humor interspersed with plenty of current events and "odd" news, then DNews is the place to go.

Keep the updates coming, DNapalm.

17:51

As if they hadn't already fucked up enough this month, what with an underground passage bombing in their capital city and the sinking of one of their very newest nuclear submarines (with all hands lost), Russia apparently decided it was time to burn down the tallest building in the country this weekend. To make matters worse - highlighting the issues I discussed on the WritingZ.com forum about the lack of training endemic to Russian emergency services - they've been fucking up like a football bat as regards how they've handled the recent emergencies... and this one's no exception.  Three "firefighters" are dead because they tried to use the elevator instead of the stairs to bring supplies from ground level to the area of the blaze. A Moscow administration spokesman said the fire department might have violated regulations by using the lift rather than the emergency stairs hours after the blaze broke out on Sunday.  "Using the elevators during a fire is not allowed,'' he said. "It's not clear how they ended up in the lift, even though it is a violation of regulations.'' Well, duh?  Color me cynical, but I have a feeling they just decided not to walk - and hadn't been trained well enough to realize what a stupid idea taking the elevator several hundred meters up in a burning building is.  Also of interest is the fact that, even though this was almost certainly an electrical fire, power was still on in some areas more than 300 feet off the ground as of Monday morning.

A Soviet pioneer's badge with slogan: "Always Ready!"

I'm not sure quite what happens when a nation as large as the former Soviet Union makes a technological collapse from modern to pre-Industrial Age levels... but if Russia doesn't get its shit together, and soon, I have a feeling we're all going to find out.  And while that might be wonderfully informative for historians and political scientists... I don't think it's going to be good at all for the rest of the world.  And it certainly won't be good for the average Ivan on the street.

17:36

"You wanna tell me there's a choice here between two guys who both support NAFTA, WTO, the death penalty, the Cuban embargo, increased Pentagon spending, sleazy HMOs, greedy hospital chains, 250 million guns in our homes, more bombing of Iraq, the rich getting richer and the rest of us declaring bankruptcy?"

RIGHT ON!  TELL IT, BROTH - uh... hey, wait up a second.  Let's go over this list again... did he say, "support... 250 million guns in our homes"...?

I can tell you for a fucking fact that anybody that does support any plan to take firearms away from citizens without a felonious and violent criminal record has automatically not only lost my support, but earned my opposition lobbying... no matter how great the rest of his platform is.

Anyone who believes that firearms magically cause homicide would be well advised to study history - both peacetime murder rates and wartime casualty rates were DRASTICALLY higher in times before firearms became readily available to the common citizen.

20:12

08:54

Unfortunately, all too often that's exactly what your office co-workers don't need to improve their mood.  I don't think I'm too popular right now.

00:50

And now, it's time to play clean-all-the-links-out-of-the-mailbox:

Some people still think Mutual Assured Destruction is viable Britney Spears isn't just a whore - she's a hypocrite too My Pervert Kermit animation was on the air in San Diego X-rated Dilbert is at least as funny as the original Dilbert It's not too late to get your virginity back Formal Education is for losers

01:22

Like the title says... unfortunately for Sun Microsystems, Java sucks ass for applications.   But fortunately for us, you can make some pretty diverting animations with it...   I've laid out some of the most entertaining of the applets for you bake-a-zoids and work-avoiders to play with, in two formats:

Incidentally, if my ad banners seem to be stuck on heavy Flash and Java media stuff, that high-bandwidth area is probably going to be painful no matter what kind of box you're pushing... so if everything runs slow, just switch back to the low-bandwidth side.  And if you want to see the rest of Fabio's applets, or use some on your own site (yes, they're free - but please, use a little restraint, okay? ), you can find them at www.anfyteam.com.

19:46

... tribute from an adoring harem. Libby loves me. Laura loves me. Unholy Bitch loves me. Serendipity loves me.

And I gotta tell ya, the bit with the vibrator really, really impressed me.

Of course, Keith has an opinion of his own, but fuck that cracker!

22:03

So why am I bitching about traffic cops, then?  Well, I just don't like getting fucked with, basically. You know the routine - you pull away from a light with authority - no squealing tires or anything, nothing illegal, nothing unsafe, but in one way or another you attract the attention of anything watching the herd - and the next thing you know, Chief Wiggins pulls the cruiser out from its comfortable little spot in the convenience station parking lot and oh-so-cleverly glues himself to your ass.   Veteran of the mean streets that he is, he has all of two possible tactics, either of which he will apply with the native cunning only found in a man given a car, a gun, and a mission to extract money from people:

1. Get directly behind target.  Rapidly close cruiser's front bumper to approximately the width of one red cunt hair away from target's rear bumper.  Pilot cruiser as though it is welded to target by a six-inch steel rod.   If the target is not wily enough, the discomfort of having a vehicle so unsafely close will cause target to attempt to accelerate away, thus violating speed limit.   Pull target over.  Administer ticket and lecture to target.  Lecture may be angry, apathetic, or garbled, depending entirely on temperament and current mood of individual officer.

