|Does capitalism always have to be so... gaudy?|
|Welcome to the 25 Jul - 30 Aug archive of Stream - you can click the planet to the left to get back to Jimbo's World if you're lost.|
|This is the part of the site where I don't have to screw about with formatting, or layouts, or anything else. I just bang on the keyboard like a diseased monkey, and *poof* - instant content! Guess what part of the site's most likely to get updated on a regular basis? Right.|
|30 Aug 2000|
|Addressing some questions from the guestbook|
And as far as this one goes:
While I have no fucking clue what your question is, the answer is almost certainly "crack kills."
|28 Aug 2000|
|And a big linkbar welcome goes out to...|
|DNapalm's Dnews, which I just
discovered about a half an hour ago (due to the fact that he signed my guestbook).
If the fact that I've been discussing current news lately really pisses you off, and you just wish I'd forget the news and post more skanky pr0n, then there's probably no point in clicking the link... but if you like understated yet biting humor interspersed with plenty of current events and "odd" news, then DNews is the place to go.
Keep the updates coming, DNapalm.
|Those wacky Russians are at it again|
I'm not sure quite what happens when a nation as large as the former Soviet Union makes a technological collapse from modern to pre-Industrial Age levels... but if Russia doesn't get its shit together, and soon, I have a feeling we're all going to find out. And while that might be wonderfully informative for historians and political scientists... I don't think it's going to be good at all for the rest of the world. And it certainly won't be good for the average Ivan on the street.
|25 Aug 2000|
|The good, the bad, and the ugly: www.michaelmoore.com|
|Political pundit Michael Moore, (in)famous in
some circles for his cable TV show "The Awful Truth", has an awful lot to say
about the current two-party political gridlock that keeps the popular vote a mechanism of
political action like masturbating is a mechanism of sexual reproduction. He says a
lot of it, and says it really well, in this article right here.
Here's an excerpt:
RIGHT ON! TELL IT, BROTH - uh... hey, wait up a second. Let's go over this list again... did he say, "support... 250 million guns in our homes"...?
I can tell you for a fucking fact that anybody that does support any plan to take firearms away from citizens without a felonious and violent criminal record has automatically not only lost my support, but earned my opposition lobbying... no matter how great the rest of his platform is.
Anyone who believes that firearms magically cause homicide would be well advised to study history - both peacetime murder rates and wartime casualty rates were DRASTICALLY higher in times before firearms became readily available to the common citizen.
|20 Aug 2000|
|If I were to write a personal ad, it would read...|
|Knight In Shining Armor Heartily Sick Of
Damsels In Distress
... seeks Xena, Warrior Princess for that mythical relationship based on trust, respect, and both parties standing on equal footing. Neurotic femmes expecting instant rescue from bad relationship habits, bad financial habits, bad career habits, or anything other than simple lonelieness need not apply. (Fighting back-to-back against multiple ogres and/or dragons okay, but must pull own weight.) Interested applicants please be prepared to demonstrate swordsmanship, gunsmanship, or at the very least good penmanship and a healthy dose of kung-fu.
|17 Aug 2000|
|Who let them dogs out?|
|Sometimes, all you need to get you in a
temporarily better mood is a rousing,
cheerful, utterly mindless party bass song. (mp3, 4.7MB)
Unfortunately, all too often that's exactly what your office co-workers don't need to improve their mood. I don't think I'm too popular right now.
|15 Aug 2000|
|Damn, I'm tired|
|... but I'm updating anyway, at least sorta.
I added an "About / Bio / FAQ" page... mostly because more and more
people are asking me what I look like. Yes, one of these days I'll put up a picture
BESIDES the by-now-played-out Jedi pic... but for right now, it'll have to do.
And now, it's time to play clean-all-the-links-out-of-the-mailbox:
|11 Aug 2000|
|Java: bad for applications, good for stoners|
|Idly surfing through the web, I encountered an
incredibly low-rent banner for an incredibly NOT-originally-English-language site with
translations into, I shit you not, about twenty different languages. It was all
java-tastic and looked like entertainment for an impaired mind, so I went and downloaded
all sorts of java classes and applets and what-not... turns out that it's the work of an
Italian guy by the name of Fabio Ciucci.