2. Get directly behind target.  Rapidly decelerate cruiser until target is the better part of a football field ahead.  Cease deceleration, begin piloting cruiser as though it is welded to target by a sixty-yard steel rod.  If the target is not wily enough, he or she will break a law of some sort, having forgotten that a cruiser is welded to it in the same lane sixty yards back.   Pull target over.  Administer ticket and lecture to target.  Lecture may be angry, apathetic, or garbled, depending entirely on temperament and current mood of individual officer.

Well, Our Story today opens with me making a left-hand turn in a busy intersection with no traffic light.  There happens to be a convenience store right there at the intersection, and, of course, Chief Wiggins and his deputy are comfortably ensconced in the parking lot, parked driver's-window-to-driver's-window, sharing tales of True Crime, those cheap little powdered donuts that come in the bag, and juicy wet cop kisses.  When I pull out into traffic, I notice Your Friend And Mine The Traffic Cop pulling "nonchalantly" out of the convenience store with a great growling of motor and falling in a few cars behind me.

Great.

Three turns later, Deputy Dawg is still determinedly pursuing me, regulation Approach Two distance of sixty yards behind me and not budging.   I'd had a bad day at work and was in no mood to have the spider-sense tingling the whole way home, so I decided to scrape him off in the time-honored manner: by slowing to five miles per hour below the speed limit, and maintaining that as precisely as he was maintaining his regulation sixty yards' distance from my bumper.  Typically, this works out great: the cop realizes very quickly he's been spotted, he immediately accelerates to fifteen miles per hour over the limit, and shoots a nasty look in your direction as he blows by you in search of drivers less aware of their surroundings.

Unfortunately, this guy wasn't that bright.  So here I am, driving down a major highway slow as dirt, with a cop glued in place sixty yards behind me, no traffic in between us, and an enormous fucking pack of cars behind him, clogged up like Louie Anderson's arteries because they want to drive faster but they aren't willing to (gasp) pass a cop.  Jesus, it's not just that he was busted, I could actually see him behind the windshield driving with his hands in a ten-and-two position, eagerly bent forward over the wheel, just waiting for me to absentmindedly forget he was there and begin speeding.  The asshole kept this up for fifteen miles on the way home, through one turn after another, without a single car in between us to give him cover.

I'd like to tell you that I finally pulled over to the right, waited for him to stop, and asked him if he was retarded, or just thought that I was.  I really would.  But I have to live in this town, dammit, and traffic cops tend to be vindictive and have long memories for people that pissed them off.  So there's no snappy ending to the story, no come-uppance to the villain, and no triumphant parade for the hero.

Life's like that sometimes.

18:32

Go read.

14:42

No such luck - it's a pinched-face old harridan.  Namely, the one that lives next door.

(About an hour later, I get a polite knock on the door from her husband - with whom I usually get along pretty well.)

16:34

Am I the only fucking one that gets that feeling about real life?

Lather, rinse, repeat as necessary.

That worthless sonofabitch drove the Apple ][ line of computers into the ground - deliberately - while it supported his pansy-ass underseller of a Macintosh, back in the 80's. (It's worth noting that the Apple ][ series marked the first and last time that Apple held a dominant share in the business or home PC market.) Why? Because, even though he didn't actually build it, he considered the Macintosh his personal brainchild.

He then damn near killed Apple Computer entirely in the early 90's, by running the company as though it presented the only viable choice for business or home computing - in the face of the fact that Apple already held a very small and still diminishing share of the actual market. His successor wisely began marketing the Mac as a niche product, and brought the company back into the hallowed grounds of profitability and relatively stable market share.

But now, Jobs is back in the saddle - and he's up to his old tricks. That's right; just because he's "upset", he is refusing to so much as speak directly to the provider of the video cards for all new Macintosh PCs, longtime Apple business partner ATI.

The funny thing is - bullshit though it may be - most Mac advocates will tell you that the Mac is a superior platform because it's "purpose-built" - instead of being put together from a hodgepodge of interchangeable parts, the Great God Apple has done all the work of picking pieces for you, and this is supposed to produce all sorts of intangible superiorities to the much more fluid PC-compatible platform. But if this is true, then why is the CEO ditching the video card on a moment's whim?

1. Because he doesn't really give a shit about you, the customer.
2. Because all that "purpose-built" crap is a load of malarkey anyway.

Ironically enough, this may actually be good news for you Macophiles out there - the ATI Rage series of video cards has long been known for being just competent enough to get reviewed with the "serious" contenders, and just crappy enough to inevitably be the whippingboy at the bottom of the heap. According to the article, however, you may wind up with Nvidia or 3dfx cards coming standard in the next generation of Macs - and while 3dfx has really lost the king-of-the-hill title to Nvidia, even 3dfx is a tremendous leap over ATI.

The real question is, why didn't Jobs make the switch a long time ago - for the reason that Nvidia and 3dfx both make superior products, which would considerably enhance the prowess of his "purpose-built supercomputers"...?

Because his fucking ego is more important than your equipment. Bah.