Like the title says... unfortunately for Sun Microsystems, Java sucks ass for applications. But fortunately for us, you can make some pretty diverting animations with it... I've laid out some of the most entertaining of the applets for you bake-a-zoids and work-avoiders to play with, in two formats:
|10 Aug 2000|
|Nothing brightens your day quite like...|
And I gotta tell ya, the bit with the vibrator really, really impressed me.
Of course, Keith has an opinion of his own, but fuck that cracker!
|09 Aug 2000|
|You know, any society as big as ours needs
police. But too much of a good thing is a fucking plague.
That's right, I'm talking about traffic cops. Almost every big city in the South
I've been in has had way too many of them - and there's only so much
crime to go around. Problem is, once you've got a cop, you've got a guy who depends
on driving a brightly-painted car around and intimidating people for a living. Take
away his car and his license to fuck with people, and you take away his paycheck - and do
you think he's going to be down with that? Fuck no! As a
matter of fact, human nature being what it is - to expand, that is - he's going to do his
damndest to make his department bigger and shinier and recruit more undereducated
and unskilled laborers, to "secure his position." Really, you can't blame
him for this - he's human, and it's in our very nature to expand and solidify whatever we
happen to do to put a steaming dead animal and some nice fresh roots on the table for
ourselves, our mate, and our dirty, squalling cubs. Mmm hm. Nature at its
So why am I bitching about traffic cops, then? Well, I just don't like getting fucked with, basically. You know the routine - you pull away from a light with authority - no squealing tires or anything, nothing illegal, nothing unsafe, but in one way or another you attract the attention of anything watching the herd - and the next thing you know, Chief Wiggins pulls the cruiser out from its comfortable little spot in the convenience station parking lot and oh-so-cleverly glues himself to your ass. Veteran of the mean streets that he is, he has all of two possible tactics, either of which he will apply with the native cunning only found in a man given a car, a gun, and a mission to extract money from people:
Well, Our Story today opens with me making a left-hand turn in a busy intersection with no traffic light. There happens to be a convenience store right there at the intersection, and, of course, Chief Wiggins and his deputy are comfortably ensconced in the parking lot, parked driver's-window-to-driver's-window, sharing tales of True Crime, those cheap little powdered donuts that come in the bag, and juicy wet cop kisses. When I pull out into traffic, I notice Your Friend And Mine The Traffic Cop pulling "nonchalantly" out of the convenience store with a great growling of motor and falling in a few cars behind me.
Three turns later, Deputy Dawg is still determinedly pursuing me, regulation Approach Two distance of sixty yards behind me and not budging. I'd had a bad day at work and was in no mood to have the spider-sense tingling the whole way home, so I decided to scrape him off in the time-honored manner: by slowing to five miles per hour below the speed limit, and maintaining that as precisely as he was maintaining his regulation sixty yards' distance from my bumper. Typically, this works out great: the cop realizes very quickly he's been spotted, he immediately accelerates to fifteen miles per hour over the limit, and shoots a nasty look in your direction as he blows by you in search of drivers less aware of their surroundings.
Unfortunately, this guy wasn't that bright. So here I am, driving down a major highway slow as dirt, with a cop glued in place sixty yards behind me, no traffic in between us, and an enormous fucking pack of cars behind him, clogged up like Louie Anderson's arteries because they want to drive faster but they aren't willing to (gasp) pass a cop. Jesus, it's not just that he was busted, I could actually see him behind the windshield driving with his hands in a ten-and-two position, eagerly bent forward over the wheel, just waiting for me to absentmindedly forget he was there and begin speeding. The asshole kept this up for fifteen miles on the way home, through one turn after another, without a single car in between us to give him cover.
I'd like to tell you that I finally pulled over to the right, waited for him to stop, and asked him if he was retarded, or just thought that I was. I really would. But I have to live in this town, dammit, and traffic cops tend to be vindictive and have long memories for people that pissed them off. So there's no snappy ending to the story, no come-uppance to the villain, and no triumphant parade for the hero.
Life's like that sometimes.
|02 Aug 2000|
|Free publicity for me and thee|
|Editor Dink of The School Of Ass has done another 25-question
webmaster interview series this month, much like the one he did last month. The
difference? I'm featured this time, baby! Also featured this
month are interviews with the webmasters of such fine sites as IAmHappyBlue, Newgrounds,
Chickenhead, and even The Onion - but don't get too excited; the return from
The Onion's webmaster is pretty clearly an idle dismissal. I'm frankly kinda
surprised Dink posted it at all.
|30 Jul 2000|
|NeighborSpeak: A Translation Guide|
|What a way to start your fucking day... at
9:00 this morning, I get roused from a sound sleep by my doorbell. "Hang
on," I bellow, as I throw on a pair of shorts and stumble down the hall... while my
doorbell continues ringing, not quite frantically enough for it to be PeeT trying to piss
me off (not to mention how early it is!), but frantically enough that I'm starting to
wonder if I'm going to open the door to a little crippled ADD kid yelling
No such luck - it's a pinched-face old harridan. Namely, the one that lives next door.
(About an hour later, I get a polite knock on the door from her husband - with whom I usually get along pretty well.)
|25 Jul 2000|
|Have you ever felt like there's just no
fucking point anymore? Not so much that you're "sad", or "moping
around", or "miserable"... but just that, well, it doesn't seem like
there's a whole hell of a lot left worth doing, seeing, or feeling in life anymore. That
same sort of "why bother" feeling you get with a computer game you used to
really love, but that's just... played out. You usually get that feeling before you've
quite done everything in the game, but after you've accomplished more goals than
are really strictly necessary just to "finish" it.
Am I the only fucking one that gets that feeling about real life?
|Using music to cope|
|Turn the lights off, set Geiss running in
Winamp, sit way the fuck back deep in a comfortable chair, and listen to Chicane - Lost You
Somewhere... it'll make you feel better.
Lather, rinse, repeat as necessary.
|In completely unrelated news|
Jobs is an egomaniacal, whiny, ill-adjusted bitch. Seriously.
That worthless sonofabitch drove the Apple ][ line of computers into the ground - deliberately - while it supported his pansy-ass underseller of a Macintosh, back in the 80's. (It's worth noting that the Apple ][ series marked the first and last time that Apple held a dominant share in the business or home PC market.) Why? Because, even though he didn't actually build it, he considered the Macintosh his personal brainchild.
He then damn near killed Apple Computer entirely in the early 90's, by running the company as though it presented the only viable choice for business or home computing - in the face of the fact that Apple already held a very small and still diminishing share of the actual market. His successor wisely began marketing the Mac as a niche product, and brought the company back into the hallowed grounds of profitability and relatively stable market share.
But now, Jobs is back in the saddle - and he's up to his old tricks. That's right; just because he's "upset", he is refusing to so much as speak directly to the provider of the video cards for all new Macintosh PCs, longtime Apple business partner ATI.
The funny thing is - bullshit though it may be - most Mac advocates will tell you that the Mac is a superior platform because it's "purpose-built" - instead of being put together from a hodgepodge of interchangeable parts, the Great God Apple has done all the work of picking pieces for you, and this is supposed to produce all sorts of intangible superiorities to the much more fluid PC-compatible platform. But if this is true, then why is the CEO ditching the video card on a moment's whim?
1. Because he doesn't really give a shit about you, the
Ironically enough, this may actually be good news for you Macophiles out there - the ATI Rage series of video cards has long been known for being just competent enough to get reviewed with the "serious" contenders, and just crappy enough to inevitably be the whippingboy at the bottom of the heap. According to the article, however, you may wind up with Nvidia or 3dfx cards coming standard in the next generation of Macs - and while 3dfx has really lost the king-of-the-hill title to Nvidia, even 3dfx is a tremendous leap over ATI.
The real question is, why didn't Jobs make the switch a long time ago - for the reason that Nvidia and 3dfx both make superior products, which would considerably enhance the prowess of his "purpose-built supercomputers"...?
Because his fucking ego is more important than your equipment. Bah.
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